GOTB: actual football analysis not included

Missing in action for the past two weeks, Girlfriend of the Blog is back and she brought her crazy parents with her (I don’t really mean that). As such, Father of the Girlfriend of the Blog (FOTGOTB) and Mother of the Girlfriend of the Blog (MOTGOTB) are making their debut during ESPN Thursday Night Football featuring Florida State vs. Wake Forest.

Is this the future of flags on the field?

BB: So, it’s been awhile and we need to address the biggest moment you’ve had in the three weeks you’ve done this.
GOTB: Oh yeah, pink flags, I was right!
GOTB: Where’s Wake Forest?
BB: Take a guess.
GOTB: East coast. Maine?
BB: Uh, no.
GOTB: North Carolina.
BB: How’d you know that?
GOTB: Was I right?
BB: Yeah, how?
GOTB: ‘Cause that’s where Baronee was.
BB: Again, it wasn’t Baronee.
GOTB: Oh yeah, Boone.
GOTB: Too bad for them, that’s not the biggest upset anymore. How happy is Michigan that Stanford beat USC?

(TV announcer mentions a player with an injured spleen.)
GOTB: What’s the spleen? Do you even need it? Don’t people get that removed all the time?

(Conversation erupts about spleens. Focus, people. )
GOTB: Wake Forest looks like a high school team.
BB: Do you remember where we saw them?
FOTGOTB: Toilet Bowl
BB: Exactly, otherwise known as the Seattle Bowl.
(This is a good point to mention that the worst part of that bowl was not the game itself but sleeping on the floor of some Oregon lineman’s (I can only remember the first name, Pat) hotel room hoping he didn’t eat us all alive.)

GOTB: What’s a Deamon Deacon? How come everyone gets upset about mascots named after Indians, but not this? How come Deacons aren’t upset about this nickname?
BB: You could take that further and mention the Fighting Irish.
GOTB: Yeah, but Irish people are always drunk, so it makes sense.
(This blog does not condone the blanket stereotyping of any particular race of people, but it does find it funny.)

GOTB: Is the Hawaii quarterback doing good? I read an article on him. He has like 20 kids. Maybe not. Maybe he lives with 20 kids.
(Blog fact checker says: Uh, no. As far as we can tell, not even sure where that came from.)

(Watching the game still)
GOTB: Look, he’s (a Wake Forest player) apologizing.
BB: I don’t think that’s what he’s doing.
BB: You think all players should apologize after a tackle.
GOTB: I didn’t say they should. I just asked if they did. It seems like they would.
FOTGOTB: Well, if they’re gentleman, they’ll at least apologize when they hit someone in the nuts.

(At this point, Jes goes into some diatribe about bands playing songs from the 90s, specifically Ludacris’ “Move, Bitch, Get Out the Way.”)
FOTGOTB: Your big fat ass is making my day, move bitch, get out the way.
BB: Huh? What did you say?
FOTGOTB: Well, I’m trying to figure out how the song would go.
GOTB: That’s all it is, move bitch, get out the way.
FOTGOTB: Cool lyrics.

(Now, the family is in discussion about some lady FOTGOTB once yelled at while driving. Note to self, don’t do this with a full family in attendance.)

BB: Moving back to football, are you happy USC lost?
GOTB: I don’t care, you care. You’re the one obsessed so if it makes you happy, I guess I’m happy.
(Isn’t she the sweetest?)

(GOTB decides to get back on the pink flag issue. She’s extremely proud that a writer took the time to mention that yellow flags can cause confusion.)
FOTGOTB: What about striped flags just like the ref’s jersey?
GOTB: No, he’d lose it in his stomach and wouldn’t be able to find it.
FOTGOTB: But if he ever loses it, he could throw his shirt.
MOTGOTB: I think yellow’s effective. Just leave it alone.
GOTB: No.
FOTGOTB: Jes, men are not going out with pink flags on the football field.
MOTGOTB: Yeah, but how many pink ties did we see on the guys on that football show (College Football Live) last night…on the pretty boy (Jesse Palmer).
BB: Good point, but can we all agree pink flags are not happening?
GOTB: I think they will.

(Hmm, maybe we should attempt some sort of actual football talk)
BB: Who’s gonna’ win this weekend?
GOTB: Oregon
BB: How much?
GOTB: 20 points
BB: Score?
GOTB: 76-56
BB: Are you being ridiculous?
GOTB: Yeah.
(I probably shouldn’t have even bothered)