Click Tales: In Search of a Mild-Mannered, Even-Keeled, Completely Sane Story

It’s just drama and scandal out there. I can’t take it anymore. I MUST find a story incapable of provoking me. No allegations of wrong-doing, no bad news, just a simple, well-written and completely forgettable story. Here we go.

• I DON’T CARE ABOUT FAKE INJURIES ANYMORE. I’m going to prove it to you by taking the time to type these words and link to more articles about people falsifying the status of their overall health. Here, you can read this. Or knock yourself out here. And if you still need more, it’s out there.
• Ok, we got off to a bad start. Hey, why don’t we instead focus on Cam Newton and another story full of…stuff about his dad and Mississippi State and…did Auburn do anything? Is anyone reporting anything about Auburn doing something wrong? Anyone? What about Cameron Newton, the player? He do anything? I’m burning out here, people.
• Hmm, you know, when I’m feeling like the world is just one big scandal, I like to reassure myself by reading about agents. WHAAA? The CEO of IMG bet more than $170,000 on college basketball? Crap, never thought the agent world would let me down.
• I wonder what Chip’s up to during the improvement week. Ha, that’s funny. Improvement week. The only thing that would be an improvement for Chip at this point is the NFL. You’re kidding, he did what? He visited the Seattle Seahawks? Oh, hell no.
• I got it. The New York Times is such a professional news outlet and as well-respected as any media entity out there. Just do a search here for New York Times + Oregon Ducks and…they dare imply Oregon may have run up the score three times this year? You evil bastards!
• This is fool proof. Rachel Bachman has been doing daily features showcasing a lot of fan-related content. It’s fun stuff and she does a good job with it. That couldn’t possibly go wrong. Oh, here’s a video set to the song Black and Yellow with Oregon Duck highlights. Hey, wait a minute, aren’t we green and yellow? Who the hell gave me black? Heads are gonna’ roll for this.
• Let’s just try a different sport. It’s NBA season and the Blazers could be good this year…OHDEARGOD, Greg Oden’s having microfracture surgery. Someone help, fast.

You know what? I give up. Here’s a picture of a kitten and some sort of chick. Precious, ain’t it?

• Interesting. I feel inspired. And thanks to you dear kitten, I found a link that pleases me. Chip Kelly called ESPN’s Ivan Maisel to set the record straight about running back LaMichael James. Regardless of what impact an arrest should have on winning an award, every player should want a coach with that kind of support.