Matt Barkley Uses Twitter…Poorly

It’s been tough going at the top of college football and Oregon is apparently next up on ESPN’s upset alert (brought to you by Geico or Southwest or…does it really matter?).

USC quarterback Matt Barkley believes it and wasted no time calling his shot on Twitter (since removed and this post updated).

Two thoughts:

(1) Barkley is still a minor and is illegally consuming adult beverages.
(2) He’s probably drinking and watching UFC with Lane Kiffin. I’m guessing the conversation went like this:

Kiffin: Dude, this Zima rocks. Thought it was discontinued. How’d you score it?
Barkley: Huh? I’m Matt Barkley. I can get whatever I want.
Kiffin: Totally. You’re so money, bro. You know what we should do?
Barkley: Don’t say it, I already know.

(Barkley grabs bottle of Peach Schnapps.)

Kiffin: Shots!
Barkley: F’n’ shots, bro!
Kiffin: F’n?
Barkley: Mom said I shouldn’t swear.

Kiffin: I’m so wasted! Hey, you got Twitter on that iPhone?
Barkley: Yeah why?
Kiffin: You should tweet something about Oregon.
Barkley: Why me?
Kiffin: Hey, I’m the responsible one. Whoa, did you see that?! Lesnar just got his teeth kicked in!
Barkley: Oh, snap! That was tight, bro! Dude, I’m totally gonna’ do it.

(Types…)

Hellz yeah, check what I wrote!

Kiffin: Nice!
Barkley: Nice.

(An hour passes)

Barkley’s mom: Matthew! Are you on the Twitters again!?
Barkley: Oh no. No-no-no-no-no-no! Dude, hide the schnapp’s! Hide it!
Barkley’s mom: Open the door Matthew or so help me God!

(Delete’s Tweet, Opens Door)

Barkley’s mom: What’s going on in here? Lane? Does Monte know you’re here?
Kiffin: Hi, Mrs. Barkley. Dad went to bed a long time ago. I’m just watchin’ some TV with Matt. We’re cool.
Barkley: Alright you two. I don’t want to find out about any funny business, you hear?
Kiffin/Barkley: Yes ma’am.

Obligatory note brought to you by Chip Kelly: Oregon doesn’t prepare according to outside influences and could care less what Barkley says.

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Matt Barkley Uses Twitter...Poorly, 1.7 out of 5 based on 6 ratings
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34 Responses to Matt Barkley Uses Twitter…Poorly

  1. Aidan October 23, 2010 at 11:47 pm #

    First off a minor is someone under the age of 18 and second you need a life

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    • AidanSucks October 24, 2010 at 10:28 pm #

      Actually look at the sign at the bar next time. It says No Minors. It then goes on to say that means nobody under 21. Go look it up sunshine. And I thought the role play was funny. In fact I thought it was very funny. The only thing that was missing was some sort of statement about Kiffin’s smokin’ hot wife. If you doubt there is a God, then take a look at her. Oh, and Aidan, you suck.

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      • Oregon = Any idiot can get a Degree October 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm #

        Definition of a Minor “one not legally competent, person under legal age, person under 18 years of age, person who is not of full age”
        Luckily for you they expanded the definition past “one not legally competent” or else you would be a Minor till death.

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  2. Matt October 24, 2010 at 12:11 am #

    ^ Pathetic Trojans fans crack me up. haha.

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    • Shane October 30, 2010 at 3:32 pm #

      ^ Idiot Oregon Fans are a Dime a Dozen.

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      • Matt October 30, 2010 at 5:38 pm #

        Lookin’ pretty sharp so far, aren’t they? If Barkley would spend more time in practice and less time styling his hair or talking smack maybe he’d be worth something.

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  3. jake from the land of TROY October 28, 2010 at 1:29 pm #

    Boy you little mallards have no sense of history NOR timing. If you green little envious quacks don’t ALL READY KNOW YOU ARE GOING DOWN this saturday then you are just delusional. Not only are there NO PLAYERS on oregon’s team that we even considered offering a scholarship to but that embarrassing CANADIAN LEAGUE TRIPLE OPTION is a gimmick and guess what……all gimmicks fail at some point. Just like in the early 2000′s with your weak spread you ran into a wall. just as then so you will fall. REALITY is going to come back and sock you daffy ducks square in the mouth. We are going to BALL CONTROL your soft serve defense into submission. We’re going to RUN THE FOOTBALL DOWN YOUR THROATS ALL GAME LONG and there will be nothing your little middle of the pac program can do about it………then when you draw up those predictable safty blitzes Bark is going to go over the top on your short, slow, 2 star secondary. You like that…..do ya???? Its going to be a beautiful thing to watch when the final score is lit up high and bright on the Coliseum scoreboard. USC 45 – Oregon 17
    Oregon football is a nike produced scam. How can you be a fan of a team who rarely even wears its schools colors on saturdays? its pathetic and sad. you know what else is sad?????
    How many national championships has Oregon won in the last 3 decades????? ZERO. How many have they won in their entire mediocre (at best) history????? ZERO.
    How many rose bowls has Oregon won???? ONE!!!!!! thats it??? how could you even admit your an oregon fan with a history that weak.
    even Fucla has a better track record than you scrubs and that is SAD.
    the best hs players in oregon stay in oregon because nobody recruits them.
    the 3rd and 4th tier players in California go to Oregon because SC doesn’t want them.
    bottom line:
    ITS REALITY TIME BABY! GET READY FOR A GOOD OLD FASHION BEAT DOWN

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    • Avatar of OTP
      OTP October 28, 2010 at 3:18 pm #

      You should offer more of your scholarships to our 2-star players. PERHAPS THEN YOU WOULDN’T GET BEAT 47-20. You like that, do ya’????????????????????????

      More question marks???????????????????????

      LOUD NOISES!!!!?????????????????????

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      • jake from the land of TROY October 30, 2010 at 1:14 pm #

        (Only a hillbilly state college educated quaker fan would think the written word makes noises) GET READY TO GET YOUR BEAKS KICKED IN!!!
        FYI: SC does offer a chance to 2 star players….its called the scout team……we don’t even try to recruit kids who steal laptops and stalk women. LALAMicheal is a stalker (btw what the heck is up with the La in front of all your players names?) he also did the same thing when he was in HS down in texas but oh well. whatever it takes to try to compete with the Trojans.
        hey OTP!!!! you never tried to come back on all those championships and heismans your mediocre middle of the road (AT BEST) program DOESN’T have. LALAmicheal (all 5″8/165 lbs of him) is going to rush for 87 yards tonight. WATCH IT BABY!!!!

        Oregon’s only win this week will be getting out of Oregon!!!!

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        • Not much to say now huh? October 31, 2010 at 11:12 am #

          Well – your team lost. So obviously you don’t have much to say now.

          Also, college football in general has a lot of problems. And Oregon’s off the field problems, are stupid yes, but SC is the one who is on probation, and has much larger transgressions according to the powers that be. I don’t really know where you get off.

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        • TrojansOnlyPerformWellOnMy**** November 1, 2010 at 1:48 pm #

          Let’s not get into the reasons that USC isn’t eligible to recruit anymore, huh?? CHEATERS??? Don’t forget to subtract a couple of those championships, and even send one up here due to forfeiting games due to the NCAA sanctions…
          Is it sad for your defense that a little guy (only 5’8″/165 lbs) can rush for 239 yards against all your big bad 5 star recruits??

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    • TrojansOnlyPerformWellOnMy**** November 1, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

      I bet you feel like an idiot now, ehh?? A 3 touchdown loss?? Star quarterback completes 52% of 49 passes and throws for twice as many interceptions as touchdowns??? AND HE’S SC’S BEST PLAYER!!! I hope you’ve made it out of your parents’ basement since Saturday night, and have noticed that nobody really cares about SC anymore.

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  4. zelf112 October 28, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    Oregon is going to get completely smoked on Saturday. USC will own you with a legitimate quarterback, not some skinny loser who hands the ball off to midget lamichael james and watches him run through the weak, terrible defenses that the quackers have played so far. What a joke! Have fun losing at SC stupid ducks!

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      OTP October 28, 2010 at 3:20 pm #

      Just because I’m a person who appreciates factual information, I’m gonna’ throw this out there:

      USC
      Scoring defense: 60th
      Total Defense: 87th
      Pass Defense: 112th

      I know, I know. I’m just a stupid Duck who roots for midgets and skinny losers. I just thought it might be relevant.

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  5. Matt October 28, 2010 at 3:19 pm #

    You all act like your defense is some incredible force that’s stopped some top notch offenses. Hawaii gave you all everything they had, and took you to the wire. Where was that Trojan defense? Virginia held your “legitimate quarterback” and your glorious offense to a “strikingly impressive” 17 points while your defense gave up 14. North Carolina’s depleted defense held them to 10 and their offense put up 44. I don’t know what games you’ve been watching that give you the delusional thought that your offense and defense are something special, but thus far you haven’t beaten or stopped a legitimate opponent. I can’t decide which is your signature victory? The shootout against Hawaii or the win at Minnesota. If you’d beaten Stanford you’d have a leg to stand on, but you didn’t. Wanna know something sad and pathetic? You actually came looking for this fan site with full intention to spam it. Trolls are pitiful, and it’s funny to watch the USC fans hitting the panic button. Only scared fans who have nothing to lose troll the boards of their opponents and talk smack.

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    • Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 28, 2010 at 5:28 pm #

      Oregon is a complete fraud. Anybody can score 70 points on Portland State. You have yet to play anybody decent, especially on the road. The Trojans are going to run you fools right of the Coliseum. It won’t even be close. You are about to find out what real athletes look like and how they play. This is USC’s bowl game and they will come out hungry. You stupid ducks will have no answer as Barkley makes his Tweet come true, dissecting your weak secondary every time he’s out on the field. Darron Thomas and James will get eaten alive by real football players. You may have gotten the best of a down Trojan squad last year, but payback is a bitch and so are the Ducks. What a crock that they are ranked so high! It’s clearly the worst team that has ever been ranked number 1 in the polls with an untested defense and a cheap gimmick of an offense. When USC blows you out of the water you better believe I will be back on here talking more junk at you losers! Go Trojans!

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      • TrojansOnlyPerformWellOnMy**** November 1, 2010 at 1:51 pm #

        Fraud. Noted. I bet you feel like an idiot now, ehh?? A 3 touchdown loss?? Star quarterback completes 52% of 49 passes and throws for twice as many interceptions as touchdowns??? AND HE’S SC’S BEST PLAYER. Also, apparently, he’s a FRAUD.

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  6. Matt October 28, 2010 at 5:38 pm #

    Leave it to USC fans to point out that both of their losses were on the road. I’m sorry, but if you can’t beat Washington on the road you’re pitiful. Those “real” athletes looked terribly impressive while struggling to beat Virginia and Minnesota. When our “gimmick” offense puts up a ton of points on your pitiful defense I’ll expect you to come trolling again and reap what you sow. Go talk trash on your own fan site!

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    • Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 28, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

      No thanks. It’s way too much fun seeing you tools squirm.

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  7. Matt October 28, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    Yeah, we’re shaking in our boots while waiting for the 87th ranked total defense to try and stop us. Those were some mighty impressive offenses you all didn’t stop.

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  8. Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 28, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    You will see the Trojans stop your fraudulent gimmick of an offense plenty.

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  9. Matt October 28, 2010 at 5:52 pm #

    I notice that you have nothing to say about your team, and you won’t defend them. Must not have anything interesting to say.

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  10. Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 28, 2010 at 5:55 pm #

    I have plenty to say that is interesting. USC will own you on Saturday thanks to Matt Barkley (playing the role of Cain Velasquez). Oregon (as Brock “the fraud” Lesnar) will get beaten like a rented mule.

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  11. Matt October 28, 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    Just like they owned Virginia? You’re delusional.

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    • Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 28, 2010 at 7:04 pm #

      No. Just like the way they will own Oregon. You, my friend, are the delusional one.

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      • Matt October 28, 2010 at 9:25 pm #

        Oh, so you mean they’ll score MORE than 17 in this game? Because UNC put up 44 on Virginia’s defense and you all couldn’t even break 20. That really proves how amazing your offense is. . .
        Also, you gave up 14 in that game, and UNC held them to 10 with a terribly depleted defense due to NCAA investigations (which I’m sure you know a lot about).
        That game was in The Coliseum, too, so you don’t have that “We were on the road” excuse that you could (and probably have) used to blame for losses to Washington and Stanford.

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  12. Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 28, 2010 at 8:02 pm #

    By the way, Boise State would own you guys if you played this year, AGAIN!

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    • Matt October 28, 2010 at 9:33 pm #

      Oh, that really hurts.
      Get real man, Boise State would annihilate you this season and they would’ve last year, too. However, while we’re on the topic of owning someone again, how did those 613 yards of offense we put up on that “tough” Trojan defense last season taste? I hate to break it to you, but you were better defensively last season, and we’re much better offensively this season. We both saw what happened last time, so I don’t really understand the overconfidence.

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      • Ducks Blow, Trojans are Awesome October 29, 2010 at 12:39 pm #

        Who said I was a Trojans fan?

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      • jake from the land of TROY October 30, 2010 at 1:00 pm #

        the “overconfidence” comes from the fact we are playing oregon….what have they ever done??? you should learn something about the history of this matchup bud. our “overconfidence” comes from us being SC and have multiple national titles and rose bowls and heismans? what do you have? one rose bowl in 1917. wow

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        • Matt October 30, 2010 at 8:41 pm #

          You can have the Heisman trophies, the titles, and all the Rose Bowls. I’ll take the win for the second straight season.

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        • TrojansOnlyPerformWellOnMy**** November 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

          Don’t forget some of those titles were taken away because of the cheating…. at least Oregon still has a clean record….

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  13. jake from the land of TROY October 30, 2010 at 12:57 pm #

    Look at these pathetic duck. These little losers are bringing up the scores of other games to make their case. Real football men from real football schools know all that MEANS BUNK. If you look at the history of Oregons flashy wide ope attack it ALWAYS comes along with a shoddy at best swiss cheese D. Say what you will about SC ‘s defensive woes this year. Going from a 4-3 zone flash to a Tampa 2 zone read is WAY different and will take about 4-7 games to adjust. They have gotten better every weak and I expect them to peak this week. True Cal is always garbage the Ducks are a soft basketball minded football squad. Whats going to happen to the quakers when they get the ball shoved down their throats and the BRIGHT LIGHTS AND THE BIG CITY ARE TOO TOO MUCH????
    BTW:
    “Oregon’s only win this weekend is getting Out of oregon”!!!!!

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    • Matt October 30, 2010 at 8:44 pm #

      Good call Confucius. We’ll take the win for the second straight season and go back to Eugene. You can have dumpy Los Angeles if you want it.

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