Oregon basketball is in a state of chaos and poor Dana Altman has a project on his hands. Worry not coach. The blog can, with an assist from Bloomberg Businessweek, show you the path to a turnaround.
1. Keep Selling. “(There’s) less competition for your products or services.”
Most teams already have all their players for the start of the season. There’s literally NO competition for you right now. You can recruit whoever you want!
2. Evaluate Marketing Effectiveness. “Don’t cut your advertising and marketing budgets”
Whew, not a concern. You’re already at Nike U. A slogan along the lines of “8 players…it’s the new 12″ would go a long way.
3. Anticipate Opportunities. “Prepare a strategy for tapping into it and you can take advantage of it.”
You’re down to eight guys? That’s not a bad thing. It’s merely an opportunity to recruit better players.
4. Create a Rapid Response Team. “If there’s an item on your menu that no one’s buying, get rid of it.”
The next time a player leaves, immediately announce the addition of a McDonald’s All-American. That’ll go over well.
Who doesn't love a good generic business photo from time to time.
5. Get Creative. “Brainstorm innovative solutions to your business problems.”
Who says 6′-6″ guys can’t play center? Do you really need to play 5-on-5 in practices? Unlock your right brain and unleash your inner artist, coach.
6. Minimize Layoffs. “Customers who hear that you’ve downsized may lose confidence in your company’s ability to handle a new order.”
Oops. Ok, it’s too late now. Don’t panic, dontpanicdontpanicdontpanic. Oh shit, we’re panicking! Ahhh! Okay, calm down, go back to #1 and keep selling. Let’s get some new talent in here and then we’ll minimize layoffs startiiinnnngggg….NOW!
7. Look For Alternatives.
I used to play down at the Rec Center. The key is to only look at the guys playing on the first court. It just gets worse from there.
8. Touch Base With Customers. “Provide clients with reports showing the work you’ve done for them and the results you’ve achieved.”
Maybe not just yet, but if you win the first game, go stand on top of Skinner’s Butte with a giant megaphone and tell EVERYONE.
9. Ask For Feedback. “Customers feel more like you’re a part of their team if you use terms they readily understand.”
Yeah, terms like “win” or “player retention.” I get that.
Now there's a guy who knows how to accentuate the positive.
10. Take Complaints Seriously. “If clients ask for changes, investigate what it is they want and then accommodate them if at all possible.”
Coach, you’re basically the accommodation to requests for change. The leash is long. To hell with what we say…for now.
11. Resist Negativity. “It’s time to seize the moment.”
We’ll let Bing Crosby take us out.
You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
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