The Jeff Tedford award for “We would never ask anyone on our team to fake something! Oh that, well, I didn’t know. Talk to my assistant.”

And the winner is: Whoever is responsible at Oregon for releasing documents provided by Willie Lyles that were, uh, thoroughly researched and totally worth the money. They paid me to say that. Stacks and stacks of money. On a company check no less.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Remember the early 90s? Remember that? Those were good times”

And the winner is: The Washington Huskies, because it’s never too early in a season to throw your first jab.

The David Shaw award for “All I need to be a good coach is a little Luck. Yeah, see what I did there?”

And the winner is: Headline writers and copy editors everywhere. We get it. The last name of the Heisman-contending quarterback at Stanford is Luck and it’s a most versatile word indeed.

The Mike Stoops award for “This is the year. I just know it!”

And the winner is: Cal Bears fans who are sure they’ve performed the proper rituals to rid themselves of the curse of Rilayooshore and are hyped on Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard to finally deliver the team a consistent season at quarterback.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “It’ll all be better if we just hire an alum to run our program”

And the winner is: Jon Embree, new head coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. Good luck to you, sir. These types of hires always work out. Note to Mr. Embree: That was really a shot at Neuheisel because, well, he’ll always deserve it.

The Jon Embree award for “This blog doesn’t know the first thing about this guy so let’s just give the award to a random dude”

And the winner is: Michael Kirby, Utah defensive back. Have you heard of him? I didn’t think so.

The Chip Kelly award for “We’re damn good. We’ll smoke ‘em all”

And the winner is: Well, duh. Cliff Harris, the Oregon cornerback who relied upon the ol’ “we smoked all the weed” defense when pulled over by Oregon state police in June.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “While you might think it’s still questionable, we’re back!”

And the winner is: James Rodgers, Oregon State wide receiver. It looks like the Beaver standout receiver is going to make it back from the gruesome knee injury suffered early on in the 2010 season. But still, we’re going to need to see some proof.

The Kyle Wittingham award for “We’re good enough, we’re smart enough and gosh darnit, people are gonna like us”

And the winner is: Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State wide receiver, mostly because I still can’t believe that guy is a starting wide receiver in the Pac-12, and a good one at that.

The Mike Riley award for “I’ve been here a long time and I’ll probably never leave”

And the winner is: Senior Chris Owusu, Stanford wide receiver. Maybe it’s just me but I’m fairly certain he enrolled in 2002.

The Paul Wulff award for “Yeah, this looks better, but is it really going to be any different?”

And the winner is: UCLA freshman quarterback Brett Hundley, the highly-touted savior of Rick Neuheisel’s uninspired group of quarterbacks, who ended up having knee surgery and postponing his inevitable ascension to starter status.

The Lane Kiffin award for “See, no major violation, I’m totally clean”

And the winner is: Nobody. They’re all guilty, rotten-to-the-core human beings who’s only real talent is the ability to stick a hand out and expect giant stacks of gold bricks to magically appear. Either that or hookers, but regardless, everyone’s a dirty cheater.

This award is sponsored by Sports by Brooks. When you want only the best in rumor-mongering and half-baked truths, choose SbB!

• Yesterday was OMG Wednesday! as Urban Meyer announced he was stepping down as Florida coach. And then some people started forming a confluence of letters that read “Chip Kelly” which pretty much makes no sense based on his contract and on the fact that, you know, he’s coaching in a national championship game. Chip won’t be at Oregon until he’s 102 (JoePa joke here), but this isn’t the time.
• Are you feeling nauseous? Terrible, I know. Go here and I promise you’ll be vomiting within one paragraph. The BCS is better than what we had before, but it’s still horribly flawed and the people in power shove false claims down our throat to justify its existence.
• Dude! What the hell? A list of top ten college sports blogs and I’m not even sniffing it? I’m, like, easily the 10th or 11th best Oregon Duck blog, so I don’t see why there’s no room nationally. All you need to know about the authenticity of that list is that edsbs.com is 10th. Listen, it goes EDSBS, followed by a vacant #2 and then everybody else.
• Sometimes words are written one way, but mean something else entirely. So when Andrew Luck says he’ll decide on his future after the bowl game, don’t be fooled. What that really says is, “See ya, suckers! Ima get paaaaaid!”
• Wow, everyone’s doing it today. Ted Miller has a headline that says Arizona lost two assistants to Colorado. What that really says is, “Get outta my f—ing face, Stoops. I’m leaving!”
• Mugshot! Guessing UO junior Joshua David Britton wishes he could go back in time and respond differently when friends said, “Dude, we should totally pound 400 beers before the game and then burn shit up.”
• By the way, Oregon has had the “easiest” path to the BCS title game of any team ever. Every day, we’re finding new reasons to anoint the ESS EEE CEE before the game is played.
• Got 15 minutes? Watch every Oregon touchdown of the season. The video shows just the touchdown plays, nothing before or after and it takes almost 15 minutes!
• Facebookers, have you liked the Grandnatty of Them All yet? Uh, excuse me, why not? The blog demands that you do!

1. Chip’s message gets through so well, even I stay composed. In the past, Oregon’s start to the 2nd half would have ended with me in a court-appointed anger management class. Instead, I just smiled, kicked back and waited for the inevitable. The point I’m trying to make isn’t about me, but that there’s literally nothing to worry about with this team. Give ‘em four quarters and eventually, it’s game over.

2. Missing: large male of African American descent. Approximately 18-22 years old. Last seen wandering streets near USC campus in a deranged state. Appeared exhausted. Was overheard muttering “Only two players, only two players, only two players, only two players, only two players.” Call 1 (800) WEARESC if you see him. Do not approach. He does not respect you.

3. Question: If LaMichael James goes for 236 yards against a top 40 rush defense, what does that mean going forward against a sub-100 unit? Answer: They’re probably going to have to put it down. Sad, but this day comes for every Dawg eventually.

Oh, and Heisman voters, please save room on your ballot that’s NOT DUE UNTIL AFTER ALL GAMES ARE PLAYED. Here me Bo Jackson?

4. Oregon won’t face a more spirited effort the rest of the season. USC sold out to win this game. Players called it their Super Bowl and desperately wanted to defend what was left of the Trojans alpha dog status. If there was a game Oregon could lose on the sheer desire and motivation of its opponent, this was it.

That’s not to denigrate the effort of any future opponent but just to say beating Oregon meant A TON to USC.

5. Does the trash-talking team ever win? I would like to present no evidence whatsoever but make the claim the more you talk before a game, the less likely you are to win. It’s not because it provides extra motivation, but because the better team tends to keep its mouth shut. Oregon has been on the other side of this so I’m not coming down on USC here.

6. Save some space for Talmadge Jackson III praise. Jackson seemed to have a great game. It’s easy to miss some things watching on TV, but my general impression was positive. Like you, I’ve made a joke or two about Jackson’s coverage before and I think it’s only fair to point out when he does well. Chip Kelly seems to confirm this having said it was Jackson’s best game of the year.

7. Teams are going to have to stop keying on James. Darron Thomas is lighting up defenses. In a conference with Andrew Luck, Matt Barkley, Jake Locker and Nick Foles, Thomas currently is the second highest-rated QB. So what’s the result when teams devote more resources to stopping the pass? No idea. What could possibly happen? Are there actually more points and yards available in the course of a game?

Matt Barkley as, duh, Brock Lesnar

I know, I know, it's low-hanging fruit, but it gets us started.

Pat Forde as a Boise State Bus Driver

I'd like to think if Pat Forde really were a bus driver, he'd have a sweet arm tattoo.

Cameron Newton as Jeremiah Masoli, Masoli as Newton

In a Halloween primetime special called Figure it Out!, ABC asks Masoli and Newton to dress up as each other, gives them one laptop, an open window and a backpack and says Figure it Out!.

Figure it Out!

Lou Holtz as 1988 Lou Holtz

Lou thinks if he goes as his 1988 self, people will find him less crazy when he says something like, “Notre Dame can beat Navy.”

Is this a picture of Lou in 1988? I don't know. Probably.

Mike Singletary and Alex Smith as Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck

At the request of 49ers fans, coach and quarterback will dress up on Sunday as the more popular Bay Area duo. It’s questionable that people in London will understand.

A 2011 sneak peak.

Les Miles as Mad Hatter

I know it's an easy choice, but some respect for the Photoshop effort, please.

Boise State as…Themselves?

The Broncos are just going to go as themselves. If Halloween likes it, so be it. If not, well, to hell with the holiday.

The number 3 is brought to you by...GLASS CEILINGS AND THE BCS

Tennessee coach Derek Dooley as Erwin Rommel teaching his first love: SHOWER DISCIPLINE!

I'll just say, searching for PG-rated shower pictures is always best done with Google safe search ON

Just give it time. She'll come around.

1. Oregon Ducks. Chip says pressure is something you feel when you don’t prepare. Coach, I’m reading the hell out of the internet for this USC game and I’m still feeling the pressure. What else can I do?!?

2. Stanford Cardinal. The Cardinal are the latest team to feel the almost-wrath of Washington State. A big game with Arizona looms in two weeks.

In other news, Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck should do great with the San Francisco 49ers next year.

3. Arizona Wildcats. Saturday night was a treat to viewers. Coach Mike Stoops and brother Bob simultaneously on my TV? Yes! Bob had plenty to scream about. Mike’s team, on the other hand, played Washington.

4. USC Trojans. USC made use of a bye week by mimicking the time and way Oregon practices. I like the move and for that alone, keep them ranked fourth. Well, that and no one else deserves it.

5. Oregon State Beavers. It’s no time to panic. The next three are all games they should win. As usual, it’s best to reserve judgment for a later date.

6. Cal Bears. Seriously?!? Come on, Cal. Home and away should not mean 60+ point swings. How can you hold a scoring advantage of 189-34 at home but a deficit of 110-54 on the road? It’s senseless. I don’t know why I’m so worked up about it. Perhaps I just don’t like having to feel nervous about Oregon playing at Cal.

7. Washington Huskies. Er, uh, eek! With Stanford and Oregon left, the schedule virtually guarantees six losses. Can they sweep the final three winnable games to end the losing season streak? Not looking good.

8. Arizona State Sun Devils. Mike Bellotti is starting to circle around the wounded animal that is Dennis Erickson. This conference is full of wild changes from week-to-week so I’m not calling it yet, but have the Sun Devils given up? We’ll see.

9. UCLA Bruins. Whoa, Bellotti’s everywhere. He’s circling Rick Neuheisel, too. It’s really just a matter of time with both embattled coaches. Just depends on which one Bellotti finds tastier.

10. Washington State Cougars. I’m pretty much rooting for these guys every week now. How can you not? They’re playing hard and not getting blown out by anybody. They have played Oregon, Stanford, USC and Arizona. Outside of USC, there hasn’t been a bad performance in those games. With the bottom half of the conference left, there’s a win left on the schedule. I just know it.

Image courtesy of http://www.marktoon.co.uk/people.htm (with an obvious personal alteration).

Week 5 Predictions

PreNicktion: Oregon 31, Stanford 23 (missed extra point for spread-covering purposes).

WOTB Prediction: Time to throw it back again ala the Cal game.

Ladies and gentleman, the 2010 college football season is finally here.

We faked our way through New Mexico, Tennessee was new and exotic, but ultimately an easy win, Portland State didn’t register and Arizona State was something you had to talk yourself into.

But now…this here is Stanford, No. 9 team in the country, the only Pac-10 unit to solve Chip Kelly’s riddle in 2009.

The truth is, you need another game preview like you need a second helping at the Cheesecake Factory. What can be written about this game pretty much is already out there. But there’s one angle no one is really picking up on.

Stanford has led all but about four and a half minutes of its entire season. They’ve been front-running and doing a great job of it. Oregon, on the other hand, has come up against 10 point deficits twice in road games against BCS conference teams. In each case, they battled back to win convincingly.

It’s that buzz word “adversity” that coaches like so much. What will Stanford do at the first sign of trouble? It’s a legitimate question. Not every team has the “it” factor.

We know Darron Thomas can take a hit. We know he can bounce back from a bad quarter. We know Oregon can change the dynamics of a game in less than two minutes.

What do we know about Andrew Luck in bad times? Nothing yet. We do know that a year ago, the Cardinal went 2-4 in games decided by one score (8 points or less). Oregon was 4-0.

The first sign of trouble for Stanford will be interesting. You can almost count on there being a couple series where things go horribly wrong. This is Autzen Stadium, after all, a place where great teams go to die.

If Andrew Luck and company respond, it’s game on, but if they react more like Matt Barkley and USC a year ago, well, you know how that finishes.

Jim Harbaugh has himself a tough team, one that seems like it won’t wilt under pressure. I’d expect this thing to stay close all the way to the end. You’d imagine a quarterback as gifted as Luck can handle himself in any situation. But still, until we have proof, it’s a question Stanford has to answer.

• Let’s start it off with the Muchas G and Lord Beverage Podcast. Press play and then start clicking the rest of these links. My bad on not getting a link to these guys sooner. It’s a smooth, well done Podcast.
• Don’t get me wrong, our offensive linemen will kick your ass. They won’t even feel bad about it. They’ll just whoop ya’ and laugh about it. Buuuut, Mark Asper can sing any Disney song, treats his mom right, goes to church and is generally just a pure gentleman. But seriously Stanford, he will destroy you.
• Attending Duck fans, I don’t care if you wear yellow or black, just be loud.
• Timeout from links. No one is saying anything bad about Stanford at all. Nothing. Just pure positivity. But not me. Stanford, you’re slow. You lack elite athleticism at the second level on defense (don’t get all impressed, I stole that from Scouts Inc.). Whoever you have at running back isn’t Toby Gerhart. Andrew Luck is going to hear Autzen at its loudest and discover he has bladder control problems. For eff sake, you are Stanford!!! Remember that.
• Oookay…links. John Boyett works hard. I hope that means he and the other defensive backs can find a way to cover the middle of the field this week.
• What’s a big game without a uniform discussion? Chip Kelly discusses uniform philosophy in an SI.com video.
• Everyone says there’s some sort of blueprint for beating Oregon (ESPN Insider only). Of course there is. That’s why coaches scout and prepare. There happens to only be a handful of teams capable of out-executing the Ducks. And guess what, Oregon knows what to expect from Stanford, too. Doesn’t mean we win, just means we know what’s coming for the most part ( you know I’m getting riled up and excited when I start slipping in a “we” here and there).

Vontaze Burfict possesses miraculous healing powers. The star ASU linebacker is made of a special substance not found in most humans. While rolling around in agonizing pain permanently sidelines mere mortals, for Burfict, it actually makes him stronger and increases athleticism by a factor of 7.2.

Darron Thomas is impressively cool. Yeah, he had a bad interception. Sure, there were some missed throws. Of course, something is wrong in the read-option. Still, if you wanted to see one thing from a young quarterback, wouldn’t it be calm under pressure (a lot of it at that)? Thomas can take a hit and deliver a good throw. He doesn’t get rattled and ultimately made huge plays to turn a deficit into a lead at halftime. He looks to this fanatic blogger like an elite quarterback in the making.

Cliff Harris did not “lock shit down.” In fact, nobody did. I’m trying to rationalize 600 yards of offense for ASU, but that shouldn’t happen. Oregon got gashed in the running game and exploited in the secondary. The game plan didn’t help. The Ducks left the safeties deep and were content to blitz the crap out of Steven Threet. It resulted in turnovers, sacks and a whole lot of open space underneath in the middle of the field. They barely got away with it against a mediocre offense but here’s a fact:  Stanford’s impressive offensive line and Andrew Luck would abuse a similar game plan.

It was hot and it mattered. How else to explain such a bizarre game? Jeff Maehl dropped easy catches. Kenjon Barner muffed a punt. ASU’s offense made the Bill Gates Foundation look stingy. Oregon’s offensive line executed the football version of osmosis. I’d say even the officials were affected, but their ineptitude was par for the Pac-10 course.

Night games are a good thing…this time. Oregon moved up to No. 4 in both the AP and Coaches’ Poll. The sloppiness of the game had little effect on the minds of voters who were no doubt counting sheep (except for you Jon Wilner. Everyone knows how smart you are.).

This was a good win. No really, it was. Stop laughing. Why are you laughing? I’m, serious. Anytime you struggle in every phase of the game, yet still score 42 points on the road and win comfortably, it’s a good win. Here’s the thing. No championship team cruises to 12-0. Even USC’s historically good team in 2005 needed a 4th down conversion to win at Notre Dame. Alabama last year eked out wins against Tennessee and Auburn. When you are the big game on everyone’s schedule and opposing coaches are imploring fans to bring it every game, this is what happens. Oregon is going to face a lot of early haymakers, especially in road games, but over 60 minutes, it’s going to be the better team. Good win, move on.

And then the last four games happened.

Opponents scored 51, 21, 41 and 33 points against a unit that had previously not given up more than 24 points in any one game. And that 24 included a defensive touchdown and a 19 yard drive following a turnover.

Through its first eight games, the Ducks came up with 20 turnovers. In the last four, Oregon forced its opponents to give it back just four times.

Competition has something to do with that. Outside of Boise State who plays against terrible competition, three of Oregon’s final four opponents also happened to be the top three offenses it faced all year. These were elite offenses that all averaged at least 29.7 points and over 400 yards per game.

With the exception of Toby Gerhart, it wasn’t the run defense that let down. In fact, Oregon held opponent’s rushing attacks significantly below their season averages (again, Gerhart excepted). The pass defense, however, slipped against the likes of Nick Foles, Sean Canfield and Andrew Luck. Foles and Canfield led the Pac-10 in passing this season.

Why is this significant? Ohio State is a decidedly run-oriented offense and averages almost 40 yards more per game on the ground than through the air. Terrell Pryor has been handcuffed and is nowhere near the threat throwing the ball compared to guys like Canfield and Foles.

The chart above would seem to indicate Oregon struggled only against the conference’s top three offenses which happen to be well-balanced units. The end of season slide seems to be more about quality of opposition than anything else. Is it an elite defense? No. But the Ducks have a lot of team speed and aren’t going up against an offensive juggernaut. One could easily see them control the Buckeyes much the way they did most of the schedule.

Throughout Nick Allioti’s history, his defenses have been especially good when they are able to focus on the run and force the opposition to pass. Can Ohio State win the game passing the ball? Probably not. Will they be able to move the ball through the air enough to keep Oregon on its heels? That carries a higher likelihood and could be a key to the game.

If Oregon can control what has become a formidable Ohio State rushing attack, and the Buckeyes can’t establish a passing game, Oregon’s “weaker” side of the ball may end up being the difference.

FOTB Prediction: Black helmet, black jersey, steel pants, black shoes. This in no way looks anything like the University of Oregon. You can simulate this combination here.

The blog is making budget cuts this week and streamlining its efforts into one, efficient post.  Call it a corporate reorganization. As such, the normal Oregon-centric preview post has been downsized into the Pac-10 Picks to create more synergy.

After a 3-2 effort last week, the deliverables weren’t good enough. It was clear the blog was spread too thin and needed to make its efforts more dynamic. Without a doubt, the user experience has been enhanced with this innovative move into a result-driven realignment.

Last Week: 3-2
Season: 44-15

Stanford @ USC
Some will have you believe that the Trojans are cracking and the dynasty is about to come crashing down. Such reports are premature. The Trojans finish the season with three straight at the Dump. Huh? It’s called the Memorial Coliseum? I thought they played at a dump. I’ll be damned. I mean, give them credit, they’ve won 46 of 47 there, but I really thought it was a dump (yep, still bitter about 2006).

The Pick…USC

Washington @ Oregon State
The Civil War looms. The Beavers have only to get through a tour of the college football wasteland that is the state of Washington to bring possible Rose Bowl hopes into the game. The Beavers win – and you can scribble the W in pen right now – will make it 12 in a row for the state of Oregon against the “preeminent” program of the Northwest.

The Pick…Oregon State

UCLA @ Washington State
This is the dumbest pick I’ve made all year. I mean, who picks Washington State for anything? This is such a bad team. But this is also a rallying cry for the Cougars to nail down a Pac-10 win. The game day high in Pullman is going to be 34. UCLA needs this win for bowl eligibility so maybe they fight through it, but I feel like picking an upset and where better to do it than in the Pac-10′s most irrelevant game of the year?

The Pick…Washington State

Arizona @ California
Hopeful Duck fans aside, I don’t think Cal can stay any closer than two touchdowns. One team is surging with confidence after years of bad football. The other just can’t seem to get things to go their way this season. And I don’t mind Arizona winning. In fact, I kind of hope they do. it would set up a huge showdown between ranked teams and it’s just more fun that way. Besides, if Oregon wants the Rose Bowl, it needs to win their games and not rely on complicated tiebreaking scenarios (not that this blog doesn’t enjoy wasting time on such things).

FOTB Pick

The Pick…Arizona

Arizona State @ Oregon
Oregon gets their third straight freshman quarterback. It seems safe to say that Brock Osweiler won’t be as dangerous as Andrew Luck given ASU’s offensive ineptitude this year. And as for the Sun Devils “stout” run defense, the last time a team surrendering fewer than 90 yards per game on the ground came to Autzen, they got burned for almost 400. Given that it’s an entirely different team and scenario, that might seem like a meaningless line, but it would count as expert analysis if my name was Jon Wilner.

The Pick…Oregon

Basketball Bonus Pick: Winston-Salem State @ Oregon
The official “Save Ernie Kent’s Job” tour begins with non-conference creampuff number 1.

The Pick…Oregon