Whoa, this SearchBag is so ginormous, I had to use a made-up word to describe it. I left out as much as I put in. Don’t you go skimming the words just because it’s longer, ya’ hear? SearchBag demands your full attention!

• chip kelly wedding pictures, chip kelly wedding photo, chip kelly wedding (Google Searches in Eugene, OR, Los Angeles, CA and Portland OR)

What’s with all the wedding searches? Did I miss something? What is Chip doing during the improvement week? Did he leave town and get hitched?

• chip kelly in seattle (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

For a wedding? That’s ridiculous. No one gets married in Seattle*. They go to Reno or Las Vegas. Seattle? There had to be some other purpose.

*Yes, brother that is getting married in Seattle, that line was for you.

• will chip kelly go pro (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

WHA WHA WHAT? Is that what he went to Seattle for? We are in the middle of winning a national title here, dammit! I don’t have time for this.

• what time should you arrive autzen (Google Search in Waukesha, WI)

Oh what? #shotsfired

You can’t be too early. I once showed up at 2 am for College GameDay in 2000. We were the first ones there, standing in the darkness. Yeah, you heard right Green Boy. We beat you there. Oh, don’t think we didn’t see you on the news claiming you were first. Lies! Just ask Vicki who had to be woken up to come perform security. Oh, the truth hurts!

And while I’m on the subject of fans with personas, wearing a barrel doesn’t mean you get to show up late and plow your way to the front. Egregious!

*Ah, 10 years of pent up anger pours its way onto the blog. Now, I can live.

• reason for the forward pass (Bing Search in Springfield, MO)

Uh, did you not watch last night’s Washington vs. UCLA game? The Huskies passed for 68 yards and the only reason that wasn’t pathetic is because the Bruins totaled 55 yards. They invented the forward pass so we wouldn’t be subjected to that ever again. The system failed us miserably yesterday.

• six facts about teams (Google Search in Los Angeles, CA)

(1) They are great.
(2) They are terrible.
(3) They cheat.
(4) They have a cheater.
(5) They cheated.
(6) They are overrated.

Totally expecting rational responses if any of those team’s fans ever find this blog.

• “otp community” meaning (Google Search in Washington, DC)

DC? Oh crap, I caught the attention of the politicians. What did I do? Listen, the OTP Community thing is just a work in progress, a development sandbox if you will. I’m sorry it’s not very good yet. There’s not gonna’ be a congressional hearing, is there? Is it really a crime that I’m trying to have people hang out and participate? Just tell the government to back off.

• what color to wear to future oregon ducks games? (Google Search in Grants Pass, OR)

Apparently, THE MAN says you have to alternate colors this time. Yellow, then black, then yellow, then black.

NO, NO, NO, NO. You stand up good sir and tell them no.

This color scheming stuff is utter nonsense. It’s unOregon and I won’t have it.

• what’s wrong with the oregon ducks after the bears game (Bing Search in Longview, WA)

OMG EVERYTHING! The coaching, the offensive line, the defense, the quarterback, the running game, the training staff, the practices. Yeah, man, it’s everything. I’d start watching basketball if I was you.

• oregon basketball court ttatt (Google Search in Willmar, MN)

That search is all the proof I need to request a redo on the Matthew Knight logo. It’s thoughtful, it’s meaningful but it just doesn’t work.

• unrequited google searches (Google Search in Flourtown, PA)

If I understand right, you want Google to search me back, but it doesn’t know? This is fascinating. What would a billion dollar empire search for on a niche college football blog? Hold on, I need to eat these mushrooms I just picked before going any further.

Whoa, dude. Trippy.

Google totally just searched me. It wrote “we are stanford fans you suck.”

My alogorithm just returned:
You searched for we are stanford fans you suck
Did you mean oregon beat stanford’s ass 52-31

*SearchBag totally just resulted in trash talking to Stanford. Only here.

• duck football analysis (Google Search in Reno, NV)

LOL! No, really, that’s a real LOL and not an overuse of a lame acronym. You actually found this blog with that search term? Wow. Here, I’ll treat you. Don’t get too excited, this is a special occasion.

The Oregon offense struggled against Cal, but don’t sweat it. Plays were there to be made but execution was lacking. And if you’re worried about some kind of blueprint, don’t be. If anything, Chip has some tape to look at to prepare a counter for future opponents that employ a similar strategy.

Whew, what happened? I blacked out.

Readers: “Wait, you call that analysis? Wow, hope you didn’t drown yourself skimming along the surface. You should really charge for that. No, really, go ahead and offer a subscription service. We’d love to pay for that.”

• head hurting ever week (Google Search in Fulton, MS)

Well, Mississippi, Jeremiah Masoli isn’t our problem anymore. Try some Tylenol or just gut it out for a couple more games.

• Stanford fansites (Bing Search in Anaheim, CA)

The fact you ended up on this site tells me the pickings were slim.

*Picking on Stanford again? Harsh.

• please let the oregon ducks play at san diego state (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

Oh, I’m on to you Eugene. I know who you are. You know who you are. I’m all for the idea, but just so you know, I know.

• i dont know there is a cam there!! (Google Search in Sana)

Forgive our foreign searcher’s broken English. He refers to the hilarious new SEC-produced comedy called I Didn’t Know There Was a Cam There!! Compliance officials have placed hidden cameras all over the south and then spring the surprise on unsuspecting rules violators.

Tune in next week for the Auburn edition of I Didn’t Know There Was a Cam There!!

• chip kelly all access (Google Search in Jackson, MS)

Does he genuinely answer a question for somebody? I’ll need video proof or it didn’t happen.

• jeff maehl fake injuries (Google Search in San Leandro, CA)

Where do you people come up with some of these searches? You know what, I’ll let it pass because that’s an improvement over the last Jeff Maehl search. You know, the nude one.

• don james, jim lambright and rick neuheisel (Google Search in Salem, OR)

I know Huskies. It’s really been that long and it’s not getting any better. But you saw for yourself what Neuheisel’s up to. You don’t really want that back, do you?

• thechickenandtheegg.net (Google Search in Everett, WA)

You’re in luck! GoDaddy says it’s available. But forget .com. I personally know the pain of someone else owning the domain you really want and doing absolutely nothing with it and never responding to your inquiries about its availability and being stuck with crappy .net and …and…I want .com dammit!*

*Oh great, the price just went up. Should have kept that to myself for bargaining power.

• good facts about oregon (Google Search in Berlin, CT)

If you want to use the word “good,” search for facts about Stanford. You want Oregon facts, try “great” or “amazing.”

*Three slams on Stanford in one post?!? Consider this decade’s quota met.

• runitback games (Google Search in Passaic, NJ)

Those are all different types of games Oregon’s opponents play to try and stop a Cliff Harris punt return. Fun, but kinda’ futile.

• cliff harris by exile (Google Search in Beaverton, OR)

Yes, that’s one of the runitback games they play. Exile is one of the more complicated methods of stopping him. It never works.

• “is off the pond faking injuries?”, “is off the pond married”, “off the pond is a jerk”, “how awesome is off the pond wife”, “who is offthepond” (Google Search in San Jose, CA)
  

Uh, did some people I hung out with last weekend for the Cal game get a little carried away trying to game the SearchBag? Yes.

After that marathon of searches, the blog is just plain tired. You can follow Off The Pond on Twitter, but it might be napping. See you next week for a Black Friday game day edition of SearchBag. Until then, Happy Turkey Day!

I’m so proud of the searches this week. I called you* out a week ago and you* just flat delivered a monster SearchBag.

* “You” of course being something I’ve made up in my head to convince myself people are actively trying to contribute to this feature.

• mike bellotti bias beavers (Google Search in Portland, OR)

Tough draw on the announcers last Saturday. Bellotti (Duck) and Huard (Husky) isn’t exactly Steve Preece is it? But I’m sure it’s just a bad case of unrequited love. Bellotti adores you. Someday, your heart will let you know.

• im the cheese on top of the nachos (Google Search in Portland, OR)

No you’re not. That’s Cliff Harris and there can only be one “Kash.” Seriously, only one. No one else spells it with a ‘k’. That’s just retarded.

• where do you sit if your a visitor at autzen stadium (Google Search in Richland, WA)

Section 9, the lower the better. You’re from Richland? Load up on Husky* gear and wear it proud. Try and bring an attitude, too. Helps if you’ve been drinking.

Remember that, it’s section 9.

*As a commenter pointed out, I’ve lost all sense of my NW direction. Someone please find me a Husky fan in the greater Richland area so this makes sense.

• what is “bad about stanford” (Google Search in Claremont, CA)

Who ever had anything bad to say about Stanford? Maybe California Golden Blogs, but that’s not exactly a neutral party. Frankly, I got nothing. Where else can you get wine and cheese at a tailgate? I guess I just accidentally fell into something bad about Stanford. Try some red meat, guys.

• don james vs mike bellotti (Google Search in Tacoma, WA)

Technically, the two never faced each other as head coaches. James was 4-0 against Oregon while Bellotti served as offensive coordinator.

That’s it. That’s all I have on the subject. See, SearchBag can straight up inform your ass. Completely and totally versatile.

• nick ducks design website (Google Search in North Andover, MA)

Nick Ducks is the name I use to make hotel reservations. Starting now. Aside from that…IT’S A SHAMELESS PROMOTIONAL OPPORTUNITY!

Nick Ducks will design your website. You just have to contact him. http://www.nimaha.com.

You, Google searcher in North Andover, are a blog favorite. Admittedly, business has been slow for me in NE Massachusetts.

• bars with 3d tv in portland, or (Google Search in McNeil, TX)

I wish I could tell you. I Googled and Googled and Googled…came up with nothing. Does anyone even own a 3-D TV? 60-13 looked pretty good in HD, though.

• boise state football+screwed (Google Search in Cary, NC)

Totally. But don’t tell them that. Trust me, you don’t want the drama.

• refs getting in the ay (Google Search in Seattle, WA)

Oh hot damn
This is my jam
Keep me partyin til the AM
Ya’ll don’t understand
Make me throw my hands in the ayer, a-ayer, ayer, a-ayer

Or did you mean way? Guess I’m just feelin’ a little Flo Rida’ right now.

• trojan ponds oregon (Google Search in Portland, OR)

I was all ready to go off on this Oregonian Trojan lover with poor typing skills. Then I found out there’s a Trojan Pond along the Columbia River. See, you learn things here.

• lamichael james addicted to (Google Search in Spokane, WA)

Hey, it's his addiction. Lay off.

I checked with the student health center, got around a few HIPAA laws and can present the following LaMichael James addictions:

1. 100 yard running games
2. Pirouettes
3. Girls named LaWanda, LaTisha, LaGretchen and Agnus (I know, that last one blew my mind, too)
4. Touchdowns
5. Fumbles. Except no one knew ’cause he quit that shit cold turkey (WSU relapse notwithstanding)
6. Garden walks. Even the great ones appreciate dahlias in the fall

• response to arbiter sports editor (Google Search in Los Angeles, CA)

Well, I tried that. If there was one lesson learned, it’s that the Juan de Fuca Plate is only the second biggest threat to the Pacific Northwest’s well-being. An Oregon-Boise State title game would be far more destructive.

• picture of rick neuhisel “wearing an oregon hat” (Google Search in Clackamas, OR)

Ah hell, it’s a friendly relationship now, anyway. Here ya’ go.

• chip kelly origins (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

Fantastic search. So good in fact that it couldn’t be properly answered in this space. You have to click here for the full story.

Um, well, if your mascot is some sort of devilfairyhuman, this link has just the 3 foot stencil you’ve been looking for. Frankly, I think you could do better.

myoffenseisbetterthanyours@gmail.com

FOTB Prediction: Black helmet, white jersey, black pants, black shoes. You can simulate this combination here. And it should be noted, Miss FOTB nailed it without  knowing the combo had already been reported.

The game without a name is back. Don’t believe me?

You must not have have heard, Washington is 3-4.

It’s time to rally the heroes of yesteryear. Someone call Steve Emtman. Send Don James a text. Twitter Napoleon Kaufman and Facebook Billy Joe Hobert. The legends of Montlake must know…the Huskies are back!

Scoff at 3-4 all you want, this is the new era of purple reign where moral victories get equal billing to bowl game triumphs. They almost beat LSU!

Epic home wins make a season. They beat USC!

Three wins indicates a resurgence. They can beat Oregon!

There’s only one problem with this comeback tour. On Saturday, one team is significantly better than the other and it ain’t the ones wearing the emasculating color.

We’re being told it’s a rivalry game in which anything can happen and that’s true. It’s been said that Washington is a much different team at home. Also factual. Some have noted this version of Husky football plays hard and always has a chance to win. It’s no lie.

FOTB's on fire. Two in a row.

The only problem I’m ultimately having with embracing this inevitable upset is the simple, tiny, irrelevant fact that Oregon’s football team is a lot better than Washington’s.

Watch the first half of the season and call me a liar. The Huskies are at the bottom of the conference in most offensive and defensive categories. They don’t defend the run well and Oregon just so happens to be really good at that. There’s no better crowd killer than a dominant running game.

The Huskies are fairly one dimensional on offense and against a good defense like Oregon’s, that’s not going to get it done. The Ducks have made a killing in games where they shut down the opposing running game and teed off on the quarterback.

Don’t get me wrong, here. This is going to be a close game. If LSU, USC and Arizona struggled at Husky Stadium, there’s no reason to suspect the Ducks will have it easy. Jake Locker has become a legitimate threat and if there’s a quarterback that can survive an anemic running game, he’s it. You also can’t discredit the desire the Huskies play with. Any team that competes as hard as they do is going to have a chance to win.

But none of it’s enough, not when the Ducks are this much better. On Saturday, a rivalry will be reborn, but Oregon’s dominance will continue.

1. USC (2-1)
Les Miles, LSU head coach (Coaches):

“What choice do I have? The Trojans never have to play tough teams in conference play. They sure as hell wouldn’t ever lose to one of those Pac-10 patsies so, duh, I put them first.”

2. Cal (3-1)
Oklahoma Sooners coach Bob Stoops (Coaches):

“Are you serious? Trust me when I say that just because Oregon wins a game, it doesn’t mean they really won, ok? I’m operating under the assumption Cal won and am voting them here.”

3. Oregon (3-1)
Eugene Register-Guard columnist George Schroeder (Harris):

“I was a columnist in Oklahoma back when the Sooners visited Autzen Stadium and I have to admit, Bob has a point. Still, at least I voted with sanity.” That you did, George.

4. Washington (2-1)
Pete Dawkins, Heisman Trophy winner at Army in 1958 – that’s right, Army in 1958 (Harris):

“Did I see that Stanford beat Washington? Well, yes I did, but Don James is an incredible coach and the Huskies seem to always end up in a Rose or Orange Bowl so I still think they’re better.”

5. Stanford (2-1)
Harvey Schiller, CEO GlobalOptions Group and President of the International Baseball Federation (Harris):

If I may cut in for a moment, can you tell us what the hell you’re doing voting in a college football poll?

“Well, I was SEC Commissioner about 20 years ago.”

Yeah?

“That’s all.”

Wow, ok then, uh, what’s up with Stanford?

“Well, as someone who has very little to do with college football, I relate to Stanford fans, you know? I mean, I have no idea what they’ve done so far and couldn’t tell you if they won or lost, so I think I really get what that program is all about.”

6. Oregon State (2-1)
Former Oregon State player Steve Preece (Harris):

“The thing is, as a color commentator for Beaver broadcasts, I’m completely impartial. We always improve as the season goes on. We’re still really good. We’ll bounce back. We probably would beat Arizona a month from now. We should be higher than them. We are great. We.”

7. Arizona (2-1)
Charlie Weiss, Notre Dame head coach (Coaches):

“Of course I saw the game damn game – excuse me, darn.”

But coach, you had a game at the same time.

“So what? I popped the tape in when I got home, sat down with a bucket of KFC and a side of cheesecake and watched the whole thing. Oregon State is better. Plain and simple. Do you have any popcorn?”

8. Arizona State (2-1)
John Toner, former Connecticut athletic director (Harris):

“As best I can tell, I haven’t had anything to do with college athletics since 1987. That’s about the last time Arizona State played a Pac-10 game so we just didn’t have anything to go on yet when voting on the Sun Devils. Frankly, I don’t even know why I have a vote in this thing.”

9. UCLA (3-0)
DeWayne Walker, New Mexico State head coach (coaches):

“If UCLA thinks Rick Neuheisel is a better choice than me, so be it. I’m not bitter. You tell me UCLA is 3-0 and that’s great, but for all I know they’ll finish 3-9. God knows Rick’s team was terrible last year. Who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

10.Washington State (1-3)
Clarkston Hines, former Duke player (Harris):

“Listen, I played at Duke. I know a bad team when I see one. This was an easy vote that even we couldn’t mess up.”

Full list of voters: Coaches | Harris