We welcome three new coaches to the awards this season. They are honored, I assure you.
The Jeff Tedford award for “We would never ask anyone on our team to fake something! Oh that, well, I didn’t know. Talk to my assistant.”
And the winner is: Whoever is responsible at Oregon for releasing documents provided by Willie Lyles that were, uh, thoroughly researched and totally worth the money. They paid me to say that. Stacks and stacks of money. On a company check no less.
The Dennis Erickson award for “Remember the early 90s? Remember that? Those were good times”
And the winner is: The Washington Huskies, because it’s never too early in a season to throw your first jab.
The David Shaw award for “All I need to be a good coach is a little Luck. Yeah, see what I did there?”
And the winner is: Headline writers and copy editors everywhere. We get it. The last name of the Heisman-contending quarterback at Stanford is Luck and it’s a most versatile word indeed.
The Mike Stoops award for “This is the year. I just know it!”
And the winner is: Cal Bears fans who are sure they’ve performed the proper rituals to rid themselves of the curse of Rilayooshore and are hyped on Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard to finally deliver the team a consistent season at quarterback.
The Rick Neuheisel award for “It’ll all be better if we just hire an alum to run our program”
And the winner is: Jon Embree, new head coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. Good luck to you, sir. These types of hires always work out. Note to Mr. Embree: That was really a shot at Neuheisel because, well, he’ll always deserve it.
The Jon Embree award for “This blog doesn’t know the first thing about this guy so let’s just give the award to a random dude”
And the winner is: Michael Kirby, Utah defensive back. Have you heard of him? I didn’t think so.
The Chip Kelly award for “We’re damn good. We’ll smoke ‘em all”
And the winner is: Well, duh. Cliff Harris, the Oregon cornerback who relied upon the ol’ “we smoked all the weed” defense when pulled over by Oregon state police in June.
The Steve Sarkisian award for “While you might think it’s still questionable, we’re back!”
And the winner is: James Rodgers, Oregon State wide receiver. It looks like the Beaver standout receiver is going to make it back from the gruesome knee injury suffered early on in the 2010 season. But still, we’re going to need to see some proof.
The Kyle Wittingham award for “We’re good enough, we’re smart enough and gosh darnit, people are gonna like us”
And the winner is: Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State wide receiver, mostly because I still can’t believe that guy is a starting wide receiver in the Pac-12, and a good one at that.
The Mike Riley award for “I’ve been here a long time and I’ll probably never leave”
And the winner is: Senior Chris Owusu, Stanford wide receiver. Maybe it’s just me but I’m fairly certain he enrolled in 2002.
The Paul Wulff award for “Yeah, this looks better, but is it really going to be any different?”
And the winner is: UCLA freshman quarterback Brett Hundley, the highly-touted savior of Rick Neuheisel’s uninspired group of quarterbacks, who ended up having knee surgery and postponing his inevitable ascension to starter status.
The Lane Kiffin award for “See, no major violation, I’m totally clean”
And the winner is: Nobody. They’re all guilty, rotten-to-the-core human beings who’s only real talent is the ability to stick a hand out and expect giant stacks of gold bricks to magically appear. Either that or hookers, but regardless, everyone’s a dirty cheater.
This award is sponsored by Sports by Brooks. When you want only the best in rumor-mongering and half-baked truths, choose SbB!