The Jeff Tedford award for “We would never ask anyone on our team to fake something! Oh that, well, I didn’t know. Talk to my assistant.”

And the winner is: Whoever is responsible at Oregon for releasing documents provided by Willie Lyles that were, uh, thoroughly researched and totally worth the money. They paid me to say that. Stacks and stacks of money. On a company check no less.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Remember the early 90s? Remember that? Those were good times”

And the winner is: The Washington Huskies, because it’s never too early in a season to throw your first jab.

The David Shaw award for “All I need to be a good coach is a little Luck. Yeah, see what I did there?”

And the winner is: Headline writers and copy editors everywhere. We get it. The last name of the Heisman-contending quarterback at Stanford is Luck and it’s a most versatile word indeed.

The Mike Stoops award for “This is the year. I just know it!”

And the winner is: Cal Bears fans who are sure they’ve performed the proper rituals to rid themselves of the curse of Rilayooshore and are hyped on Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard to finally deliver the team a consistent season at quarterback.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “It’ll all be better if we just hire an alum to run our program”

And the winner is: Jon Embree, new head coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. Good luck to you, sir. These types of hires always work out. Note to Mr. Embree: That was really a shot at Neuheisel because, well, he’ll always deserve it.

The Jon Embree award for “This blog doesn’t know the first thing about this guy so let’s just give the award to a random dude”

And the winner is: Michael Kirby, Utah defensive back. Have you heard of him? I didn’t think so.

The Chip Kelly award for “We’re damn good. We’ll smoke ‘em all”

And the winner is: Well, duh. Cliff Harris, the Oregon cornerback who relied upon the ol’ “we smoked all the weed” defense when pulled over by Oregon state police in June.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “While you might think it’s still questionable, we’re back!”

And the winner is: James Rodgers, Oregon State wide receiver. It looks like the Beaver standout receiver is going to make it back from the gruesome knee injury suffered early on in the 2010 season. But still, we’re going to need to see some proof.

The Kyle Wittingham award for “We’re good enough, we’re smart enough and gosh darnit, people are gonna like us”

And the winner is: Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State wide receiver, mostly because I still can’t believe that guy is a starting wide receiver in the Pac-12, and a good one at that.

The Mike Riley award for “I’ve been here a long time and I’ll probably never leave”

And the winner is: Senior Chris Owusu, Stanford wide receiver. Maybe it’s just me but I’m fairly certain he enrolled in 2002.

The Paul Wulff award for “Yeah, this looks better, but is it really going to be any different?”

And the winner is: UCLA freshman quarterback Brett Hundley, the highly-touted savior of Rick Neuheisel’s uninspired group of quarterbacks, who ended up having knee surgery and postponing his inevitable ascension to starter status.

The Lane Kiffin award for “See, no major violation, I’m totally clean”

And the winner is: Nobody. They’re all guilty, rotten-to-the-core human beings who’s only real talent is the ability to stick a hand out and expect giant stacks of gold bricks to magically appear. Either that or hookers, but regardless, everyone’s a dirty cheater.

This award is sponsored by Sports by Brooks. When you want only the best in rumor-mongering and half-baked truths, choose SbB!

On the Season
Straight Up: 42-8
Against the Spread: 25-18

Posted spreads are from sportsbook.com at time of publishing.

#15 Arizona @ UCLA (Sat., FSN, 12:30 p.m.)
It’s really hard to watch last Thursday’s game and think UCLA has anything resembling a shot to win. But the Bruins have a few things going for them. It’s a home game and you have to account for Richard Brehaut…hahahaha. I can’t do it. Just read that sentence again and tell me you can take that seriously.

Straight Up: Arizona
ATS: Arizona -9

Straight Up: Oregon State
ATS: Oregon State -3

And this guy spontaneously combusts in the middle of a Dennis Erickson rant (though I warn you, if you don’t like the swears, choose a different link).

Straight Up: Washington State
ATS: Washington State +21

Jake Locker will throw for five touchdowns, three interceptions and complete 51% of his passes which will all be just enough to lose by 3.

Straight Up: Stanford
ATS: Washington +7

Don’t make no daggone sense to worry now, does it?

So what’s the problem? Relax, have a drink and…and… I AM COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT!

Straight Up: Oregon
ATS: Oregon -6.5

*Who is Nicky Ducks? If you’d read last week’s SearchBag, you’d know.

Just give it time. She'll come around.

1. Oregon Ducks. Chip says pressure is something you feel when you don’t prepare. Coach, I’m reading the hell out of the internet for this USC game and I’m still feeling the pressure. What else can I do?!?

2. Stanford Cardinal. The Cardinal are the latest team to feel the almost-wrath of Washington State. A big game with Arizona looms in two weeks.

In other news, Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck should do great with the San Francisco 49ers next year.

3. Arizona Wildcats. Saturday night was a treat to viewers. Coach Mike Stoops and brother Bob simultaneously on my TV? Yes! Bob had plenty to scream about. Mike’s team, on the other hand, played Washington.

4. USC Trojans. USC made use of a bye week by mimicking the time and way Oregon practices. I like the move and for that alone, keep them ranked fourth. Well, that and no one else deserves it.

5. Oregon State Beavers. It’s no time to panic. The next three are all games they should win. As usual, it’s best to reserve judgment for a later date.

6. Cal Bears. Seriously?!? Come on, Cal. Home and away should not mean 60+ point swings. How can you hold a scoring advantage of 189-34 at home but a deficit of 110-54 on the road? It’s senseless. I don’t know why I’m so worked up about it. Perhaps I just don’t like having to feel nervous about Oregon playing at Cal.

7. Washington Huskies. Er, uh, eek! With Stanford and Oregon left, the schedule virtually guarantees six losses. Can they sweep the final three winnable games to end the losing season streak? Not looking good.

8. Arizona State Sun Devils. Mike Bellotti is starting to circle around the wounded animal that is Dennis Erickson. This conference is full of wild changes from week-to-week so I’m not calling it yet, but have the Sun Devils given up? We’ll see.

9. UCLA Bruins. Whoa, Bellotti’s everywhere. He’s circling Rick Neuheisel, too. It’s really just a matter of time with both embattled coaches. Just depends on which one Bellotti finds tastier.

10. Washington State Cougars. I’m pretty much rooting for these guys every week now. How can you not? They’re playing hard and not getting blown out by anybody. They have played Oregon, Stanford, USC and Arizona. Outside of USC, there hasn’t been a bad performance in those games. With the bottom half of the conference left, there’s a win left on the schedule. I just know it.

Image courtesy of http://www.marktoon.co.uk/people.htm (with an obvious personal alteration).

Revenge is a necessary and perfectly natural thing.

1. Oregon Ducks. So everyone’s a Stanford fan now, huh? Put Stanford number one. Stanford’s got Jim Harbaugh and Stanford plays a man’s game. Stanford is the best team in the Pac-10. Yeah? Prove it.

2. Stanford Cardinal. Handles an FCS team. Clobbers UCLA. Smacks down Wake Forest. Stifles Notre Dame. Okay, decent job so far. Prove you can win AT Oregon. Prove it, Harbaugh.

3. Arizona Wildcats. When you subtract penalty yardage, a total of 306 yards were gained between Cal and Arizona. And in case you thought maybe there was some kicking game excitement in place of offense, there were a total of three returns on 11 punts. And three missed field goals. Anybody able to burn a DVD and send it to me? Would love to not watch that.

4. USC Trojans. For the first time all year, USC got a rankings boost after a win. Lane Kiffin almost smiled, but thought better of it and immediately declared, “Everything sucks.”

5. UCLA Bruins. Let’s play a little game called “Here’s a Fact, Now You Tell Me What You Think Happened.” I know, it’s pretty catchy.

Fact: Kevin Prince was 5-8 passing for 27 yards on the road at Texas

Your Answer: “Uh, well, Texas probably creamed ‘em, right?”

One would think, but no, that is false. The answer we were looking for is: “UCLA steamrolled No.  7 Texas in spite of whatever that is the Bruins are calling a passing game.”

6. Arizona State Sun Devils. Yep, that’s a Dennis Erickson team alright. Fast, talented and mostly insane. I could be talking just about you Vontaze Burfict, but I’m sure you’re not the only one.

7. Oregon State Beavers. Beavs, we need to have a talk. It hurts to hear, but has to be said. You gotta’ start winning some September games. I know, I know, you have to play tough teams and usually on the road because they won’t give the return game. I get that, I do. But eventually, you just gotta’ win a couple and stop making excuses.

8. Cal Bears. Tell me if this is true or not. I heard Cal was pumped after losing to Arizona because the team could continue to keep expectations low and hold out hope for a chance to win the next game.

9. Washington Huskies. It was a bye week in Montlake as Steve Sarkisian prepares for USC. Coach isn’t taking the game lightly as he knows one win will positively swing his emotional fan base back from its last known position next to the edge of a very high cliff.

10. Washington State Cougars. Back in the cellar with you, Cougs. I gave you one week of symbolic freedom, but this is where you belong. It’s okay, some people prefer the comforts of repetition. Not everyone is cut out for the wild swings of day to day life. Embrace your role and do it with pride.

Image courtesy of http://www.marktoon.co.uk/people.htm (with an obvious personal alteration).

That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout Pac-10! A 7-0 weekend in non-conference games and five ranked teams. This conference is for real… until next Saturday anyway.

Couldn't have done it better myself, coach!

1. Oregon Ducks. Chip Kelly coaches football like he’s playing the PS3. Takes three seconds to call a play, uses time outs to get the ball back even if it only gives him 10 seconds and just never stops scoring points. Oh, and he’s doing it on the Varsity setting making everyone look silly.

2. Arizona Wildcats. If Pac-10 teams were a stock, I’d like to buy Arizona. It’s just two wins over patsy teams, but I got a feeling about this Stoops bunch.

3. Stanford Cardinal. There’s nothing really separating Arizona and Stanford right now. This is just a subjective placement that means absolutely nothing. But the rest of these rankings? Meaningful and spot on.

4. Oregon State Beavers. It’s kind of generous putting an 0-1 team here but if the AP voters can reinsert OSU into the top 25, then surely there is room at #4 in my prestigious weekly power rankings. Besides, it makes a lot more sense than anything Jon Wilner did on his AP ballot. No, I’m not linking to that garbage.

5. Cal Bears. Settle down. We’ve been through this before. I don’t know when and I don’t know to who, but you’re going to trip somewhere, Cal. Or did I just describe Oregon?

6. USC Trojans. Lane Kiffin is right on schedule with making the team he coaches worse than it was before he got there. Should be in line for a promotion soon.

7. Washington Huskies. Jake Locker’s Heisman campaign is back on track and the blog’s streak for consecutive posts mentioning the QB is intact at 3,548 straight.

8. Arizona State Sun Devils. Dennis Erickson was apparently irate at the performance of his team against Northern Arizona. I don’t get the big deal. The Sun Devils are 2-0 in the Big Sky and poised to win the conference in their first year of play. And yeah, that joke will continue to get made until I’m bored with it.

9. UCLA Bruins. Mike Bellotti could have his choice of UCLA, Arizona State and Washington State by season’s end. Just sayin’…

10. Washington State. Every week, I copy and paste last week’s rankings in a new post and then change the teams around. Number 10 never changes. Well, except for the weeks I have to delete “State.”

Image courtesy of http://www.marktoon.co.uk/people.htm (with an obvious personal alteration).

He’s the guru. Now on to the 2010 Coaches’ Awards.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “Tell Your Men They Work For Me Now. This is My City.”

And the winner is: No, not The Joker. New Pac-10 Commissioner Larry Scott. Like a man possessed, he is quickly remaking the Pac-10 into the brand he foresees.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Most Jokes About Me are Played Out Because I’m So Old Now. What Else Can You Really Say?”

And the winner is: Erickson’s entire Arizona State Sun Devils team. We’ve been saying the same thing about these guys for a long time now. Sleeping giant. Perfect weather, party school, what more can a kid with talent want in a college? It’s just a matter of time and ASU will dominate. And so it goes. 9th place ASU. That’s where you’re headed this year. Again.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “No Matter What, I’ll Always Look Good Because I’m Not Lane Kiffin”

And the winner is: Cal’s 2011 quarterback. Joe Ayoob to Nate Longshore to Kevin Riley? What happened to Tedford’s magical touch?

The Chip Kelly award for “Is There Anyone On This Team That didn’t Get In Trouble This Year? Seriously, One Guy is All I Need.”

And the winner is: Brandon Bair, Oregon defensive tackle. Nice move by the Ducks sending a Mormon to Pac-10 media day. Can’t go wrong there.

The Jim Harbaugh award for “What’s Your Deal?“

And the winner is: Coaches’ poll voters. Ok, we get that USC is ineligible, but still, just two teams in the top 25? Here’s hoping the AP can do a little better.

The Mike Stoops award for “Is it Me or Am I Less Crazy Than I Used to Be? It’s Just Me, Isn’t It?”

And the winner is: Vontaze Burfict, ASU linebacker. He plays crazy. He acts crazy. And he won’t think twice about destroying you.

The Lane Kiffin award for “If I Fail at Just One More Job, I May Get Promoted to President of The Whole Damn World”

And the winner is: Jake Locker, UW quarterback. Results and stats matter little to NFL teams that just can’t wait to reach high and overpay a quarterback that has accomplished….what?

The Pete Carroll award for “No, We Did Nothing Wrong. Everything Was by The Book. We Were Just the Victims of Circumstance. Now, Excuse Me, I Have a Practice to Attend to With My New Team”

And the winner is: Jeremiah Masoli, former UO quarterback. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Three times.

OTP Infractions Committee

Whoa, timeout people. The OTP Infractions Committee has just discovered a major USC violation. Use of an ineligible coach for an award! All past awards are to be vacated and they’re now banned from receiving any awards for two years (pending appeal, of course). Now let’s get back to it with the teams that don’t cheat.

The Mike Riley award for “2+2=4, The Sky is Blue, Water is Wet and September Will Be a Bad Month”

And the winner is: UCLA, a team that could get demoralized in September with away games at Kansas State and Texas sandwiching two home games against Stanford and Houston.

The Paul Wulff award for “Can I Please Leave? It’s Not Me, It’s the Job”

And the winner is: USC players Jordan Campbell, Malik Jackson, Byron Moore, DJ Shoemate, Seantrel Henderson, Jarvis Jones, and Travon Patterson. All have left USC. Other than Henderson, no one will be greatly missed.

The Jeff Tedford award for “Andy Ludwig is My Offensive Coordinator. This is Not a Good Thing”

And the winner is: In a retroactively awarded landslide, former Oregon coach Mike Bellotti and Utah coach Kyle Wittingham take home the hardware.

But really, the argument for “Biggest Civil War Ever” really comes down to one of two years: 2000 or 2009?

You can make an argument for either year. I had been thinking 2009 without question. Now that I look back at it, it’s a lot closer than I thought but two things ultimately make this the bigger game: (1) The winner goes to the Rose Bowl and (2) Media attention is infinitely more intense now.

In arguing for the the 2000 game, you could say both teams were more nationally prominent. The records were much better and Oregon was aiming at becoming one of a select few teams to ever go undefeated in Pac-10 play.

Either way, you can’t go wrong.

	Tale of The Civil War Tape
Category	2000		2009
UO/OSU Ranking *	5 & 8		8 & 16
Winner Eligible For Rose Bowl ¥	Both		Both
Combined Record Prior to Game	18-2		17-5
Combined Win Percentage	90%		77.2%
Worst Case Scenario for Losing Team	Holiday Bowl		Las Vegas Bowl
TV Broadcast	ABC Regional ??		ESPN HD National
Venue	Original Reser		Remodeled Autzen
Coaches ±	Erickson/Bellotti		Riley/Kelly
Star Players †	Chad Johnson/Joey Harrington		Jacquizz Rodgers/Jeremiah Masoli
Roses Being Waved From Our Car in Corvallis En Route To Game	A Bushel		None
Soul Crushing Defeats	1		No Freaking Way

* Using AP Rankings.
¥ Oregon State would have gone to the Rose Bowl had Washington lost later that day so technically, the Beavers had a shot going into the game.
± None of the four coaches had/has the cache that Dennis Erickson carried with him off of his Miami Hurricane fame and NFL experience.
† I think the 2009 game has more star power, if only because the media is more intense now. Chad Johnson wasn’t even close to a household name yet and Joey Harrington was a year away from a Times Square billboard.

The Dennis Erickson Award for “What, I’m Still in the Same Place? Why?”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. It’s shocking that he came back. Everyone assumed he would enter the NFL draft as a surefire first round pick. Instead, he’s at USC for his senior year and figures to anchor a raw, but talented USC defense.

The Chip Kelly Award for “I’m Destined For Greatness, So Why is Everyone a Little Unsure?”
…And the winner is: Whichever quarterback starts for USC in its opening game. Two Trojan quarterbacks have won Heisman Trophies under Pete Carroll and every time they break in someone new, the doubters quickly subside. Still, until Aaron Corp or Matt Barkley prove it, it’s all guesswork.

The Pete Carroll Award for “How Many Times Do I Have to Say It? This is Where I Want To Be”
…And the winner is: Markus Wheaton, OSU WR. Yep, Wheaton is a Beaver. Duck fans probably still can’t believe the cousin of Kenny Wheaton would do such a thing. We’re still waiting to hear it was a joke. The Ducks now just have to hope Oregon State doesn’t get a program-defining moment from Kenny’s cousin.

The Steve Sarkisian Award for “We’re Going to Be Awesome Because I Said So”
…And the winner is: The Arizona Wildcats. Anyone else feel like Mike Stoops’ bunch has been the next coming of greatness in the conference for the last five years? All they have is a 6-6 regular season and a Las Vegas Bowl trophy to show for it. Sure, the honor could have been given to Washington, but it was ineligible to win its coach’s own award.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Hi, We’re Still Up Here. Hey, over here! Watch for us, We’re Going to Be Better. Ah, Screw It, We’re Terrible.”
…And the Winner Is: Kevin Prince, UCLA QB. Okay, that’s not fair to the redshirt freshman Prince and “terrible” is too strong of a word, but the point is that even though UCLA is moving on from a disastrous year at the quarterback position, they undoubtedly have more growing pains ahead.

The Mike Stoops Award for “I’m a Star. No, Really, Ignore the Mediocrity Because I’m a Star!”
…And the Winner Is: Jake Locker. Sorry, Saint Locker of the Seattleites. It’s not that I want to give you this award, it’s just that you’ve never done anything to justify all the hype your fans are heaping on you. Feel free to prove us wrong.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “We’re Coming For You No Matter How Ridiculous That Sounds”
…And the Winner Is: The Stanford Cardinal. Believe it or not, Stanford might be good this year. It’s even possible they creep into the top four teams in the conference. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Cardinal make a leap to a bowl game for this first time since 2001.

The Mike Riley Award for “What Else Do We Have to Do to Prove We’re Good?”
…And the Winner Is: The whole gosh-darned (tribute to Riley-speak) Pac-10. A 5-0 bowl record in 2008 and stellar records this decade against fellow BCS teams just isn’t enough. Distribution of your product to the masses matters and the Pac-10 is lacking a national audience. Just keep on winning, I guess.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “How Did We Go From Underdog to Overrated?”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremiah Masoli. As a fan of the Duck’s quarterback, it hurts to put him here, but it’s a natural fit. Masoli still has a lot to prove as his hype is riding on the back of a three game stretch to end 2008. He’ll need to put together a full season of strong play.

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “We’re Borderline Geniuses and Oh, Yeah, We Can Play Too”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Nixon, ASU LB. Let’s see, Nixon carries a 4.05 GPA in Political Science and was an Honorable Mention All-Conference player in 2008. And this year, he’s tabbed as a preseason first team player by many. Yeah, he kind of owns this category.

View past Coach’s Awards: 2008

The Dennis Erickson Award for “It’s Been Fun, But it’s Time to Move On”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. An overwhelming consensus first-round pick by every useless mock draft the internet has to offer, the junior is a season away from becoming an early entrant to the 2009 NFL Draft.

The Mike Bellotti Award for “If the Game Was Only 61 Minutes Long, I Would Have Won”
…And the winner is: Kevin Riley, Cal Quarterback. Some advice for you this year, Kevin: spike the ball, call a timeout, or run out of bounds.

The Pete Carroll Award for “I Don’t Care If You’re Good, I Just Don’t Like You”
…And the winner is: Rudy Carpenter, Arizona State Quarterback. I don’t feel like I should have to explain this. Actually, I’m not even sure if I can. I just don’t like him.

The Tyrone Willingham Award for “I Looked A Lot Better When I First Got Onto Campus”
…And the winner is: Ben Olson, UCLA Quarterback. He’s injured. Again. As a former “5-Star Recruit,” big things were expected and yet, it never happened.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Player You’ve Never Heard of and Probably Never Will”
…And the Winner Is: Jeff Bowen, Washington State Offensive Lineman. The criteria here was to find a guy on the consensus 10th place team that is a senior and listed 4th on the depth chart at his position. Hopefully, Jeff Bowen Googles his name someday and finds out about this prestigious award. Also, given that he is 100 lbs heavier than me at the same height, I would appreciate it if he has a sense of humor.

The Mike Stoops Award for “Biggest Douchebag”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Stoops, Arizona Head Coach. Congratulations, you just won your own award. I’d say the voting is rigged, but I think we can all agree, you earned it coach.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “Player Most Likely to Get Penalized”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremy Perry, Oregon State Guard. He wins for two reasons: (1) He’s an offensive lineman and those guys hold on every play and (2) He’s quoted on ESPN.com saying, “I’m nasty, even if the whistle blows, I guarantee I’ll get the last shove.”

The Mike Riley Award for “The First Month Doesn’t Really Matter Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Tie between Jake Locker (UW Quarterback) and Mark Sanchez (USC Quarterback). Both players have suffered injuries that could cause early season issues for their respective teams if they don’t come back healthy.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “Yeah, He Was Great When I Coached Him, But What About Now?”
…And the Winner Is: No, not Joey Harrington, Trent Dilfer, Kyle Boller, Akili Smith, AJ Feeley or Aaron Rodgers. The winner is Mitch Mustain, USC Quarterback. The hype is there for the heralded transfer from Arkansas. Will he deliver, especially if Mark Sanchez can’t go?

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Said That, But I’ll Go Ahead and Back It Up Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Carson Palmer, former USC and current Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback. All’s quiet among current players so far in 2008 so we turn to Palmer’s ill-advised diatribe against Ohio State. Sure, he’s right and his alma mater will back him up, but that doesn’t endear you to your current Ohio fan base.

1. USC
What can I say, I like to live dangerously. If anyone picks any other team here, they should apply for a job on ESPN. I’m not saying the network employs an overwhelming number of people who say stuff they don’t mean for attention, it’s just…no, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Just pick USC and get on with it.

2. Oregon
“Hey, homer! Nice pick!” Thank you, whoever just said that. I do think it’s a nice pick. Look, tell me which team in the Pac-10 you feel absolutely, positively comfortable declaring is the second best team behind USC. Arizona State? Cal? Oregon State? Given this uncertainty I feel, I’m going with the homer pick. The secondary has three sure-fire NFL guys starting and the offense is a quarterback away from being dominant again. They have five guys to choose from, so whoever becomes the starter has to be great. I mean, that’s how the lottery works – you buy five tickets instead of one and your chances of winning are 500% better. It’s just math, people.

3. Arizona State
I’m just not sold on ASU as a great team. Everyone got all excited over their 8-0 start last year, but only one of those 8 teams finished with a winning record in their respective conference. And that one team – Oregon State – is notoriously bad in September. Eventually, they lost easily to Oregon, USC and Texas. Maybe year two of the Dennis Erickson experiment, otherwise known as the “time to look for a new job phase,” will see them elevate to another level but I don’t think so.

4. Oregon State
Yeah, I said it. Oregon State. I was going to do this whole hate rivalry thing and put them last, but then I realized they’re not actually that hated. Hey, don’t blame me. Ted Miller wrote it. Or should I say, didn’t write it. Do I actually believe Oregon State is the fourth best team in the conference? No, not really, but they have been consistently finishing in the top half of the conference lately, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to have to listen to my dad bitch about getting no respect.

5. Cal
I’m giving the Bears the benefit of the doubt here, simply because they’ve earned it under Jeff Tedford. Last year is an anomaly in his tenure and you have to imagine they will bounce back. Plus, when previewing the Oregon-Cal game last year, I learned that Jack Bauer got his degree at Berkeley. There’s no way you bet against Jack Bauer, especially when he hasn’t saved the world in two years.

6. UCLA
Yep, it’s Slick Rick, Norm Chow and Dwayne Washington, the three greatest coaches that ever lived, the saviors of Westwood, the end of the USC dynasty. Yep, it’s all of that. I need to stop listening to LA radio.

7. Arizona
Not going to do it – not this year. Picking Arizona to have a good season is like waiting for Kevin Costner to make another good movie. Whoops, I’m not supposed to say that about Oregon’s newest baseball fan. Seriously, if your leader is capable of getting a 15 yard penalty that proved costly in a two point loss to New Mexico, you might have a volatile, irritable, whiny, obnoxious, annoying, pouting, crying Stoops brother for a head coach.

8. Stanford
Three wins last year was the first real miracle we’ve seen since baby Jesus. That stunt they pulled at USC was unspeakable. I still don’t know much about them, can’t name a player other than Tavita Pritchard, and still have never met a Stanford football fan, but dammit, they are better than anything in the state of Washington.

9. Washington
I continue to be saddened by the demise of this program. I may be the only Duck fan to say that, but football was just more fun when they mattered. Saint Locker of the Seattleites is going to try his hardest to lead them back, but unfortunately, he still doesn’t know how to throw a football – truly unfortunate when he’s your quarterback.

10. Washington State
Alphabetically and for lack of talent, the Cougars come in last. There is literally nothing to be excited about with this team and I’m as sure that they will finish last as I am that you have no idea who Paul Wulff is.

Note: The FOTB makes her debut with picks sometime this week.