The Jeff Tedford award for “We would never ask anyone on our team to fake something! Oh that, well, I didn’t know. Talk to my assistant.”

And the winner is: Whoever is responsible at Oregon for releasing documents provided by Willie Lyles that were, uh, thoroughly researched and totally worth the money. They paid me to say that. Stacks and stacks of money. On a company check no less.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Remember the early 90s? Remember that? Those were good times”

And the winner is: The Washington Huskies, because it’s never too early in a season to throw your first jab.

The David Shaw award for “All I need to be a good coach is a little Luck. Yeah, see what I did there?”

And the winner is: Headline writers and copy editors everywhere. We get it. The last name of the Heisman-contending quarterback at Stanford is Luck and it’s a most versatile word indeed.

The Mike Stoops award for “This is the year. I just know it!”

And the winner is: Cal Bears fans who are sure they’ve performed the proper rituals to rid themselves of the curse of Rilayooshore and are hyped on Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard to finally deliver the team a consistent season at quarterback.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “It’ll all be better if we just hire an alum to run our program”

And the winner is: Jon Embree, new head coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. Good luck to you, sir. These types of hires always work out. Note to Mr. Embree: That was really a shot at Neuheisel because, well, he’ll always deserve it.

The Jon Embree award for “This blog doesn’t know the first thing about this guy so let’s just give the award to a random dude”

And the winner is: Michael Kirby, Utah defensive back. Have you heard of him? I didn’t think so.

The Chip Kelly award for “We’re damn good. We’ll smoke ‘em all”

And the winner is: Well, duh. Cliff Harris, the Oregon cornerback who relied upon the ol’ “we smoked all the weed” defense when pulled over by Oregon state police in June.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “While you might think it’s still questionable, we’re back!”

And the winner is: James Rodgers, Oregon State wide receiver. It looks like the Beaver standout receiver is going to make it back from the gruesome knee injury suffered early on in the 2010 season. But still, we’re going to need to see some proof.

The Kyle Wittingham award for “We’re good enough, we’re smart enough and gosh darnit, people are gonna like us”

And the winner is: Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State wide receiver, mostly because I still can’t believe that guy is a starting wide receiver in the Pac-12, and a good one at that.

The Mike Riley award for “I’ve been here a long time and I’ll probably never leave”

And the winner is: Senior Chris Owusu, Stanford wide receiver. Maybe it’s just me but I’m fairly certain he enrolled in 2002.

The Paul Wulff award for “Yeah, this looks better, but is it really going to be any different?”

And the winner is: UCLA freshman quarterback Brett Hundley, the highly-touted savior of Rick Neuheisel’s uninspired group of quarterbacks, who ended up having knee surgery and postponing his inevitable ascension to starter status.

The Lane Kiffin award for “See, no major violation, I’m totally clean”

And the winner is: Nobody. They’re all guilty, rotten-to-the-core human beings who’s only real talent is the ability to stick a hand out and expect giant stacks of gold bricks to magically appear. Either that or hookers, but regardless, everyone’s a dirty cheater.

This award is sponsored by Sports by Brooks. When you want only the best in rumor-mongering and half-baked truths, choose SbB!

• Nick Fairley is a big, destructive man but I don’t think he’s going to be much of a factor against Oregon. I question whether or not he can keep up with the pace of play and I also think Oregon’s speed will be utilized as a counter to his overall beastliness.
• Oregon’s appeal is spreading to places where it has no real business existing. One 9-year old boy in rural Mississippi is an example of that. Teams can catch your eye for any reason. I remember liking Michigan and the Detroit Lions at an early age. I liked Barry Sanders and the way the Lions were so good at losing despite having the best running back ever on its roster.
• Chip Kelly won’t compare Auburn to any other team Oregon has played. There is no comparison. The Ducks haven’t faced a team with a quarterback like this all year. All 12 opponents have had drop-back passers. Some could run, but it wasn’t part of the game plan. This is a very different defensive challenge.
• If Stanford is that good, then how good must Oregon be? Infinity. The Ducks are infinity better than Stanford. Just think about that.
• This whole national title thing is good for the entire university. But UO professor and sports-hating champion Nathan Tublitz had this to say: “Derp de derp derp derp. De derp.” Actually, that was the response of UO Matters, word for word.
• I see what you did here, Mark Baker. You referenced the Grand “Natty” of them all in your little road trip article. But answer me this: Why didn’t you buy the shirt?!?! We’ll be in Glendale, Mr. Baker. You buy shirt. I chawge you onry 10 dawrars.
• Eugene is throwing a parade win or lose. That’s going to be really awkward if the Ducks don’t beat Auburn. I know they say it’s to celebrate champions in the community, but parades get thrown for sports teams. How excited will everyone be for a second place celebration? Wait, what? Never mind. Oregon won’t lose. That kind of thinking is buffoonery. This mayor of Eugene has the power of foresight.

• I have to strongly disagree with one writer’s contention that fans and media saw Chip Kelly as an underwhelming replacement for Mike Bellotti. Way off. I even nervously wrote that I thought Kelly would become a coaching legend, this while his record was still 0-0.
• Academics are going to get in the way of Oregon’s preparations what with school starting on Monday. If the NCAA has taught me anything, it’s that you can do whatever you want and not get punished for a BCS bowl game, so I say hire someone to do all the course work for these guys and let them focus on the game (OTP has gone morally bankrupt in its pursuit of a win).
• West Virginia’s Noel Devine has torched Auburn in the past and Tiger players say LaMichael James is a reminder of that. I’ve always thought of Devine as more of a speedster that goes east-west a lot, but lacks the inside power game. I could be wrong, but that’s been my impression.
• I never even considered Oregon houses divided between Ducks and Tigers, but they’re out there. Makes you wonder if there are similar families in Alabama.
• Oregon ain’t the favorite, what with there being an ESS EEE CEE team on the other side. But Ducks, you’re still the favorite in OTP’s heart so you got that going for ya.
• Football teams make a lot of money. This we already know. But to be fair, it’s the equivalent of a contractor using undocumented workers and paying them $2 an hour. Anyone can make money under those circumstances.
• The Wall Street Journal notes that black quarterbacks are having a banner year. I hadn’t even noticed or thought about it until this article. That’s the way it should be, of course, but given the history of the position, this title game does have some cultural significance.
• The Bud Light Fiesta will be held all week leading up to the game and is staged by an Oregon company. ESPN will broadcast from the site as it goes through its 4 billion hours of coverage (95% of which I will watch).
• Mike Bellotti says most players in the game were recruited by him and that Chip Kelly was a hand-picked successor. He also would like to think he’d be coaching a national championship team if he were still there. Bellotti loves Oregon and there’s no reason to try and knock him down, but I just don’t see it.
• Eddie Pleasant could be an important player in containing Cam Newton. I’d agree with that. Pleasant has never really impressed me in pass coverage, but as a run stopper, he’s right at home. He seems like the right kind of athlete to keep an eye on the Heisman trophy winner.

With that, we’re back to the links. I swear I’m going to get some other content going again soon. Travel and family schedule has been ridiculously hectic in the last two weeks.

• The race for tickets is on and it’s not getting better. Prices keeping going up and some are getting bit by scammers. Personally, I’d never conduct a transaction like this without using a 3rd party payment system such as PayPal. Cash is a bad idea, plain and simple. Make sure everything is documented as well.
• On the subject of tickets, a post in Forbes calls attention to the unfair nature of BCS ticket distributions. Corporations spend a lot of money to get access to tickets. Family members and many avid fans devote themselves in other, less measurable ways. Who’s more worthy? The emotionally vs. financially invested argument will never die.
• Here is one person’s top five moments in Mac Court. Depending on your era, your list will vary. For me, as someone who really only regularly went to games over a four year period from 1999-2003, it goes like this:
  • 1. Arizona State, 2000. Darius Wright hit a miraculous 30-footer as the Ducks scored six points in about four seconds to stun Arizona State. Loudest burst of crowd noise I’ve ever heard.
  • 2. Freddy Jones on senior night, 2002. Against Washington, he was in a zone, dropping threes and throwing down dunks worthy of his final game.
  • 3. UCLA, 2001. Given that Oregon lost by about 15 points, this won’t rate for many. But for me, it gave me the one moment that was mine. I threw up two air balls from the three-point line during a promotion at a timeout, then knocked down five straight to win the prize. With the crowd cheering, I made sure to shush the Bruin bench. Later, SI writer Grant Wahl came and gave me his contact info at halftime. It was cool.
  • 4. A USC game, but I can’t remember the year. 1999? 2002? Can’t place it and I don’t have time to look it up right now. The crowd was so electric at the end of the game that the shooter (Brandon Granville?) was awarded an extra free throw because of a shaking basket.
  • 5. The last game in 2003. It was against UCLA and was technically a farewell party for Steve Lavin. It was well-orchestrated. But the game really stuck with me because it was my own farewell as a student and I just remember appreciating that game more than the others. There will never be another four years like it. Those were special times as a fan.
• Man, I miss being around my family and arguing the crap out of the merits of everything Oregon. Been getting my fill lately. I will defend the Ducks’ handling of LeGarrette Blount forever and ever and ever. A silent award for Chip Kelly is most appropriate when you see how well Blount is doing in the NFL. The answer isn’t always to throw someone out the door.
• Auburn fans obviously expect the Tigers to win as this poll shows. I’d like to see a poll, though, that asks the expected margin of victory. I’m guessing, by and large, these SEC peeps expect to win by double digits.
• Chris Peterson is bored, so he’s hanging out in Eugene at Oregon’s practice. I don’t have the heart to make any jokes about it. In three months, I rode the Boise State hater coaster and ended up just feeling sorry for them.
• Saw this link and had a few questions. (1) Where or what is Vernal? (2) Who is Jennings Stewart? (3) How did this paper manage to get a photo focused on the aforementioned Jennings Stewart? (4) Wouldn’t it make more sense if his name was Stewart Jennings? (5) How big of a stretch is this for a local angle? Okay, time for answers: (1) Northeastern Utah. (2) I still don’t know. (3) His mom? (4) Yes. (5) BIG.
  • (Please, Jennings Stewart, take no offense when you Google your name some day and read this)
• Urban Meyer and Joe Paterno, when not verbally french kissing each other in this article, are both concerned for the future of college football amidst numerous scandals. The business of the sport has rapidly changed. Billions of dollars are at stake and players know that. It’s hard to masquerade the game as amateur sport when so many businesses and good ol’ boys are pocketing big bucks.
• The new basketball building could lead to new academic facilities. After all, Mac Court can’t just stand empty. See, athletics does lead to academic opportunities. So there, Professor Hates-a-lot! Case closed.
• There’s something to be said for a song in the vein of “I Love My Ducks.” It was organic and good. But “We Goin’ 2 Da Ship?” It might have caught on a little bit, but it’s basically a franchise branded for numerous teams every year.

• There are people who look like Chip Kelly. Kudos to this doppelganger for not messing with the heads of those who mistake him for the real deal. I would not be able to resist.
• When you see the bonuses Chip Kelly gets, it seems a little hollow given how much he already makes. But damn, the assistant coaches are having a fantastic year, having already netted a combined $1.18 million in bonuses. In total, Oregon could pay out $2.4 million in bonuses for the successful season. That amount is about what each Pac-10 school will receive in BCS compensation. Add in all the donations and merchandise sold and it’s an easy year to balance the budget at the Cas Center.
• This is the first I have heard of the Quackshack, but it sounds like an Autzen Stadium staple that needs to be in Glendale.
• One columnist in Florida thinks Oregon vs. Auburn could change some rules in favor of defenses. In doing so, he lumps the Ducks in with the Tigers as a “so-so defense.” He should have spent some time with cfbstats.com before making that statement. Very little about the Ducks is so-so on defense.
• They’ve even got Beaver beat writer Paul Buker writing on the Ducks over at The Oregonian which is sparing no employee in covering the minutiae of Oregon’s national title run. In this case, it’s a feature on Don Essig who really is an Oregon icon.
• Rob Moseley writes a feature on Chip Kelly, the man in the only way one can – by talking to everyone but Chip. I can’t wait. In 50 years, someone is going to get a sit-down exclusive with a reflective Chip Kelly as he reminisces about the multitude of national titles won at Oregon followed by the string of Super Bowls after revolutionizing the pro game with an unstoppable spread option.
• It’s time for Mac Court memories as the old girl is about to see her last game.
• The Ducks are back at practice this week and Daryle Hawkins is getting the Cam Newton role. The cool thing about the gig is it comes with a $180,000 bonus for Hawkins’ dad (only 14 days left to make the same joke!).

• Little disappointed Chip Kelly is letting the team break for Christmas already. The holidays are a meaningless distraction to be avoided at all costs. You’re a mean one…Mister OTP.
• Did you see in that same link above that Chip says they didn’t need to recruit Cam Newton? What he’s not telling you is Phil Knight refused to buy the guy. He said it wasn’t within the rules. Hey, one program’s morals are another’s opportunity (OTP shoots, he scores!).
• Special teams coach Tom Osborne is 0-3 in collegiate national title games. That’s not what I’m interested in. I’m far more intrigued that in the article, Chip Kelly was wrong about something. Well, I never!
• The city of Glendale wants us to spend money. Well, Glendale, tell your bar owners I’m coming. Keep the taps fresh and the bathrooms at least moderately clean and I won’t complain.
• Today’s Christmas gift idea? Sudoku toilet paper.
• The Mac Court swan song is in full effect. I said my goodbyes to the place about seven years ago. I’m ready for the new place. I heard it was built purely out of gold bricks.
• The world’s foremost authority on being a great human being has spoken. Tony Dungy says Oregon’s season is built on chemistry. But I’m not a fan of his comments. Comparing us to the early 1990s Buffalo Bills is great and all, but they lost four consecutive Super Bowls! Not cool, dude.
• Chip Kelly is coach of the year…again. But this one really matters. It comes with a $25,000 bonus. When asked what he’s going to do with the money, Kelly said he’d be buying 1,666.66 National ChampionCHIP shirts. So get yours now before coach kills the supply.
• Auburn says it’s conditioned to keep pace with Oregon. That’s more true than for any other team the Ducks have faced but you cannot tell me Nick Fairley has any kind of legitimate conditioning whatsoever.
• Anyone that tells you Auburn’s offense rolls at the same pace as Oregon is telling stories. The Ducks have ran more than 80 plays seven times this year. The Tigers have never hit that number despite it being the stated goal of coach Gene Chizik.

• Really, we should be kicking off the week with Oregon links but the Big 10 is just so ridiculously ridiculous with its rebranding effort this morning. They have renamed their divisions to “Leaders” and “Legends.” And if that’s not bad enough, they’ve unleashed a new logo that forgot the 1 and the 2, which together form the correct number, 12. They might as well have just gone with this.
• Dang, UO students got kinda’ screwed. Apparently, Student Affairs sold off the student allotment to a travel agency who then sold back to students at a jacked up price.
• Darron Thomas made Dr. Saturday’s list of top overachievers this season. I agree and I don’t. On the one hand, no one even knew he’d be the starter until one week before the first game. On the other, he was highly recruited so he wasn’t exactly an unknown.
• Anytime a story involves Bryan Bracey, I feel obligated to link it. I don’t really know why. I just know he was among a group to tour Matt Court and that is awesome.
• Addicted to Quack puts LaMichael James season up against years and years of “The Suffering.” Great article. In so many ways, I am not unhappy to have been born later.
• LaMichael James and Cliff Harris were named to yet another version of the all-American team. We should be done with these by April. I’m fairly certain I have a shot if there are indeed that many more teams.
• Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, aka, the guy that makes Auburn fans blindly believe in head coach Gene Chizik, may be on the move to Vanderbilt. Conspiracy alert! What does he know? Is he making the move because he knows Cam Newton cheated? Is he getting out before it’s too late? Will Auburn be given the death penalty by Christmas? I don’t know. Maybe he just wants a head coaching gig. But Vanderbilt? Really? (EDIT: Never mind. Just reported he’s staying right after I posted this. I kidding anyway, Mr. Auburn fan.).
• While the boss is away…Chip Kelly returned to practice and the intensity picked up. He’s magical, I tell you.

• Yesterday was OMG Wednesday! as Urban Meyer announced he was stepping down as Florida coach. And then some people started forming a confluence of letters that read “Chip Kelly” which pretty much makes no sense based on his contract and on the fact that, you know, he’s coaching in a national championship game. Chip won’t be at Oregon until he’s 102 (JoePa joke here), but this isn’t the time.
• Are you feeling nauseous? Terrible, I know. Go here and I promise you’ll be vomiting within one paragraph. The BCS is better than what we had before, but it’s still horribly flawed and the people in power shove false claims down our throat to justify its existence.
• Dude! What the hell? A list of top ten college sports blogs and I’m not even sniffing it? I’m, like, easily the 10th or 11th best Oregon Duck blog, so I don’t see why there’s no room nationally. All you need to know about the authenticity of that list is that edsbs.com is 10th. Listen, it goes EDSBS, followed by a vacant #2 and then everybody else.
• Sometimes words are written one way, but mean something else entirely. So when Andrew Luck says he’ll decide on his future after the bowl game, don’t be fooled. What that really says is, “See ya, suckers! Ima get paaaaaid!”
• Wow, everyone’s doing it today. Ted Miller has a headline that says Arizona lost two assistants to Colorado. What that really says is, “Get outta my f—ing face, Stoops. I’m leaving!”
• Mugshot! Guessing UO junior Joshua David Britton wishes he could go back in time and respond differently when friends said, “Dude, we should totally pound 400 beers before the game and then burn shit up.”
• By the way, Oregon has had the “easiest” path to the BCS title game of any team ever. Every day, we’re finding new reasons to anoint the ESS EEE CEE before the game is played.
• Got 15 minutes? Watch every Oregon touchdown of the season. The video shows just the touchdown plays, nothing before or after and it takes almost 15 minutes!
• Facebookers, have you liked the Grandnatty of Them All yet? Uh, excuse me, why not? The blog demands that you do!

• The end of the season means it’s time to look at all that money. USA Today has coaches’ salaries from the welfare package at Lousiana-Monroe ($215,000) to Nick Saban’s “haha, you’re all poor” total compensation of $5,997,349.
• Can we just agree that some fans are dumb. Really? Burning the Reser Stadium turf? All I can say if Oregon wins the whole thing, hide your couches, Eugene. And, guy who burns turf, if you read this, I don’t apologize. Pull up your pants, too. It’s embarrassing.
• LaMichael James has fallen to a very close third in the latest Heisman projections. This is going to be close but I guess if people like the guy that barfed all over Autzen for his team’s only loss, then so be it.
• Haysus Christo! These Auburnites are so damn full of themselves. This paid writer for a professional newspaper trolls better than some of their fans. Can Oregon get a little respect, please?
• One or two days of class is going to be sooooooo important to your long-term futures, kids. So stay in class and don’t pay attention to that football game.
• The Arizona Republic, oddly enough, caught up with that guy Chip Kelly sent a refund to after the Boise State game. He’s happy.
• It’s old news by now given the speed of the news cycle, but the Ducks landed guys all over the Pac-10s all-conference teams.
• Canada cares about the Ducks, too!
• Poor, poor governor-elect John Kitzhaber. The law won’t let him go to Glendale. Funny, money won’t let me. So far…

*Off The Pond is not responsible for the authenticity of that claim.

• Yes, the mysterious case of Lee Corso’s disappearing head was indeed solved yesterday afternoon and a couple UO dropouts now face felony charges. Is this really that serious? Sounds like some people need to lighten up just a little.
• Holy crap, Oregon has the play against the best player in the history of the greatest conference ever known to man! So screwed.
• Chip Kelly received one prestigious coach of the year award yesterday, but not the one that pays him $25,000 so that payday still lingers. In other news, I am seriously starting an activist group to consolidate all these awards. We’ll call it, “The Awards Are Too Damn Many” party.
• Heisman ballots continue to be updated at stiffarmtrophy.com. As of this writing, LaMichael James is narrowly holding onto second place. And oh by the way, you already know this, but James is going to be in New York as a finalist.
• How about this piece of news from yesterday? The final BCS standings were wrong. The error effected the 10th and 11th ranked teams so no big deal, but it speaks to the greatergianthugemonolithicextreme joke that is this system.
• Wow. Wisconsin’s student newspaper is not afraid to name names when it comes to students buying Rose Bowl tickets for a quick profit. It’s so Old Testament in a gentle, no one gets hurt kind of way. I like it!
• George Schroeder chased down some perspective from Mike Bellotti. One wouldn’t blame Bellotti for feeling a little left out right now, but he seems happy for all his old colleagues and players.
• Oh Eugene, I love you. Some dude in Lane County changed his name to Captain Awesome.
• Double jinx! Cam Newton and LaMichael James grace regional covers of SI. After the game, one fan base will say it was the SI cover jinx that beat them because people like to believe in crazy things that take the light off bad performances.
• The always entertaining list of bowl game swag is out. Sign me up for the Sun Bowl’s Helen of Troy hair dryer, which I thought was funny. But then WOTB says, “That’s a good brand.” So maybe it’s not so ba– no, that’s a terrible gift.