Day 1: The waiting is the hardest part | Day 2: When the booze is free, it gets consumed | Day 3: If nothing else, there was a moment

Sunday, January 9, 2011: When the booze is free, it gets consumed
8:30ish a.m. I probably slept five hours max. My friend who flew in from New York has a snoring habit. Frankly, I don’t know how anyone can breathe so violently and with so much force, yet sleep perfectly well. However, I learned a neat trick. This is how I got it to stop:

Tired, cranky me: “gkgkgkgkgkgkgk!!” <–That’s me simulating a snoring sound.
Still tired, still cranky me: “Louder!”
Tired me with a louder voice: “You sound like a rhinoceros!”

Snoring friend: “Was I snoring?”

Me: Ah, problem solved.

10:33 a.m. We’re at some mall in Glendale where we’ve been told the concierge is handing out free passes to the VIP tent inside the Bud Light Fiesta where all the pep rallies take place. This is a $50 value and it involves drinking as much as you want. Yes, I’ll have one of those, please.

11:00 a.m. Nike is sponsoring a town hall with the guests of Oregon past. Dan Fouts is the host. Max Unger, Jairus Byrd, Jonathan Stewart, Dennis Dixon and Joey Harrington are on the panel. Stewart seems especially loquacious. I always pegged him for a shy guy. Joey is Mr. Analytical, breaking down everything in great detail. But it’s Dixon who has the best line. Asked what he first thought of Darron Thomas, he said, “Is that me?” Yes, Dennis, it is, except this version comes with a knee that didn’t leave me in the fetal position for 43 days.

12:00 p.m. Okay, we’ve moved into the p.m. half of the day. Let’s go check out this VIP tent and get a drink.

12:23 p.m. Yeah, can I get another?

12:59 p.m. Yes, please, I’ll have another.

In the VIP, you get to hang out with people that look like Brett Michaels.

1:37 p.m. The Auburn pep rally starts at two and it has become very orange. The VIP is money, though. Everyone outside the gates is practically hugging each other. There are people lining every inch of all three levels of the adjacent parking structure. Inside the fence, though, we roam like a herd of elephants on the African plains destroying watering holes and livers all at once.

1:45 p.m. Some Auburn fan: “War eagle!”

1:45:05 p.m. Me: “Roll Tide!”

1:45:10 p.m. Some Auburn fan now with an incredulous look: “What?! Don’t say that. That’s not cool.”

1:53 p.m. They are playing a shit ton of country music.

2:00 p.m. The Auburn pep rally starts. It’s a fairly boring event. Old guys saying stuff. Pomp and circumstance all around. Wareaglewareeaglewareaglewareagle. Beer please!

O-T-P rollin' V-I-P...and sucking my thumb?

3:00 p.m. They are herding us up like cows. Our VIP passes are only good until three. The next session is at four and we don’t have passes. Problem is, we’ve been getting free drinks for three hours and are pretty sure that it is our God-given right to be in there all day long.

3:00- 4:00 p.m. I run into some family members who no doubt take note of my level of intoxication. In fact, I would receive an email from my brother a couple days later. “So, I heard you were pretty hammered…”

4:00 p.m. The VIP is open again. We’re all certain getting back in is easy.

4:15 p.m. Security won’t be bribed. What kind of VIP is this? A few people in our party manage their way in and enjoy another drink. I see an opening on the fence line. Security is looking the other way aaaaaannnddd I’m in. Damn, that was easy.

4:17 p.m. I’m in the beer line, happy as can be. I’m going to take in Sebastian Bach and Supwitchugirl from the comfort of VIP. Free beer, a chair and no lines to the bathroom. Love it.

4:18 p.m. Mean head honcho guy: Let me see the other side of your pass.

Me: Oh, this, Yeah, okay, here.

Mean head honcho guy: Get out. It wasn’t that easy was, it?

Me: No sir.

Within the next 20 minutes, everyone that’s not supposed to be in the VIP is rounded up and given the boot. Well, except for one man we made friends with. He escapes the watchful eye of security. We have an inside guy.

4:50 p.m. Man, this beer line sucks. And I have to use the bathroom, but there’s 100 people sandwiched in each square foot of space. Truth is, I would have bought a VIP pass if they weren’t sold out. That place was worth every penny.

5:00 p.m. Oregon’s pep rally starts. It’s way cooler. We have Neil Everett and Ahmad Rashad. Sebastian Bach. Supwitchugirl. On The Rocks of recent NBC fame. Most importantly, there is no country music.

Whenever the show ended: Up on Camelback Mountain, Nike is projecting the ‘O’ across the face. It alternates with a swoosh and the “Just Do It” slogan. Freaking cool.

Only you Nike.

7:30 p.m. Or maybe it’s 8. Or 6:30. I have no clue: It’s dark, there is a pretty decent band covering tunes everyone knows. It’s a festive atmosphere. I run into my distantly related cousin and his crew of people. We have a good time. But they have VIP passes and we don’t. Are we really going to do this again?

Sometime into the night before 9 pm: We are back in the VIP. The food is better this time around. Truthfully, I stopped drinking long ago. Responsibility is a bitch.

11:30ish p.m. WOTB…she had fun and with her dignity in mind, I’ll leave it at that. We got her to bed where she can sleep one off. My snoring friend and I go find an In ‘n Out and eat up. Somehow, we end up sleeping before midnight. These are no longer the days where all day drinking can be tolerated. I’m too old for that.

2ish a.m. That snoring is happening again and all three of us are awake for the next three hours. It’s the anticipation of Monday, the snoring and the early bed time all rolled into one.

What’s more fun? Reading about LeGarrette Blount or Getting Hit By Him?

I have a medical condition known as Blount Fatigue. I don’t want to hear about it anymore. Give him a carry. Or don’t. Just stop talking about it! Terrell Owens called and said he wants his attention back.

Like Ron Burgundy said on his ESPN audition, “That’s just dumb”

Am I reading this right? An Oregon State player would rather play in the Holiday Bowl than root for Oregon this weekend to set up the Beavers’ shot at a Rose Bowl? And people agree with him? I always root for whatever is best for the Oregon Ducks. Period. If that means I have to dress up with buck teeth, slap a flat tail on my ass and gnaw on some trees for a weekend, so be it (do with the visual what you will).

Masoli! Look out! It’s Arizona!

Did you hear? Arizona is where Duck quarterbacks go to die (or suffer season-ending injuries). The last two desert trips have resulted in Kellen Clemens and Dennis Dixon playing their last down of college football. No, really, it happened in both 2005 and 2007. Honestly, how many of these friendly reminder articles do I need to give you? It’s mostly The Oregonian’s fault. Apparently, they want whatever resilient part of me that soldiered on two years ago to finally die.

I Smell Roses

I was just reading about this viral video that didn’t “viral” it’s way to my laptop before the University of Oregon freaked out and shut it down. But Google is still my friend and while I get the UO’s point, you can’t stop the internet. It’s kind of big. In case you’re like me and just crawled out from under your rock, here it is courtesy of Yahoo Australia (sorry Angie, you should have let me be a marketing intern).

Point is, everybody’s dealing with it. In the final injury report prior to last week’s games, Oregon had the second fewest injury issues of any team in the conference. Oregon’s not unique and if they’re a championship caliber team, they’ll fight through it.

Sure, it feels a little star-crossed to see the Duck quarterback suffer an injury for the fourth time in five years, but it doesn’t have to make or break the season. They’ve picked up the pieces before. In fact, Oregon’s worst season in those five years was the one in which a quarterback didn’t get hurt.

Eventually, the injury bug can break you (see Dennis Dixon circa 2007). But remember that up to that point, the team had survived a rash of injuries including season-enders  to two of their top wide receivers as well as the second best running back and they still kept chugging along.

Now, five games into 2009, Oregon has reached that point where they are going to have to fight through some adversity and some young guys are going to have to grow up quickly (hey, who let Ernie Kent steal my sentence?).

Fortunately, they’re getting a helping hand from the schedule makers who somehow knew how to time everything juuuust right.

With a game at UCLA on one end of a bye and a trip to Washington at the other, it’s not like they’re facing a firing squad. Other than two players lost for the season, one could imagine an entirely healthy squad when they go to Seattle. Of course, that assumes we’re getting honest assessments of health, an assumption with the foundational support of quick sand.

I know as Duck fans we’re conditioned to expect the other giant shoe to drop, but it hasn’t happened yet. We can leave the worrying for another day.

Gotta’ Run That Football
The running game is clearly Oregon’s strength.

Wait, wait wait. Nick, if that’s what you call insight, I can’t wait to hear what’s coming next. I suppose you’ll tell us all that foreclosures are bad for the economy. Please, continue.

As I was saying, the running game is clearly Oregon’s strength. 300+ yards a game is a ridiculous number. LaGarrette Blount is the best back in the nation that no one is talking about. Combined with Jeremiah Johnson – he of “So You Think You Can Dance” fame, there is not a better 1-2 punch. Anyone that watched USC against Oregon State knows the Trojans have some questions to answer on the defensive line. Perhaps it takes a 5’6″ squirmer to make the Trojans look that bad, but you have to attack what appears to be a vulnerability.

Don’t let a USC running back get into rhythm.
Pete Carrol’s biggest flaw is his inability to pick a running back and stick with him. He’ll rotate players at the position all game if he doesn’t see one guy getting it done and the running game will be ineffective. Running backs need reps to get going. If Oregon can continue it’s strong run defense early, they could disrupt USC for the entire game.

Hit Mark Sanchez
No, don’t be like Boise State and take a cheap shot. Do it legitimately. Get burned on a blitz or two, but make sure you knock Manchez (FOTB’s name, not mine) down. He’s not as perfect as he was made out to be early in the season. He makes mistakes, but like any good quarterback, if he has time to make decisions, he will beat you.

Let Masoli Be Apart of the Running Game
The Trojans have an outstanding defense. They will limit Oregon’s offense and that’s a fact. The more dimensions you incorporate, though, the more difficult they will be to defend. USC has typically struggled against dual-threat quarterbacks. Even two years ago, when Oregon scored only 10 points, it was Dennis Dixon’s mistakes that stopped the Ducks. I believe – and remember, this is a lazy, non-fact checking blog – Oregon had four empty red zone trips in 2006. The Ducks can’t afford to protect Masoli and keep him limited. When you go against USC, you don’t hold back.

All the Usual Talking Points
Force turnovers, don’t commit any. Score early and take the crowd out of the game. Don’t be scared of big, bad USC. Don’t give up big plays. Blah, blah, blah. That analysis is so below my level of thinking.

There you have it. Do all these things, Oregon, and you’re sure to win. It’s that easy. Hell, I’d do it myself, but well, I’m too busy blogging. Enjoy football everyone.

PreNicktion
USC 31, Oregon 17 (After all that, you’re giving it to the Trojans by two touchdowns? That I am dear reader. That I am.)

Your visit will take some extreme patience and willingness to say, “no, these opinions are crazy.”

When you see things like, “why weren’t we prepared for losing Masoli,” quietly vomit in your mouth and then  understand that trying to have your 4th and 5th string true freshman quarterbacks ready to win football games by week 4 is slightly unreasonable.

When you read that “heads should roll, coaches should be fired, we lost a football game!!!” go ahead and spit out your 60 oz refillable Dr. Pepper as you realize that losing one game is an unreasonable occasion to make personnel decisions.

When you observe numerous mentions that Mike Bellotti simply isn’t a good enough coach, that he’s past his prime and he can’t get the job done, feel free to gag on your quarter pounder with cheese and try to remember that the same man was on his way to a national title game all of 11 months ago. While his coaching of 4th and 5th string freshman quarterbacks is clearly sub-par, you can probably forgive him.

When you read all the actual ways Oregon should prepare for and play football games as opposed to what the coaches and players are doing, go ahead and ask your neighbor to resuscitate you back to consciousness. You probably realize that sometimes other teams win football games and that there are actually other people capable of succeeding at what they do for a living.

When you read that Nate Costa is the future, but that Justin Roper can do it too, but that Jeremiah Masoli is pretty versatile, but that Chris Harper is a freakish athlete, but that Darron Thomas is like Dennis Dixon (guilty!), go ahead and and fall flat on your face from the complete dizziness in your brain. I actually don’t have a point here other than I am tired of trying to find the positive aspects in five different quarterbacks every season.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, please, be careful out there. People say some really dumb things.

In most respects, Saturday’s game against Boise State was nothing short of a nightmare. It conjured up the horrifying memories of the year 2004 and a team named Indiana. The first three quarters were awful. There was nothing to be happy about. Some lowlights:

• Jeremiah Johnson using his running back position as an audition tape for “So You Think You Can Dance and/or a remake of the movie “Sideways.”
• The defense’s staunch refusal to believe that the tight end is actually an eligible receiver.
• The coaching staff’s belief that throwing the football is one of those crazy new age offensive ideas.
• Watching Chris Harper throw and discovering the reason for all the running plays.
• Finding out that Jeremiah Masoli was injured on a dirty cheap shot

It was ugly. I closed the OZone player, disconnected the connection to the TV and pouted, all the while watching the bottom line on ESPN waiting for some good news. And then it came.

Glad…

Fire up the laptop, the future is on display. Freshman Darron Thomas took off the redshirt and put on his cape, He tossed three fourth quarter touchdown passes and was an onside kick from becoming an instant legend. All of a sudden, the game went from pointless, devastating blowout to exciting, promising future. All in one quarter. From the time he was recruited, Thomas has been getting casual mentions as the next Dixon, an absurd, unfair label. Yet, there he was, a true freshman showing poise and leading the Ducks from a certain loss to a near comeback. He may be the fifth quarterback, but no one has looked the part better than Thomas at any time this season.

In many ways, the game was a good thing. I can be released of the absurd notion that this team had any shot at a national title and retreat to a cozier expectation of Rose Bowl. Yeah, Rose Bowl. After all, it was a non-conference loss, so let’s just hop back on the wagon, point it to Pasadena and see if we can find our way there. The Rose Bowl has proven it doesn’t care if you’re the most worthy team, only that you belong to the Pac-10 or Big Ten and meet the minimum BCS standards. Are you convinced yet? Yeah, me niether, but remember, fan is short for fanatic.

But wait. Let’s think about this with a little more thought. Why are we all so sure Roper isn’t the guy?

He played well enough as a 5th string fill-in to get Oregon a Civil War win. He tied a Sun Bowl record for touchdown passes. He even ran for a score against OSU. One quarter into his start against Washington, the Ducks were up a quick 14 points. He was 7-11 passing. Yeah, he had a bad pick, but you try functioning with a concussion. He has unquestioned athleticism as a track and basketball star in high school. So what’s the problem?

It basically boils down to this: Dennis Dixon.

The former Heisman front-runner changed the way Duck fans view the quarterback position. You have to have escapability. You have to not just win, but electrify crowds from the 50 yard line of Autzen Stadium to people in the east still learning to say Or-eh-gun.

Unfortunately for Roper, when the infirmary filled up with quarterbacks in front of him, he became just another guy that couldn’t keep the magic of 2007 alive. He looked too much like Brady Leaf (tall and white). He couldn’t run the option with the same flare and effectiveness.

Masoli and Harper (and even Costa before his injury) are fresh faces. They had nothing to do with last season’s collapse. Therefore, they automatically are a better option going forward. After all, the next man up is always a fan’s best friend.

When I honestly look at what Roper’s done and put my biases aside, I can’t escape that fact that the sophomore has been pretty damn good. Perhaps Masoli does become the guy – and I’d be happy to see it – but I’m not ready to make that coronation.