The Jeff Tedford award for “We would never ask anyone on our team to fake something! Oh that, well, I didn’t know. Talk to my assistant.”

And the winner is: Whoever is responsible at Oregon for releasing documents provided by Willie Lyles that were, uh, thoroughly researched and totally worth the money. They paid me to say that. Stacks and stacks of money. On a company check no less.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Remember the early 90s? Remember that? Those were good times”

And the winner is: The Washington Huskies, because it’s never too early in a season to throw your first jab.

The David Shaw award for “All I need to be a good coach is a little Luck. Yeah, see what I did there?”

And the winner is: Headline writers and copy editors everywhere. We get it. The last name of the Heisman-contending quarterback at Stanford is Luck and it’s a most versatile word indeed.

The Mike Stoops award for “This is the year. I just know it!”

And the winner is: Cal Bears fans who are sure they’ve performed the proper rituals to rid themselves of the curse of Rilayooshore and are hyped on Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard to finally deliver the team a consistent season at quarterback.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “It’ll all be better if we just hire an alum to run our program”

And the winner is: Jon Embree, new head coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. Good luck to you, sir. These types of hires always work out. Note to Mr. Embree: That was really a shot at Neuheisel because, well, he’ll always deserve it.

The Jon Embree award for “This blog doesn’t know the first thing about this guy so let’s just give the award to a random dude”

And the winner is: Michael Kirby, Utah defensive back. Have you heard of him? I didn’t think so.

The Chip Kelly award for “We’re damn good. We’ll smoke ‘em all”

And the winner is: Well, duh. Cliff Harris, the Oregon cornerback who relied upon the ol’ “we smoked all the weed” defense when pulled over by Oregon state police in June.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “While you might think it’s still questionable, we’re back!”

And the winner is: James Rodgers, Oregon State wide receiver. It looks like the Beaver standout receiver is going to make it back from the gruesome knee injury suffered early on in the 2010 season. But still, we’re going to need to see some proof.

The Kyle Wittingham award for “We’re good enough, we’re smart enough and gosh darnit, people are gonna like us”

And the winner is: Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State wide receiver, mostly because I still can’t believe that guy is a starting wide receiver in the Pac-12, and a good one at that.

The Mike Riley award for “I’ve been here a long time and I’ll probably never leave”

And the winner is: Senior Chris Owusu, Stanford wide receiver. Maybe it’s just me but I’m fairly certain he enrolled in 2002.

The Paul Wulff award for “Yeah, this looks better, but is it really going to be any different?”

And the winner is: UCLA freshman quarterback Brett Hundley, the highly-touted savior of Rick Neuheisel’s uninspired group of quarterbacks, who ended up having knee surgery and postponing his inevitable ascension to starter status.

The Lane Kiffin award for “See, no major violation, I’m totally clean”

And the winner is: Nobody. They’re all guilty, rotten-to-the-core human beings who’s only real talent is the ability to stick a hand out and expect giant stacks of gold bricks to magically appear. Either that or hookers, but regardless, everyone’s a dirty cheater.

This award is sponsored by Sports by Brooks. When you want only the best in rumor-mongering and half-baked truths, choose SbB!

• An Auburn booster about to stand trial for all kinds of corruption in the great state of Alabama is getting a pass from the judge to attend the national championship game. But don’t worry Auburn, he only tried to corrupt people outside your program. He’s very judicious with how he breaks the rules.
• Great article by Rachel Bachman shining the light on Oregon’s outlier program in terms of traditional national championship participants. What Oregon has lacked in the usual indicators of success, it has made up for by creating its own advantages.
• This fan of the day intimidates me what with his costuming and a weaponry that appears to include a light saber and battle axe. Maybe I’m not cut out to be selected by The Oregonian after all. But, yo! I’ll still take the call.
• Are the Oregon Ducks drowning out the TrailBlazers grip on the Rose City? I doubt it. The Blazers have a ridiculous stranglehold on that city.
• Well, it had to happen eventually. You read enough stuff and you’ll end up finding the dumbest article ever written. Oregon should apparently worry about all the lavish spending by Phil Knight. I mean, no other programs rely on donations to operate a budget. Not ever ever.
• I know what sells. Drugs, sex and other illicit behavior. So of course I’m including a link to a report about football program drug policies.
• The Oregon Commentator, I think, is right on the money calling On The Rocks’ new video “Call Me a Duck” a marketing tool for the university. When I watched, that’s the first thing my cynical mind thought. If that’s really the case, eh, whatever. It’s still catchy.
• Both LaMichael James and Cliff Harris were named consensus all-Americans. To me, this is the one that matters given that it’s a conglomeration of five different lists. Seriously, I can only process one winner. It’s America, baby!
• And the winner for first to publish a top 25 for 2011 goes to….NATIONALCHAMPS.NET! Woohoo! Congratulations, guys.
• The Register-Guard is doing a five part series that analyzes Oregon’s title run. Part II is on Darron Thomas. It’s well-researched and worth the read.

Apparently, I've found a legal way to get inside this stadium.

Before the links, a short story from last night.

There I sat in the same dark room I hadn’t left in days. Light had all but given up trying to penetrate my day-to-day life. I quit shaving altogether. My clothes were on a hot streak for consecutive days worn. It was stage 5 no-Natty ticket depression. Heavy stuff, to be sure. And then, with the surprise of a Jake Locker completion, my phone rings.

“Hello?,” I say.

The voice on the other end was that of the mother-in-law of the blog (MILOTB, natch).

“Nick, how would you like to be inside the stadium in Glendale?”

“Um, yeah, of course!” I exlaimed with glee, ready to shout yippee!

“Two tickets are yours if you want them.”

After pondering the statement for negative 4 billion seconds, I staked my claim. Could it be? Tickets for me? Are they fake? Is this a cruel joke? Why are you playing such a mean joke? Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to a person. How dare you!

But would you believe it, MILOTB spoke the truth. I swear at that moment I saw a rainbow and maybe even a unicorn. With tickets secured, I hung up, had a good cry for an hour or so (the happy kind) and realized, life is good (but I’m still not shaving. Too much work.).

• Yesterday, the BCS game uniforms were announced. The Oregonian went much deeper into the design and included some history of the Ducks relationship with Nike regarding all that is football fashion.
• LaMichael James was named first-team all-American. Again. This time, it’s the AP version. Cliff Harris was a second-team selection. No more award jokes. They’ve worn me down. I accept that there has to be 100 different awards doing the same thing.
• This shirt is a legend in its own right. Guessing it’s not an officially licensed shirt by the Big Ten.
• For some reason, Cal is handing it to the Ducks in recruiting lately. To each their own in life, but you choose Cal over Oregon right now and I’m questioning your will to win. And play through light cramping. Just sayin’.
• Hey, Ted Miller gave some love to D.J. Davis, too. It’s a groundswell of support for the senior wide receiver. If it’s up to me, he will be a superstar by January 10.
• Bored? Kill some time considering Oregon’s top 5 bowl games ever. It’s actually a hard list to argue with given the small sample size to choose from. I don’t know a thing about the 1949 Cotton Bowl, so no comment there. One omission, the 2000 Holiday Bowl, will forever have a special place within the beating, pulsating muscle I call a heart.
• I didn’t watch this video about how Oregon can stop Cameron Newton mostly because Craig James is in the preview and I can’t imagine what good would come of clicking play. Still, the question intrigues me. I suppose you can figure out some sort of football-related strategy, but why not take your chances and tell him he has to play for free? Maybe he won’t show up.
• The Portland Tribune has a preview of the Oregon basketball season, which will be short on size. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. See what I did there?

• Really, we should be kicking off the week with Oregon links but the Big 10 is just so ridiculously ridiculous with its rebranding effort this morning. They have renamed their divisions to “Leaders” and “Legends.” And if that’s not bad enough, they’ve unleashed a new logo that forgot the 1 and the 2, which together form the correct number, 12. They might as well have just gone with this.
• Dang, UO students got kinda’ screwed. Apparently, Student Affairs sold off the student allotment to a travel agency who then sold back to students at a jacked up price.
• Darron Thomas made Dr. Saturday’s list of top overachievers this season. I agree and I don’t. On the one hand, no one even knew he’d be the starter until one week before the first game. On the other, he was highly recruited so he wasn’t exactly an unknown.
• Anytime a story involves Bryan Bracey, I feel obligated to link it. I don’t really know why. I just know he was among a group to tour Matt Court and that is awesome.
• Addicted to Quack puts LaMichael James season up against years and years of “The Suffering.” Great article. In so many ways, I am not unhappy to have been born later.
• LaMichael James and Cliff Harris were named to yet another version of the all-American team. We should be done with these by April. I’m fairly certain I have a shot if there are indeed that many more teams.
• Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, aka, the guy that makes Auburn fans blindly believe in head coach Gene Chizik, may be on the move to Vanderbilt. Conspiracy alert! What does he know? Is he making the move because he knows Cam Newton cheated? Is he getting out before it’s too late? Will Auburn be given the death penalty by Christmas? I don’t know. Maybe he just wants a head coaching gig. But Vanderbilt? Really? (EDIT: Never mind. Just reported he’s staying right after I posted this. I kidding anyway, Mr. Auburn fan.).
• While the boss is away…Chip Kelly returned to practice and the intensity picked up. He’s magical, I tell you.

Oh, and to all those awesome links that got skipped during my absence, I am profoundly sorry. You deserved better. You really did.

• Kicking it off today with some me. If your article includes my name in any way, you will get linked. That’s a fact. This blog has more ego than LeBron James on a date with Donald Trump.*
• By now, you’ve seen or heard about Cliff Harris calling Oregon State little brother. That’s neat and all, but after Arizona, Cliff needs to get back to locking down whatever it is he normally locks down. Focus on the prize, nacho man.
• Congratulations to Darron Thomas for being named a finalist for the Manning Award. But seriously, how many awards does college football need for every position? Does everybody get hardware? Is there a blogger award? I’d call it the WordPress Trophy and would humbly accept any prize.
• Bless you Ted Miller. You are a friend to the Pac-10. But you need a headline rewrite. “Why Stanford is better than your team” needs a parenthetical on the end. I suggest, “(Unless your team is Oregon).”
• Bo Thran is the only Oregonian starting for the Ducks. But it’s Thran’s high school, Sam Barlow, that gets the story some link love. It is, after all, the greatest high school in Oregon to ever produce the operator of www.offthepond.net. Anyone else getting tired of me, yet? Oh, don’t be silly. You love it.
• Wired Oregon tackles the fake injury issue that reared its head once again during the Arizona game when fans booed what looked like a legitimate injury. I don’t get the immediate booing. Wait for the player to come back in. If it’s on the next play, give him hell. Otherwise, give the dude a polite clap and hush yo mouf.
• Being a first team AFCA all-American is just the first of many honors for LaMichael James this year. He is a lock for consensus all-American status.
• Anyone taking a deep look inward will eventually become an Oregon Duck fan. It’s science.
• Who you got as favorite Duck player that doesn’t get any attention? Consider my vote for D.J. Davis.

*It could also be said that this blog has so little ego, it takes every chance it gets to pretend a small sampling of bravado does, in fact, exist.

(Photo courtesy of the Twitter account @justindyoung. The original was posted here. Hopefully, he doesn’t mind my usage.)

• The Duck is in a battle with Brutus the Buckeye. Go vote for him and feel slightly better about that Rose Bowl loss.
• Coach Kelly says no turkey on Thanksgiving. What a slave driver! Pst, thanks coach. Make sure they don’t get any potatoes either. We want lean and mean on Friday!
• Make sure you get in to Autzen a little earlier than usual to honor the winningest class of seniors in school history.
• Guessing this writer at the Oregon Daily Emerald will get some feedback for calling out apathetic student fans. I can’t blame students for not going to every athletic event. I doubt I ever went to a volleyball match. But no one should be leaving a football game early. That’s some spoiled behavior, if true.
• At least the organizer of this black and yellow effort is enthusiastic. Completely going to fail, too. But thanks for trying.
• Would the Rose Bowl take TCU over Stanford if it’s an option? Yikes, that would not please the Pac-10.
• ESPN’s college football rumor central page (Insider) connects the dots and sees a potential 2012 marriage between Arizona State and Mike Bellotti. Funny, that’s where my dots connect, too.
• Ted Miller went ahead and tried to convince himself that Arizona has a shot. It reads like one of those articles where someone takes up a point that they don’t really believe in. You know, kind of like anything ESPN does on TV when it has two analysts argue a topic. That’s not to say Miller doesn’t do a good job. I’m just not convinced he believes it and I know I don’t.
• In the land of awards, Chip Kelly is a finalist for coach of the year, LaMichael James for the Doak Walker award. Notable omissions were Cliff Harris not making the cut as a Jim Thorpe finalist and James being denied a shot at the Maxwell which is given to the overall best player.

Whoa, this SearchBag is so ginormous, I had to use a made-up word to describe it. I left out as much as I put in. Don’t you go skimming the words just because it’s longer, ya’ hear? SearchBag demands your full attention!

• chip kelly wedding pictures, chip kelly wedding photo, chip kelly wedding (Google Searches in Eugene, OR, Los Angeles, CA and Portland OR)

What’s with all the wedding searches? Did I miss something? What is Chip doing during the improvement week? Did he leave town and get hitched?

• chip kelly in seattle (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

For a wedding? That’s ridiculous. No one gets married in Seattle*. They go to Reno or Las Vegas. Seattle? There had to be some other purpose.

*Yes, brother that is getting married in Seattle, that line was for you.

• will chip kelly go pro (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

WHA WHA WHAT? Is that what he went to Seattle for? We are in the middle of winning a national title here, dammit! I don’t have time for this.

• what time should you arrive autzen (Google Search in Waukesha, WI)

Oh what? #shotsfired

You can’t be too early. I once showed up at 2 am for College GameDay in 2000. We were the first ones there, standing in the darkness. Yeah, you heard right Green Boy. We beat you there. Oh, don’t think we didn’t see you on the news claiming you were first. Lies! Just ask Vicki who had to be woken up to come perform security. Oh, the truth hurts!

And while I’m on the subject of fans with personas, wearing a barrel doesn’t mean you get to show up late and plow your way to the front. Egregious!

*Ah, 10 years of pent up anger pours its way onto the blog. Now, I can live.

• reason for the forward pass (Bing Search in Springfield, MO)

Uh, did you not watch last night’s Washington vs. UCLA game? The Huskies passed for 68 yards and the only reason that wasn’t pathetic is because the Bruins totaled 55 yards. They invented the forward pass so we wouldn’t be subjected to that ever again. The system failed us miserably yesterday.

• six facts about teams (Google Search in Los Angeles, CA)

(1) They are great.
(2) They are terrible.
(3) They cheat.
(4) They have a cheater.
(5) They cheated.
(6) They are overrated.

Totally expecting rational responses if any of those team’s fans ever find this blog.

• “otp community” meaning (Google Search in Washington, DC)

DC? Oh crap, I caught the attention of the politicians. What did I do? Listen, the OTP Community thing is just a work in progress, a development sandbox if you will. I’m sorry it’s not very good yet. There’s not gonna’ be a congressional hearing, is there? Is it really a crime that I’m trying to have people hang out and participate? Just tell the government to back off.

• what color to wear to future oregon ducks games? (Google Search in Grants Pass, OR)

Apparently, THE MAN says you have to alternate colors this time. Yellow, then black, then yellow, then black.

NO, NO, NO, NO. You stand up good sir and tell them no.

This color scheming stuff is utter nonsense. It’s unOregon and I won’t have it.

• what’s wrong with the oregon ducks after the bears game (Bing Search in Longview, WA)

OMG EVERYTHING! The coaching, the offensive line, the defense, the quarterback, the running game, the training staff, the practices. Yeah, man, it’s everything. I’d start watching basketball if I was you.

• oregon basketball court ttatt (Google Search in Willmar, MN)

That search is all the proof I need to request a redo on the Matthew Knight logo. It’s thoughtful, it’s meaningful but it just doesn’t work.

• unrequited google searches (Google Search in Flourtown, PA)

If I understand right, you want Google to search me back, but it doesn’t know? This is fascinating. What would a billion dollar empire search for on a niche college football blog? Hold on, I need to eat these mushrooms I just picked before going any further.

Whoa, dude. Trippy.

Google totally just searched me. It wrote “we are stanford fans you suck.”

My alogorithm just returned:
You searched for we are stanford fans you suck
Did you mean oregon beat stanford’s ass 52-31

*SearchBag totally just resulted in trash talking to Stanford. Only here.

• duck football analysis (Google Search in Reno, NV)

LOL! No, really, that’s a real LOL and not an overuse of a lame acronym. You actually found this blog with that search term? Wow. Here, I’ll treat you. Don’t get too excited, this is a special occasion.

The Oregon offense struggled against Cal, but don’t sweat it. Plays were there to be made but execution was lacking. And if you’re worried about some kind of blueprint, don’t be. If anything, Chip has some tape to look at to prepare a counter for future opponents that employ a similar strategy.

Whew, what happened? I blacked out.

Readers: “Wait, you call that analysis? Wow, hope you didn’t drown yourself skimming along the surface. You should really charge for that. No, really, go ahead and offer a subscription service. We’d love to pay for that.”

• head hurting ever week (Google Search in Fulton, MS)

Well, Mississippi, Jeremiah Masoli isn’t our problem anymore. Try some Tylenol or just gut it out for a couple more games.

• Stanford fansites (Bing Search in Anaheim, CA)

The fact you ended up on this site tells me the pickings were slim.

*Picking on Stanford again? Harsh.

• please let the oregon ducks play at san diego state (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

Oh, I’m on to you Eugene. I know who you are. You know who you are. I’m all for the idea, but just so you know, I know.

• i dont know there is a cam there!! (Google Search in Sana)

Forgive our foreign searcher’s broken English. He refers to the hilarious new SEC-produced comedy called I Didn’t Know There Was a Cam There!! Compliance officials have placed hidden cameras all over the south and then spring the surprise on unsuspecting rules violators.

Tune in next week for the Auburn edition of I Didn’t Know There Was a Cam There!!

• chip kelly all access (Google Search in Jackson, MS)

Does he genuinely answer a question for somebody? I’ll need video proof or it didn’t happen.

• jeff maehl fake injuries (Google Search in San Leandro, CA)

Where do you people come up with some of these searches? You know what, I’ll let it pass because that’s an improvement over the last Jeff Maehl search. You know, the nude one.

• don james, jim lambright and rick neuheisel (Google Search in Salem, OR)

I know Huskies. It’s really been that long and it’s not getting any better. But you saw for yourself what Neuheisel’s up to. You don’t really want that back, do you?

• thechickenandtheegg.net (Google Search in Everett, WA)

You’re in luck! GoDaddy says it’s available. But forget .com. I personally know the pain of someone else owning the domain you really want and doing absolutely nothing with it and never responding to your inquiries about its availability and being stuck with crappy .net and …and…I want .com dammit!*

*Oh great, the price just went up. Should have kept that to myself for bargaining power.

• good facts about oregon (Google Search in Berlin, CT)

If you want to use the word “good,” search for facts about Stanford. You want Oregon facts, try “great” or “amazing.”

*Three slams on Stanford in one post?!? Consider this decade’s quota met.

• runitback games (Google Search in Passaic, NJ)

Those are all different types of games Oregon’s opponents play to try and stop a Cliff Harris punt return. Fun, but kinda’ futile.

• cliff harris by exile (Google Search in Beaverton, OR)

Yes, that’s one of the runitback games they play. Exile is one of the more complicated methods of stopping him. It never works.

• “is off the pond faking injuries?”, “is off the pond married”, “off the pond is a jerk”, “how awesome is off the pond wife”, “who is offthepond” (Google Search in San Jose, CA)
  

Uh, did some people I hung out with last weekend for the Cal game get a little carried away trying to game the SearchBag? Yes.

After that marathon of searches, the blog is just plain tired. You can follow Off The Pond on Twitter, but it might be napping. See you next week for a Black Friday game day edition of SearchBag. Until then, Happy Turkey Day!

Thomas and Burfict: "Where's our media attention?"

Vontaze Burfict and Chase Thomas just called. They want to know why no one cares about their ouchies. Said Burfict: “Man, I faked seven injuries on my own! Do you hear me? On my own!”

• Injury faking is all the rage after Tuesday’s weekly Pac-10 coaches’ call yielded answers from Mike Stoops, Jeff Tedford and Chip Kelly on the topic. The Oregonian has an unnamed Cal source stating that it was part of the game plan which goes contrary to Tedford’s claim that they didn’t try the tactic. Kelly defended Oregon fans for booing and even though he says it’s not a big deal, his answers reveal at least some level of perturbance. Of course, EDSBS has the story from an Italian soccer player’s perspective and it’s all completely true made up.
• I’m certain this is the year of the Duck. Why else would Puddles be included in a Wall Street Journal video featuring “The Dougie?”
• Mike Bellotti does not want the Colorado job. That’s not what he’s actually saying, but we’ve seen him do this dance before. It’s just leverage for a better job at a more well-funded program.
• Oregon makes the list at No. 3 in the worst BCS snubs of all time (ESPN Insider). As bad as you might feel for TCU and Boise State, if there are two teams that are owed a BCS title shot, it’s Oregon and Auburn. The Tigers 2004 snub after an undefeated season is the second biggest snub of all time.
• ESPN Stats and Info puts Auburn’s defense next to Oregon’s and it’s not even close.
• Oregon-Cal set a record on Versus for most watched program in network history. It broke a record previously held by…Oregon. Three million people watched at its peak.
• The Oregon Daily Emerald has a Q&A with Cliff Harris. I find him best digested in carefully selected sound bites. Otherwise, you might catch him being humble and thoughtful. Who wants that? Either that or whoever told him to tone it down needs to reverse course. Free Cliff’s swagger!

A win is a win is a win is a win is a win. Should I go on?

1. Wait, you thought this was going to be easy? EASY!? Well,  yeah, me too. Look at all the teams with one loss right now. Some of them look unbeatable. Wisconsin goes for 83 points? Ohio State running down everyone they play? LSU with the quality wins it has? All good teams, but somewhere along the way, each of them got beat. Why? Because it’s freaking hard to go undefeated. A 15-13 win over Cal does not bother me at all. In fact, I’m ecstatic. This isn’t just a rare season, it’s completely unprecedented. Who cares if you have to win a close one?

2. Didn’t like going for it on 4th down? I say go for it again! Chip Kelly went for it on two fourth downs in his own half of the field on the game’s first drive. Some are questioning the call after the second attempt failed. I completely disagree. You’re asking Chip to change a coaching philosophy that is largely responsible for a 10-0 record. Sometimes, it fails, but if you question going for it on fourth down, you should also question two point conversions and so many other risky moves Chip has made.

3. Another team has the blueprint, oh my! Cal defensive back Chris Conte said “The rest of the Pac-10 can take notice,” about the Bears effort to slow Oregon’s offense. Ok, I guess someone should tell Chip, yeah?

4. Missed field goals at the start of the fourth quarter do not decide games. Oregon still had an entire quarter to make up for it had they gone down 16-15. Sure, it might have become the difference, but there was still too much game left to play. In my opinion, the two-point conversion was a much bigger deal. If it fails, Cal kicks two extra points and wins by one. But that’s an “if” game, too and each action throughout a game influences the next action. Butterfly effect, ya’ know?

5. Might want to tone down the injury booing, Duck fans. Then again, if coaches are going to be that blatant with a bush league tactic, I guess you get what you get.

6. Finally, Darron Thomas proves you can’t win ‘em all while breaking in a sophomore quarterback. Or not. This was why we all tempered our enthusiasm for the 2010 season, right? It’s hard enough for a veteran quarterback to go undefeated so forget about it with a first-time starter. And yet, in Thomas’ worst game of the season, the one we all expected at some point on the road, the team rallied and found a way to win via special teams and defense.

7. The offensive line sure didn’t help. It was hard to fairly judge performances from the end zone in a stadium that runs replays with the frequency of a lunar eclipse. But it was still possible to tell Thomas was under more pressure than usual and running lanes were nonexistent. I’m no connoisseur of offensive line play and won’t pretend to have the answers, but a week off will hopefully result in some corrections against Arizona, another good defensive team.

8. Rankings aren’t based on week-to-week results. Most people get this and that’s why the Ducks maintained their ranking in the polls. But some voters dropped Oregon and that’s unfair. How do you penalize a team for winning on the road in a season that has been otherwise spectacular? Opinions seem to be swayed fairly easily without regard to the whole season. Not that it matters or anything.

9. The blog finally contributed to a win outside of writing really important* words during the week. Don’t believe me, just ask quarterback Brock Mansion. He said after the game that crowd noise was a factor on the missed field goal in the fourth quarter. That’s not how home field advantage is supposed to work.

10. Oh, by the way, CLIFF HARRIS! That is all. Happy bye week.

*No, seriously. Every word here is of critical importance. Pay attention.

• oregon football twitter (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

Haha, oh you know me too well. But I’m off that train now. @OregonFootball died and on the 12th day resurrected as @Duck_Feed. Go ahead and follow. Just don’t forget me along the way.

• “scott woodward” forum (Google Search in Gaithersburg, MD)

Are you looking for this guy? He’s an Australian and probably resents all the shame the UW version is bringing to his name.

And when I say “shame,” that has nothing to do with the comments Woodward recently made about Oregon. His football program is the real embarrassment.

• i hate the huskies (Google Search in Portland, OR)

Thank you, Scott Woodward, for reminding us all.

• what happened to the oregon duck modern mascot? (Google Search in Stockton, CA)

You mean this abomination? —————————— >

Like with everything Oregon does, I gave it a try. But in the end, it was like trying to appreciate McDonald’s for its contributions to the hamburger. Just doesn’t add up.

As for what happened, I can only speculate, but I believe the suit was placed in a furnace where it will be burned for the rest of eternity.

• herbstreit moving to eugene oregon (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

This is true. Well, actually, he probably already did. It was in 2007 that he said, “If my wife and kids are watching, pack your bags – we’re moving to Eugene, Oregon. This is heaven.”

So unless Kirk’s a liar, you’d think three years would be plenty of time to follow through. You weren’t just pandering to us, right Kirk?

• offthepond.net loves rachel bachman but won’t admit it (Google Search in Beaverton, OR)

I see what you’re doing here, but I won’t be baited into a kerfuffle. For the record, I appreciate investigative journalism. It keeps people and organizations honest (or at least tries to). Have I been satisfied with the way The Oregonian went after Oregon? Not so much. But that’s all you’ll get out of me, you rabble-rouser.

• “matt barkley is an idiot” and “matt barkley smokin hot” (Google Search in Portland, OR and Yahoo Search in Portland, OR)

Sigh, it’s always the pretty ones, huh?

• oregon puddles andy (Google Search in Medford, OR)

At first, this search confused me. So I thought reeeeallly hard about what it could be.

[INSERT JOKE ABOUT ME THINKING HARD HERE]

It popped in my head that you could see the name Andy written on the bottom of Puddles’ webfoot in this video (skip to about 1:15).

What does it mean? I don’t know. Not everything in SearchBag gets answers. Sometimes, the mystery endures.

• “bellotti linked to sun devils”, “cougars bellotti”, “bellotti hearts Colorado”, “Mike Bellotti can say yes to UCLA this time”, “wait no, bellotti to Minnesota” (Google Searches in Scottsdale, AZ, Vancouver, WA and San Diego, CA)

Okay, so the last three are my searches, but Scottsdale and Vancouver only did 2/5 the job. Someone needed to fill in the blanks.

One thing I’ve become certain of is that Mike Bellotti will coach somewhere soon. ASU feels like the right fit, especially now that it’s in a different division and Oregon would only be on the schedule twice in four years.

• pac-10 on fsn terrible coverage (Google Search in Raleigh, NC)

Given that I have cable in San Diego, it’s 99% impossible to watch Pac-10 football on FSN. If the actual coverage is terrible, I have no idea. I guess the best thing I can say about FSN is that I can’t watch it. So there’s a ringing endorsement.

• cliff harris lock shit down (Google Search in Newberg, OR)

Just in case you forgot…

• mike stoops facial expressions (Google Search in Roswell, NM)

It's a small sample size, but I hope this helps.

• kindcop@nate.com (Google Search in Gwachon, Gyeonggi-do, South Korea)

Congratulations. That is officially the first search I have no idea how to answer. Not even my creative side can access a response.

• oregon california pick (Google Search in Savannah, GA)

I think Cal’s defense is going to be a little stingy and will lead to Oregon’s lowest offensive output of the year. However, what Cal does with the ball can hardly be called offense. The Ducks should still get a healthy number on the board while limiting the Bears to a couple field goals.

Oregon 38, Cal 6.

If you don’t mind, the blog has a plane to catch and football to watch. You can and should follow Off The Pond on Twitter. Why? Just because. Happy football everyone!