Matt Barkley as, duh, Brock Lesnar

I know, I know, it's low-hanging fruit, but it gets us started.

Pat Forde as a Boise State Bus Driver

I'd like to think if Pat Forde really were a bus driver, he'd have a sweet arm tattoo.

Cameron Newton as Jeremiah Masoli, Masoli as Newton

In a Halloween primetime special called Figure it Out!, ABC asks Masoli and Newton to dress up as each other, gives them one laptop, an open window and a backpack and says Figure it Out!.

Figure it Out!

Lou Holtz as 1988 Lou Holtz

Lou thinks if he goes as his 1988 self, people will find him less crazy when he says something like, “Notre Dame can beat Navy.”

Is this a picture of Lou in 1988? I don't know. Probably.

Mike Singletary and Alex Smith as Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck

At the request of 49ers fans, coach and quarterback will dress up on Sunday as the more popular Bay Area duo. It’s questionable that people in London will understand.

A 2011 sneak peak.

Les Miles as Mad Hatter

I know it's an easy choice, but some respect for the Photoshop effort, please.

Boise State as…Themselves?

The Broncos are just going to go as themselves. If Halloween likes it, so be it. If not, well, to hell with the holiday.

The number 3 is brought to you by...GLASS CEILINGS AND THE BCS

Tennessee coach Derek Dooley as Erwin Rommel teaching his first love: SHOWER DISCIPLINE!

I'll just say, searching for PG-rated shower pictures is always best done with Google safe search ON

A small – SMALL – part of me feels bad about pouring it on, but I’m weak. Once again, Boise, for the record, you have a great football team. Laugh at yourself  little.

• All the more reason to like ABC’s Modern Family when they drop subtle references to the Oregon Ducks even if it is in a losing cause.
• Cliff Harris is officially my favorite quotable player. First the “I ain’t Miss Cleo” line and now this in the Daily Emerald.
• True story. I once put together a 10 year spreadsheet very similar to this. Never got around to publishing because I think I was afraid to tell the world how much time I wasted (link via Ted Miller).
• Math proves Boise State has it easy. Well, general use of the brain also proves this. An Insider story at ESPN.com attempts to quantify how much easier it is for the Broncos to go undefeated. Here’s an excerpt: “…the chances of Oregon going 12-0 in one season are roughly equivalent to the chances of Boise going 36-0 against its 2010 slate. That’s how big the schedule gap is.”
• Chip Kelly’s just so warm and fuzzy when it comes to those national media outlets. I’m also certain after watching this that the over/under for Chip’s national titles is 34. And yes, I’m basically reusing stuff I more or less said on Twitter.
• Mascot relations is all the rage this week and Andy Staples at SI has the straight scoop. For the record, Puddles would take the Stanford Tree.
• Jeff Maehl is a popular story subject today. He leads a notebook from the Statesman Journal, but Adam Jude at the RG wins for use of the phrase “esoteric statistic.”
• In other Duck news, it looks like everyone is healthy after a lengthy injury report at the start of the week.
• People in the SEC are taking notice of Larry Scott’s marketing prowess. It’s funny how much perception influences opinions about the conference (link via DuckSportsNow.com).
• If you need to kill some time getting to know ASU a little better, here’s a YouTube feed showcasing numerous drives from the Sun Devils’ season (link via Addicted To Quack).

With regards to the Rose Bowl race, we can safely ignore mathematically eliminated UCLA and Washington State. Both teams are currently at 0-5 in conference play and just waiting to play each other to figure out once and for all who is worse.

Let’s also remove Washington and Arizona State, two teams that could technically finish ahead of Oregon but only if the Ducks’ quarterback somehow became injured for the season leading to a slew of losses. It’s just such an unlikely scenario. Oh wait….

That leaves us with the teams below. There is actually a significant amount of work left for Oregon given that it hasn’t played three of these teams.

At 5-0 and as the only undefeated team, Oregon is the ruler of its destiny. As such, the take on who to root for this week is all about the national title picture. Sure, we could all pull for teams like USC and UA to lose, but it puts a ceiling on Oregon’s season that we don’t yet need. Perhaps after this weekend, I’ll get more into tie-breaker scenarios. It’s just too convoluted for that right now.

In chasing faint hopes of a national title game appearance, there’s very little guesswork in what to cheer for. There are only two games here that are open to interpretation.

Sports will humble you fast. It’s a constant roller coaster and there are moments like Boise State, 2009. You can doubt what you saw a year ago, but there is no getting around what happened tonight. Boise State dominated Oregon. The argument will be left on the table for a later date whether or not that makes the Broncos a BCS-worthy team. Tonight, duck fans, you’ve got to take it on the chin like a blow from LeGarrette Blount. The team from the WAC controlled the line of scrimmage limiting Oregon to 31 yards rushing while racking up 164 of their own.

That was quite possibly the worst-played game by an Oregon team that I can remember (for young’uns like me, it all started in 1994). I’m staring right now at these stats: 8 points, 152 total yards, 17:28 time of possession and six first downs. Only the 2007 UCLA game featured a more inept offense, but that made sense following the loss of Dennis Dixon.

The worst part of it is how woefully unprepared the team looked. You listen to Kelly and you are impressed with his organization, his expectations and his cry for accountability. And then you see the results of game one under his watch and you can’t marry the two together. It doesn’t make sense. The defense was lost as they were constantly out of position. So much was made of Boise’s shifting and motion and being accountable for that, so what happened from paper to reality?

As for the offense, on exactly one drive, they used all the offensive weapons they are purported to have. LaMichael James, Ed Dickson and Jamere Holland all made plays. The result? Touchdown. Otherwise, it was run left, run right, force a throw to Jeff Maehl, punt the ball. It was an endless night of bad play calls and poor execution.

And then there’s the biggest story that doesn’t involve an idiotic fit of rage: Jeremiah Masoli. I said it a month ago somewhat tongue-in-cheek that Jeremiah Masoli had gone from underdog to overrated. His three game run to end the season perhaps created more hype than was deserved. After one game in 2009, there may be a legitimate quarterback controversy. He couldn’t make the right decisions on the read-option, his throws were terrible and on one play that resulted in an interception, he was so frozen, you were sure he’d been struck by Mr. Freeze (lame Batman reference, just go with it). He’s not done yet, but you can’t say it’s unequivocally his job to keep.

I don’t regret hyping Chip Kelly. I get a good feel from the way he talks about running a program. I think he gets it, but it’s become clear there’s a lot more to it than just having a plan. At the end of the day, it’s just 0-1, but it might be so much more. Being a head coach just go real, Chip. What do you do?

Say goodbye to your wives, your girlfriends, your husbands, your boyfriends, your FOTBs. Put the home repair projects on ice. Postpone weddings as necessary. Employ the full arsenal of personal, sick and vacation days. Make sure your home theater system isn’t overly quiet. Get the new 60″ properly hooked. Work that groove into your couch. Stock the fridge with plenty of beer, barbecue something meaty and for God’s sake people…Chant her glory, Orrrrrregon!

Week 1 Picks

• PreNicktion: Oregon 41, Boise State 27 (Haven’t felt better about a game this big since 2007 which, of course, makes me extremely nervous)
• FOTB Prediction: All black uniforms because they should look like Warriors although she admits the stormtroopers is likely due to the blue turf.
• Bonus Pick: 1 failed attempt at a late hit by Boise State (forgot at first, but I got it in there)
  

Feel free to leave your prediction in the comments. I’ve seen a lot of confidence out of Duck fans so I’m expecting some bold prognostications. The person closest to the outcome wins absolutely nothing, so you’ll have that going for you.

What it all adds up to for Boise on Thursday is a mountain-sized load of pressure settling in Treasure Valley. The Broncos have just one early September night to complete an unplayed season and everyone knows it. After all, it’s the first ranked team to play a regular season game on “The Blue.” Ever. The hype is everywhere:

• Fans have been camping out for tickets.
• It seems like there is a daily police update on how to enjoy football and avoid injuring others at the same time.
• The local media has been covering it like The Beatles just discovered the U.S.
• Lawsuits have been filed against companies daring to sell unlicensed T-shirts.
• Reportedly, press will be filing in from ESPN, Sports Illustrated, the New York Times and other national media outlets.

So, yeah, they’re going a little nuts in the land famous for potatoes.

Add to the fact that the Broncos have Oregon’s full attention (to quote Ed Dickson from The Oregonian, “Ready’s not the word.”) and I’m guessing there’s a few knees shaking under cubicles in Idaho today.

While it’s not those knees that matter at kickoff, it’s impossible for the Boise players and coaches to not be feeling the immense pressure being put on them by its fans and media. Some teams implode when the light shines too bright. Others rise up to a level of greatness they may not have otherwise achieved. Which will it be for Boise? Pressure’s on.

1. Revenge. I normally don’t get too hyped on the revenge angle. It has failed to matter so many times before, but this is different. From everything I’ve read this preseason (and it’s a lot), I get the sense Oregon has been locked in on Boise for a long time. They’ve been a little loose with the lips which, given Oregon’s usual reserved nature, tells me this really means something to them.
2. Jeremiah Masoli. As much as Kellen Moore can be a catalyst to a Boise win, his Oregon counterpart at QB will have a bigger impact. Given Masoli’s rather well-mentioned absence from quarters 2-4 last year, he has a chance to be the biggest difference in this year’s game for the Ducks. The fact that Oregon is guaranteed to complete at least one pass in quarters 2 and 3 should help.
3. The home factor for Boise isn’t that big of a deal. Oregon has played in bigger, more intimidating venues and done fine. Sure, the Ducks may not face a more rabid set of fans per person, but there’s only so much 30,000 people can do.  You can’t tell me Reser Stadium in all its processed foods glory isn’t a tougher venue with a Rose Bowl on the line.
4. Oregon’s Offense. This offense is really going to click this year. I know that’s saying a lot after the previous two record-setting seasons, but the talent across the board is amazing. They have a vertical passing threat in Jamere Holland and multiple playmakers that will line up all over the field whether it’s LeGarrette Blount, Ed Dickson, LaMichael James or even Kenjon Barner. I’m not in the camp that is concerned about Oregon’s offensive line. Steve Greatwood is a proven coach that will have his big uglies operating at a high level.
5. Defensively capable (I think, but I probably shouldn’t have said so…I’m sure to regret this). I’m not going to say Oregon has a defense you can count on to win a game. There’s just no proof of that. However, if practice means anything, it’s possible the Ducks are bringing a defense that can get after it. It’ll be interesting to see if Boise State can tax the Oregon defense as efficiently as they did last year despite major losses at wide receiver and running back. (EDIT: Giving this some more thought, I’m not sure I trust Oregon’s defense to handle all the misdirection and motion of the Boise offense. I’m certainly not expecting Oregon’s defense to be the cause of victory. More likely, it will do just enough to let the offense take control.)

Given that coach Eddie Cochems, known as the “father of the forward pass,”  had Brad Robinson attempt the first legal forward pass in 1906, one might expect Oregon to have had a better grasp on the concept in the first three quarters of last September’s ill-fated game.

Brad Robinson attempted the first legal pass, then watched in horror as Oregon went all 1905 and ran the ball over and over again.

Yet, there they were, attempting a total of seven passes in the first three quarters of play. In that same span, they ran the ball 51 times (if my attempt to read the drive charts at ESPN is correct). Let’s see a 51 to 7 run/pass ratio…yeah, that probably shouldn’t work. And if you think it’s all because Boise landed a cheap knock-out blow to Jeremiah Masoli (see, I told you I could do this all week), consider that the lone touchdown drive of the first half for Oregon consisted of 13 running plays and one pass (the pass, consequently, being the one where Ellis Powers flagrantly…well, you get the idea).

The score in this time frame was 37-13, Boise.

At the start of the 4th quarter, Eddie Cochems started calling plays with Darron Thomas under center and the passing bonanza (25 passes, 3 rushes) yielded a 19-0 4th quarter rout of the Broncos.

Operating under the assumption that Boise will employ the late hit play at least twice (man, I can’t stop!), Oregon should still prevail because it has the luxury of four throwing quarterbacks on scholarship. Therefore, we can conclude that Oregon will easily win this game.

Of course, there is no evidence that Oregon’s defense has learned how to stop the play-action pass, but I’ll leave that to Nick Aliotti.

Note: Forward pass info is according to Wikipedia, which in academic circles is thought of as the ultimate truthful resource for knowledge.

Apparently, Duck fans are supposed to be afraid of this 30,000 seat stadium with turf picked out by Mr. Rodgers (he was color blind, ok? Ah, forget it.).

Much is made of the Broncos 44 game home winning streak that dates to 2001 when they lost to Washington State (surprise, one of two BCS schools to play there in the same time frame). Let me ask. How would your school do if your home schedule looked like Boise’s? Most of these games on a BCS-caliber schedule would be considered a bye in between bouts with, say, Michigan and Cal.

It’s not all Boise’s fault. They have played some good teams (cowards) on the road that didn’t reciprocate with a return trip and I’m guessing they’d love to welcome some higher-caliber foes onto “The Blue.” Just the same, this is what the home record is built on and it’s hard to get anything out of that other than the Broncos do a very good job of beating teams they are supposed to defeat.

Of course, this is the very reason it’s a dangerous game for Oregon. These fans have had about all they can take of Aggies, Vandals and Wolfpack. The team itself gets to play one of these games a year. Combine the fans starvation for quality football and the team’s desire to prove themselves and the game becomes pretty much the biggest thing to ever hit the City of Trees (yeah, even bigger than WinCo Foods).

Even so, the environment won’t be anything Oregon hasn’t seen before and if they struggle in this game, it’ll have less to do with the stadium and more to do with some cheap shot from a Boise defensive player (yep, said it again. Probably gonna’ keep doing that all week. Still kinda’ bitter. ).