• I have found my favorite single sentence leading up to the game. An AOL Fanhouse writer on why Auburn won’t beat Oregon. “God won’t allow it.” That settles it then. Ducks win…unless Buddha controls football outcomes. In that case, we’re back to square one.
• Rob Moseley writes as much as is humanly possible about a practice to which the media was granted 15 minutes of access.
• Oregonian, you only have a few days left to make me your Duck fan of the day. This is my dream. While you  might say I need bigger ambitions, I say just give me the questions and you won’t regret it. You have a penchant for highlighting out of state fans without season tickets, so I don’t understand the hold-up.
• Here’s a Beaver fan that is going all Duck for the BCS championship game. I tried to get my brother and his fiancé to convert, but their response is simply not printable.
• Cats are going to pick the winner of the title game. They are a stellar 2-0 all-time. Yeah, it’s ridiculous, but you have to appreciate the creative marketing done by the Cat Adoption Team.
• If you’re not going to the game, do the next best thing and join a watch party. Mac Court (she ain’t dead yet!) will have the biggest of them all and there are many more throughout the country.
• Looking nationally, I thought Dan Wetzel, who is on a crusade to burn down the NCAA and its bowl partners, had a great column on the Ohio State mess. We got a glimpse at Terrelle Pryor’s character during the recruiting process and other than that whole Rose Bowl fiasco, I’m pretty glad he didn’t commit to Oregon.
• Stanford just pummeled Virginia Tech last night. I’ve got all sorts of tingly Pac-10 feelings right now and can feel an oncoming case of arrogant pride that would make the SEC blush.
• Oh, by the way, Jim Harbaugh is an American college football coach and he is now taking your offer. NFL, college, they’re all lining up to dump truck loads of cash on his doorstep. This article makes it sounds like the NFL is the only siren that can seduce Harbaugh with Stanford being his college of choice.

• Listen, I don’t care how silly it is to vote for a mascot over and over and over again! Get out there and do it. We are not going to lose to this Old Dominion lion thing. It’s un-American. Go forth and vote. You can’t read another link until you do.
• I ain’t the only one with an irreparable family situation this week. Enjoy the game, Paige. Eventually, they stop letting you have the extra ticket.
• Media, fans, administrators and even coaches are outraged by the ruling that Cameron Newton is eligible to play. I don’t see how this opens some huge loophole in the system like everyone says. If any money had exchanged hands, the NCAA would have brought down a hammer. So what if a parent thinks they can solicit their son’s services. They can ask all they want, but if anyone actually pays them, it ain’t getting treated lightly.
• If Phil is happy, we’re all happy. You could really call Oregon football the second business he has successfully turned into a household name. Guessing it’s been a little easier road than constructing an athletic empire.
• Mark Asper, you have a good wife, letting you play in the Civil War whether that baby is coming or not. I also like the way you act like there was every a choice. This is the Civil War which by default takes precedent over all child-bearing activities.
• This article will make you wet yourself with fear because upsets can and do happen! But this one tells us that a team in Oregon’s current situation hasn’t lost since 1976 and only five teams with a losing record have beaten an AP No. 1 team in the last month of the year.
• There’s a good lesson in this blog post. If you’re at a party and people are saying bad things about Chip Kelly, set them straight.
• Lost Lettermen goes back in time and gives us some Civil War anecdotes.
• If you have ESPN Insider, dust up on Oregon’s budding star of a recruiting class. Just think, we’re only a month away from it finally being recruiting season! I always hated watching the games, you know?
• A well-respected author and graduate of Stanford isn’t letting Jim Harbaugh go without some compelling thoughts. When Chip Kelly gets itchy some day in the future, we’ll all wish Ken Kesey was still around to submit his supporting essay to ESPN.
• Oh God! I mention Kelly getting itchy about leaving someday* and John Canzano goes and writes that he’s done all he can at Oregon. It was a really neat piece. Felt really original and pertinent to Civil War week. Either that or it was the same ol’ routine to get people to talk about him. JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO. Was that enough for you? You want to hear your name some more? JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO. Still not enough? The ego on you. Okay. JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO. You can’t be serious? You want me to keep going? JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO JOHN CANZANO. No, stop it. This is my blog and I don’t have to keep doing this. JOHN CANZANO. No more!
• The Pac-10 bowl situation is going to be bad. I probably don’t care that much, but I kind of do. I’d like to be entertained while I wait for the national title game. Come on Pac-10, the king wishes to be entertained!
• You totally need this for your window this holiday season. Traditional Christmas lights, Santa statues, Rudolph…that’s all so old-fashioned. Decorate like a real Duck fan, okay?

*Whoops. JC, did I forget to add the link? My bad.

Matt Barkley as, duh, Brock Lesnar

I know, I know, it's low-hanging fruit, but it gets us started.

Pat Forde as a Boise State Bus Driver

I'd like to think if Pat Forde really were a bus driver, he'd have a sweet arm tattoo.

Cameron Newton as Jeremiah Masoli, Masoli as Newton

In a Halloween primetime special called Figure it Out!, ABC asks Masoli and Newton to dress up as each other, gives them one laptop, an open window and a backpack and says Figure it Out!.

Figure it Out!

Lou Holtz as 1988 Lou Holtz

Lou thinks if he goes as his 1988 self, people will find him less crazy when he says something like, “Notre Dame can beat Navy.”

Is this a picture of Lou in 1988? I don't know. Probably.

Mike Singletary and Alex Smith as Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck

At the request of 49ers fans, coach and quarterback will dress up on Sunday as the more popular Bay Area duo. It’s questionable that people in London will understand.

A 2011 sneak peak.

Les Miles as Mad Hatter

I know it's an easy choice, but some respect for the Photoshop effort, please.

Boise State as…Themselves?

The Broncos are just going to go as themselves. If Halloween likes it, so be it. If not, well, to hell with the holiday.

The number 3 is brought to you by...GLASS CEILINGS AND THE BCS

Tennessee coach Derek Dooley as Erwin Rommel teaching his first love: SHOWER DISCIPLINE!

I'll just say, searching for PG-rated shower pictures is always best done with Google safe search ON

Just give it time. She'll come around.

1. Oregon Ducks. Chip says pressure is something you feel when you don’t prepare. Coach, I’m reading the hell out of the internet for this USC game and I’m still feeling the pressure. What else can I do?!?

2. Stanford Cardinal. The Cardinal are the latest team to feel the almost-wrath of Washington State. A big game with Arizona looms in two weeks.

In other news, Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck should do great with the San Francisco 49ers next year.

3. Arizona Wildcats. Saturday night was a treat to viewers. Coach Mike Stoops and brother Bob simultaneously on my TV? Yes! Bob had plenty to scream about. Mike’s team, on the other hand, played Washington.

4. USC Trojans. USC made use of a bye week by mimicking the time and way Oregon practices. I like the move and for that alone, keep them ranked fourth. Well, that and no one else deserves it.

5. Oregon State Beavers. It’s no time to panic. The next three are all games they should win. As usual, it’s best to reserve judgment for a later date.

6. Cal Bears. Seriously?!? Come on, Cal. Home and away should not mean 60+ point swings. How can you hold a scoring advantage of 189-34 at home but a deficit of 110-54 on the road? It’s senseless. I don’t know why I’m so worked up about it. Perhaps I just don’t like having to feel nervous about Oregon playing at Cal.

7. Washington Huskies. Er, uh, eek! With Stanford and Oregon left, the schedule virtually guarantees six losses. Can they sweep the final three winnable games to end the losing season streak? Not looking good.

8. Arizona State Sun Devils. Mike Bellotti is starting to circle around the wounded animal that is Dennis Erickson. This conference is full of wild changes from week-to-week so I’m not calling it yet, but have the Sun Devils given up? We’ll see.

9. UCLA Bruins. Whoa, Bellotti’s everywhere. He’s circling Rick Neuheisel, too. It’s really just a matter of time with both embattled coaches. Just depends on which one Bellotti finds tastier.

10. Washington State Cougars. I’m pretty much rooting for these guys every week now. How can you not? They’re playing hard and not getting blown out by anybody. They have played Oregon, Stanford, USC and Arizona. Outside of USC, there hasn’t been a bad performance in those games. With the bottom half of the conference left, there’s a win left on the schedule. I just know it.

Image courtesy of http://www.marktoon.co.uk/people.htm (with an obvious personal alteration).

Note: Moving some posts up a day this week. SearchBag will likely run tomorrow.

On the Season
Straight Up: 38-8
Against the Spread: 23-16

Posted spreads are from sportsbook.com at time of publishing.

UCLA @ #2 Oregon (Thu., ESPN, 6:00 p.m.)
The homer in me says Oregon is just going to blow the doors off this thing Thursday night. All the talk, all the speculation…I think these guys are chomping to play some football and the fact it’s the only game on TV in front of a national audience tells me it could get ugly.

Straight Up: Oregon
ATS: Oregon -24.5

Straight Up: California
ATS: Arizona State +3.5 (hedging my bet)

Still, given what the Cougars have shown lately, I’m thinking they cover. Of course, holding an internal debate about whether a team is good enough to cover 35 points isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement for a program.

If this was a Bill Simmons column, I’d say something like ” yep, these are our Cougars.”

Straight Up: Stanford
ATS: Washington State +35

I could see the upset here, but if the Wildcats are a nationally viable team, they should win, starting quarterback or not.

Straight Up: Arizona
ATS: Washington +6.5

Oregon is better at receiver than we realized. The passing game is much improved with Darron Thomas at quarterback. Before, wide receivers always looked like better blockers than playmakers, but look what’s happening this year. Through five games, the Ducks have 13 passing TDs. A year ago, there were only 16 over the entire 13 game season.

The Ducks are coached by Dillon Panthers head man Eric Taylor. Of this, I am convinced. If you watch Friday Night Lights, you are familiar with the storyline. Poor first half, say something smart at halftime, completely different team in the second half and get the W.

Okay, but seriously defense, what’s your first half deal? I admit, I’m a little concerned. With national championship aspirations, the margin for error is small. The offense can recover a lead quickly, but I’d rather not ask them to do it every game.

[INSERT SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT DARRON THOMAS HERE]. Take your pick on a Thomas superlative. I continue to be most amazed by how calm and cool he is no matter what the situation.

Don’t sweat the fake injuries. Let’s face it. If a team is faking injuries, the game’s already over. And if nothing else, it’s good comedy when you read Chip Kelly’s lips telling the ref to watch the player return on the next play.

Two things Chip won’t admit, but I’m certain are true: (1) Thomas was being held back in the running game prior to Stanford. Either that or he got a LOT more efficient in his decision making this week. (2) As a coach, he’s acutely aware of the “bigger” games. He was far more animated and intense on the sidelines last night than any other game this season.

Here we are all the way near the end of this post and nothing about LaMichael James? Whoops. That guy is amazing. My favorite play wasn’t his 76 yard TD. It was the touchdown where he took Owen Marecic head on and leveled him. I think that’s the football player Jim Harbaugh always wished he could be.

Week 5 Predictions

PreNicktion: Oregon 31, Stanford 23 (missed extra point for spread-covering purposes).

WOTB Prediction: Time to throw it back again ala the Cal game.

Ladies and gentleman, the 2010 college football season is finally here.

We faked our way through New Mexico, Tennessee was new and exotic, but ultimately an easy win, Portland State didn’t register and Arizona State was something you had to talk yourself into.

But now…this here is Stanford, No. 9 team in the country, the only Pac-10 unit to solve Chip Kelly’s riddle in 2009.

The truth is, you need another game preview like you need a second helping at the Cheesecake Factory. What can be written about this game pretty much is already out there. But there’s one angle no one is really picking up on.

Stanford has led all but about four and a half minutes of its entire season. They’ve been front-running and doing a great job of it. Oregon, on the other hand, has come up against 10 point deficits twice in road games against BCS conference teams. In each case, they battled back to win convincingly.

It’s that buzz word “adversity” that coaches like so much. What will Stanford do at the first sign of trouble? It’s a legitimate question. Not every team has the “it” factor.

We know Darron Thomas can take a hit. We know he can bounce back from a bad quarter. We know Oregon can change the dynamics of a game in less than two minutes.

What do we know about Andrew Luck in bad times? Nothing yet. We do know that a year ago, the Cardinal went 2-4 in games decided by one score (8 points or less). Oregon was 4-0.

The first sign of trouble for Stanford will be interesting. You can almost count on there being a couple series where things go horribly wrong. This is Autzen Stadium, after all, a place where great teams go to die.

If Andrew Luck and company respond, it’s game on, but if they react more like Matt Barkley and USC a year ago, well, you know how that finishes.

Jim Harbaugh has himself a tough team, one that seems like it won’t wilt under pressure. I’d expect this thing to stay close all the way to the end. You’d imagine a quarterback as gifted as Luck can handle himself in any situation. But still, until we have proof, it’s a question Stanford has to answer.

Revenge is a necessary and perfectly natural thing.

1. Oregon Ducks. So everyone’s a Stanford fan now, huh? Put Stanford number one. Stanford’s got Jim Harbaugh and Stanford plays a man’s game. Stanford is the best team in the Pac-10. Yeah? Prove it.

2. Stanford Cardinal. Handles an FCS team. Clobbers UCLA. Smacks down Wake Forest. Stifles Notre Dame. Okay, decent job so far. Prove you can win AT Oregon. Prove it, Harbaugh.

3. Arizona Wildcats. When you subtract penalty yardage, a total of 306 yards were gained between Cal and Arizona. And in case you thought maybe there was some kicking game excitement in place of offense, there were a total of three returns on 11 punts. And three missed field goals. Anybody able to burn a DVD and send it to me? Would love to not watch that.

4. USC Trojans. For the first time all year, USC got a rankings boost after a win. Lane Kiffin almost smiled, but thought better of it and immediately declared, “Everything sucks.”

5. UCLA Bruins. Let’s play a little game called “Here’s a Fact, Now You Tell Me What You Think Happened.” I know, it’s pretty catchy.

Fact: Kevin Prince was 5-8 passing for 27 yards on the road at Texas

Your Answer: “Uh, well, Texas probably creamed ‘em, right?”

One would think, but no, that is false. The answer we were looking for is: “UCLA steamrolled No.  7 Texas in spite of whatever that is the Bruins are calling a passing game.”

6. Arizona State Sun Devils. Yep, that’s a Dennis Erickson team alright. Fast, talented and mostly insane. I could be talking just about you Vontaze Burfict, but I’m sure you’re not the only one.

7. Oregon State Beavers. Beavs, we need to have a talk. It hurts to hear, but has to be said. You gotta’ start winning some September games. I know, I know, you have to play tough teams and usually on the road because they won’t give the return game. I get that, I do. But eventually, you just gotta’ win a couple and stop making excuses.

8. Cal Bears. Tell me if this is true or not. I heard Cal was pumped after losing to Arizona because the team could continue to keep expectations low and hold out hope for a chance to win the next game.

9. Washington Huskies. It was a bye week in Montlake as Steve Sarkisian prepares for USC. Coach isn’t taking the game lightly as he knows one win will positively swing his emotional fan base back from its last known position next to the edge of a very high cliff.

10. Washington State Cougars. Back in the cellar with you, Cougs. I gave you one week of symbolic freedom, but this is where you belong. It’s okay, some people prefer the comforts of repetition. Not everyone is cut out for the wild swings of day to day life. Embrace your role and do it with pride.

Image courtesy of http://www.marktoon.co.uk/people.htm (with an obvious personal alteration).

Last week's picks were poisoned by a sweet elixir called ego. I humbly offer these improved predictions.

An ego is pure poison. Sure, I went 7-3 last week, but any sap could have done that. It’s the 1-8 record against the spread that was the betting equivalent of gargling acid. Just like that, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Straight Up: 24-4
Against the Spread: 10-11

Posted spreads are from sportsbook.com at time of publishing.

#20 USC @ Washington State
Ways to win by 22 knowing the Cougars are capable of no more than 6 points:

1. 2-3 on two point conversions and a defensive shutout.
2. 2-4 on two point conversions and hold Washington State to two field goals.
3. 0-4 on two point conversions and hold the Cougars to a safety.

Hell, I don’t know what combination of two point conversions Vegas is expecting here, but 22 points seems like the easiest/worst bet one can find.

On the one hand, beating Wazzu by 22 is a given. On the other hand, Lane Kiffin.

The Cougars’ awfulness trumps USC’s ineptitude.

Straight Up: USC
ATS: USC -22

#16 Stanford @ Notre Dame
Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly (affectionately referred to by WOTB as “the little man that came out of the big man“) says Jack Harbaugh (dad) is the best coach in the family. And you know what else, Jim? The oddsmakers think you’re only 4.5 points better than these guys. Yeah, seriously! Uh oh, I sense a late and unnecessary score to make it 59-17. That’s his deal.

Straight Up: Stanford
ATS: Stanford -4.5

UCLA @ #7 Texas
Do you think Rick Neuheisel got back on the mic after beating Houston last week? What did he tell the crowd that booed him after the Stanford debacle? “Scoreboard, baby,” I’m guessing. It’d be easy to say the Bruins will return to form against a top 10 team on the road, but I’m not convinced about the Longhorns credentials.

Straight Up: Texas
ATS: UCLA +16

#23 Oregon State @ #3 Boise State
Oooo Sssss Uuuuu…. No, that’s as far as I go. A college football nation turned its lonely eyes to this game the minute Virginia Tech lost to Boise. Oregon State Beaver gear is sold out in the far reaches of Norman, Austin, Fort Worth, Lincoln and so on. Eugene… still on the racks, but r-r-r-r-rooting for the Beavs anyway.

Straight Up: Boise State
ATS: Oregon State +17.5

California @ #14 Arizona
Now that California’s back where they are most comfortable (in expectation exile), it would make perfect sense for them to win this game. They won’t because, well, Andy Ludwig is still offensive coordinator, but it’s a “closer than you’d think” game.

Straight Up: Arizona
ATS: Cal +7

#5 Oregon @ Arizona State
Perhaps Vegas is on the take because 11.5 points is way too low for this game. Maybe they know something I don’t, but Oregon will win this by at least three touchdowns. I’m sure of  it. Completely and totally… somewhat, kinda’ certain.

Straight Up: Oregon
ATS: Oregon -11.5

He’s the guru. Now on to the 2010 Coaches’ Awards.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “Tell Your Men They Work For Me Now. This is My City.”

And the winner is: No, not The Joker. New Pac-10 Commissioner Larry Scott. Like a man possessed, he is quickly remaking the Pac-10 into the brand he foresees.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Most Jokes About Me are Played Out Because I’m So Old Now. What Else Can You Really Say?”

And the winner is: Erickson’s entire Arizona State Sun Devils team. We’ve been saying the same thing about these guys for a long time now. Sleeping giant. Perfect weather, party school, what more can a kid with talent want in a college? It’s just a matter of time and ASU will dominate. And so it goes. 9th place ASU. That’s where you’re headed this year. Again.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “No Matter What, I’ll Always Look Good Because I’m Not Lane Kiffin”

And the winner is: Cal’s 2011 quarterback. Joe Ayoob to Nate Longshore to Kevin Riley? What happened to Tedford’s magical touch?

The Chip Kelly award for “Is There Anyone On This Team That didn’t Get In Trouble This Year? Seriously, One Guy is All I Need.”

And the winner is: Brandon Bair, Oregon defensive tackle. Nice move by the Ducks sending a Mormon to Pac-10 media day. Can’t go wrong there.

The Jim Harbaugh award for “What’s Your Deal?“

And the winner is: Coaches’ poll voters. Ok, we get that USC is ineligible, but still, just two teams in the top 25? Here’s hoping the AP can do a little better.

The Mike Stoops award for “Is it Me or Am I Less Crazy Than I Used to Be? It’s Just Me, Isn’t It?”

And the winner is: Vontaze Burfict, ASU linebacker. He plays crazy. He acts crazy. And he won’t think twice about destroying you.

The Lane Kiffin award for “If I Fail at Just One More Job, I May Get Promoted to President of The Whole Damn World”

And the winner is: Jake Locker, UW quarterback. Results and stats matter little to NFL teams that just can’t wait to reach high and overpay a quarterback that has accomplished….what?

The Pete Carroll award for “No, We Did Nothing Wrong. Everything Was by The Book. We Were Just the Victims of Circumstance. Now, Excuse Me, I Have a Practice to Attend to With My New Team”

And the winner is: Jeremiah Masoli, former UO quarterback. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Three times.

OTP Infractions Committee

Whoa, timeout people. The OTP Infractions Committee has just discovered a major USC violation. Use of an ineligible coach for an award! All past awards are to be vacated and they’re now banned from receiving any awards for two years (pending appeal, of course). Now let’s get back to it with the teams that don’t cheat.

The Mike Riley award for “2+2=4, The Sky is Blue, Water is Wet and September Will Be a Bad Month”

And the winner is: UCLA, a team that could get demoralized in September with away games at Kansas State and Texas sandwiching two home games against Stanford and Houston.

The Paul Wulff award for “Can I Please Leave? It’s Not Me, It’s the Job”

And the winner is: USC players Jordan Campbell, Malik Jackson, Byron Moore, DJ Shoemate, Seantrel Henderson, Jarvis Jones, and Travon Patterson. All have left USC. Other than Henderson, no one will be greatly missed.

The Jeff Tedford award for “Andy Ludwig is My Offensive Coordinator. This is Not a Good Thing”

And the winner is: In a retroactively awarded landslide, former Oregon coach Mike Bellotti and Utah coach Kyle Wittingham take home the hardware.