This week’s SearchBag gets turned over to the great fans of the Washington Huskies*. They searched, I answer.

*While it may seem based on the locations of these searches, they couldn’t possibly all be Huskies, I can assure you they are. Assure means the same thing as assume, right?

• just how cool is offthepond (Google Search in Mililani, HI)

Stop it. You’re just trying to butter me up so I’ll take it easy on you.

(pst, hey, it’s working! That’s, like, the best search anyone’s ever done.)

• washington oregon football rivalry (Google Search in Mukilteo, WA)

ri-val [rahy-vuhl] -noun
a person or thing that is in a position to dispute another’s preeminence or superiority

Key phrase is “in a position.” Does Oregon-Washington really sound like a rivalry to you?

• what to do before oregon duck football game (Google Search in Honolulu, HI)

Yeah, that guy. Go say hi.

Have I got just the thing for you! From 10:30 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., you can go hang with Kenny Wheaton. Oh, don’t act like you forgot. He’s doing an SI Chalk Talk and autograph session (compliments of Nissan..hey PR guy, I put it in!). You can do the same thing with Joey Harrington at 9:00 a.m. Just cruise on over to PK Park and check it out.

• is everyone wearing costumes (Google Search in Forest Hill, MD)

Um, no? Perhaps if the game was played last weekend, but…no, I…I don’t believe so.

• chip kelly oregon ducks does he say what color to wear for fans (Google Search in Corvallis, OR)

Ok, yes, that is true. He wants everyone to wear yellow. It does NOT have to be a costume. And I know what your next question is, so let me just say no, you can’t substitute gold.

• “dress up as each other” (Google Search in Manchester, England)

Haha, clever, but no. You have to wear your purple and take this beating like you wanted it. Are we good on attire? Can we move on?

• jeff maehl nude (Google Search in Denham Springs, LA and Medfield, MA)

Just because I ask for a question that doesn’t have to do with clothing doesn’t mean you need to be a sarcastic jackass. And if both of you are being serious, ewwwww.

• who is chip kelly (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

You haven’t heard? He’s the Oregon coach that has the Ducks ranked No. 1 in the country. He took ‘em to a Rose Bowl in his first year. He beat the Huskies 43-19 in his first attempt.

• chip kelly contract (Google Search in Dover, DE)

Haha, I see you are convinced. Sorry, we locked that up for another six years. Enjoy “Sark Attack.”

• jake locker (Google Search in Bremerton, WA)

Kind of sums it up, doesn't it?

Oooh,  I didn’t think you were going to bring that up. Didn’t really work out as planned did it? It just feels mean to joke about the guy anymore. You’ve suffered enough.

• chip kelly secrets (Google Search in Newburgh, IN)

I’m not really at liberty to say.

• flomax competitor (Google Search in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada)

God, I HATE spammers! They infect everything. Can we get back to SearchBag, please?

• whats wrong with kenjon barner (Yahoo Search in Riverside, CA)

Actually, nothing. He’s going to play. I guess Satuday’s not sounding any better, huh?

• we are proven (Google Search in Auburn, WA)

I’ll take “things that were true in 1991″ for a thousand.

• jeff fisher thinks ducks could score in nfl (Google Search in White Plains, NY)

Yeah, I heard that, too. And you know what? It sounds like a compliment, but the offense is so good, it’s actually quite insulting.

Just try to keep it under 60 and you’ll have your moral victory.

• u of o football like playing the “jetsons” (Google Search in Seattle, WA)

I’m still not exactly sure what that means. I get the whole space age, future-life thing, but wouldn’t the Jetsons kind of suck at football? Honestly, a robot, a dog, Judy. And George is like a toothpick. They resemble the Huskies more than the Ducks.

• i love my ducks (Google Search in Gretna, LA)

Figured you’d come around. Enjoy the game.

The blog wishes the Huskies luck this weekend and appreciates the search effort. Even Huskies can follow Off The Pond on Twitter. Equal opportunity followship is the policy around here. Just don’t be offended when I mock thee….because I will.

Something's wrong. I...I feel nothing.

The blog is drowning in apathetic sorrow over the boredom felt toward Oregon vs. Washington. But worry not, there are others who will deliver you a steaming pile of Dawg hate. Here’s the linkage…

• With Cameron Newton under investigation by the NCAA, LaMichael James Heisman campaign gets a boost. The blog got it’s joke in but, despite homerific tendencies, prefers to see Newton on the field. Auburn has known since July and no wrongdoing has actually been alleged toward the star quarterback.
• Of course, any potential downfall of another can be a reminder to keep your own house clean. Never mind the NCAA hypocrisy behind selling the crap out of jerseys featuring specific player numbers. A No. 21 jersey? Oh, that could be anyone. That’ll be $45.99 please.
• Addicted to Quack is stepping up and properly hating the Huskies. I’m too indifferent, but know some good hatin’ when I see it.
• Wow! Someone really went to a lot of trouble to hate the Huskies with an entire website devoted to the topic. I miss this rivalry.
• I feel like my Oregon fandom could be questioned right now so I dug through my archives to prove I have properly hated in the past. Here’s a post detailing how historically bad Washington is right now. And I’ll always have Jake Locker. There’s probably more, but I got bored again.
• Ken Goe has a nice piece on Kenjon Barner who clearly means more to this team than on-field performance.
• I should have linked this yesterday. Bud Withers, who used to cover the Ducks, tries to come to grips with No. 1 Oregon. He has some good stories from the days where any ranking would have been celebrated. The blog has always been foggy on pre-1994 years, but I’ve always said, 13 is the age your memory really starts to crystallize.
• What’s that the kids are using these days? SMH. Yeah, I’m SMH over this John Canzano piece about crazy Duck and Beaver fans. First thing I thought of was Lee “Hacksaw” Hamilton. “React to Me!” Okay, I did and it comes with a link. Journalism wins. For what it’s worth, I’ve probably gone trolling myself a few times, so I’m aware of the hypocrisy.
• Just about everybody is chiming in on the Oregon offense this week. Here’s another perspective. Ducks must have some good SEO mojo rolling right now.
• I like the idea of ending each link roundup on a video so let’s keep that going. It comes from the oregonsportsnet YouTube channel. I’m still trying to figure out what just happened but I was entertained.

Readers: “Yep, Nick, psychiatry is your only hope. ”

Time for linkage…

• Heisman Pundit does a pretty good job of describing the rise of Oregon. It will be interesting to look back 20 years from now and see where the football program fits historically.
• If the blog had a link of the month club like Oprah does with books, this link would be required reading (and get you 30% off at Border’s). Spencer Hall of SBNation and EDSBS did everyone a favor with some mythbusting on the Oregon offense. The next time someone says “gimmick,” just forward this link. There’s also a little more on the topic here and a comment from an Addicted to Quack contributor makes a good point about practice.
• I’m a couple days late to this link, but Dr. Saturday put Oregon up against other recent offensive juggernauts and they dominate the statistics. Granted, its a comparison to teams with completed seasons so we’ll have to revisit this at the end of the year.
• I don’t mind people thinking Oregon is beatable. It’s patently false, but you’re entitled to your opinion. For the love of God, though, leave last year out of it! Similar players, very different results. Ok, to be fair, that’s not really the point of the article. Moreso, it’s about the fact that a moral victory is a worthy goal for Washington. And that’s what the rivalry has become. Ugh.
• But you sure gotta’ admire the spunk coming out of Seattle, right? Knowing full well the massacre that awaits them, someone is still lighting the Morrison Bridge in purple and gold. The Willamette Light Brigade is calling it Husky Heritage Week and defines the lights as lovely, which I’m sure they are.
• Now I just feel bad. Ken Goe’s headline yesterday references the color purple making your blood boil. I wrote something similar later in the day. It weren’t a rip-off cross my heart hope to die.
• Even though Chip Kelly hasn’t committed to playing Kenyon Kenjon Barner this week (spell much?), you gotta’ think it’ll happen. LaMichael James could use a few less carries because he’s all out of power-up mushrooms.
• Just in case you wanted to know how the whole Jeremiah Masoli and Ole’ Miss thing is going, well, go here.
• Oh, what is he doing with this temptation of fate? UOSportsDude, I sentence you to dig up archived footage of years 1965-1988. And then, for good measure, study 1998 and 2007.

• Rewinding to USC, Trojan cornerback Shareece Wright told LaMichael James after a touchdown that he didn’t want James scoring on his field anymore. And it worked. Oregon didn’t score another point, stuck on 53 for the rest of the game. The execution came a little late, but good mental note for next time.
• Coaches are going to run the Oregon offense through the Xerox machine this summer to varying results. But waiting is for suckers and Urban Meyer wants to get Florida up to speed now. It should be fun to watch Meyer transform his offense from “unable to snap the ball” in week one to “Oregon” by week 10. In an unrelated note, OTP likes what ESPN is doing with all its content and traffic. Starting now, I’m going to do that. What’s that you say? Not really sure, but I’m gonna’ do it.
• You probably heard Jake Locker won’t play against Oregon. But did you know that it’s inconsequential to the impending outcome? You did? Oh.
• Kenjon Barner is getting closer but his return is still unknown. Reports from practice this morning say he’s doing more today and could possibly play Saturday.
• Oregon sure has been lucky with injuries this ye– OH DEAR GOD NOW YOU’VE DONE IT! Those rascally beat writers and their reporting of facts are tempting fate as Rob Moseley writes about how healthy the Ducks have been.
• Jeff Maehl’s season and career are starting to reach elite levels. One more touchdown, and Maehl ties a single season record.
• Among many notes in Moseley’s Monday notebook is that in practice, the UO offense was running plays faster than he’s ever seen. Still too slow as far as Kelly’s concerned.
• Matt Smith, who hosts an L.A. radio show that is nationally syndicated, writes that Trojan fans should think twice about rooting for too much Oregon success. Tuning in on the AM dial, I’d have to say the USC types down here are all about Oregon winning out. And they seem conciliatory toward the Ducks as the new Pac-10 power.
• Appreciate the lack of subtlety here. “Chip Kelly is God.” He must be a really good football coach in that case (he is).
• And finally, a video of the Duck being awesome courtesy of the incomparable YouTube channel of keeerrrttt1.

• Chip Kelly is on top of his coach posturing this week insisting USC has better athletes and that the Trojan defense is much better than it appears. He cites recruiting rankings as his evidence. Uh huh, sure coach.
• 

  Chip says it's both

  When it comes to Kelly’s philosophy on depth, he has both the “chicken and the egg.” Just read it…it’ll make sense.

• Kenjon Barner may be back, but KEZI’s report that Darron Thomas was favoring his right hand in practice Tuesday is no beuno. It’s the kind of thing that unnecessarily freaks me out in the middle of the week.
• Here’s a really impressive collection of USC look-a-likes. Bravo, Mr. eDuck poster.
• USC said it has to scrap its normal Tampa 2 defense this week and roll with something else to stop the Ducks. Something like the Derek Dooley system of 13 defenders, I suppose.
• Um, tickets on StubHub are mostly being sold to people in California…for a game being played in California. So, there’s that news.
• Guess what. A few prominent coaches have won national titles in their second year as head coach this decade. And sophomore Heisman winners are all the rage lately. Hmmm. Yes, I’ll take it.
• Yesterday, I had a link about problems the Duck offense causes beyond the game. Here’s another: running replays on the scoreboard at Autzen Stadium.
• Oh boy. Here comes the silver shoes. I do not like playing around with a new uniform choice in big games. All I can think of is grellow helmets in Las Vegas. Then again, that was the furthest away you can get from a big game.
• Oregon hit its season high for ejections at Autzen Stadium last Thursday. Congratulations, you drunken heroes. Just think what you can do when you don’t have to work the following morning.
• Lastly, in case you don’t know, wear green to the GameDay production if you are going. Don’t let the tragedy of yellow happen. If you want to add a streak of silver, have at it. And don’t argue about your individualism. It’s not allowed anymore.

The lack of comprehension in Boise for the point I was trying to get across yesterday just depresses me. You just can't use sarcasm anymore (yeah, that was sarcasm, too).

Before I jump into the links today, I have a quick administrative note going back to the Boise post yesterday.

(1) Clearly, the state of Idaho had to cut sarcasm from all levels of the educational system. I’m beside myself with grief over the  lack of comprehension (that’s sarcasm…sorta’).

(2) I’d prefer to keep personal attacks out of the comments. I’m pretty short on rules around here. Be clever, be factual, be a liar, make a joke, be serious, use words the FCC censors…I don’t really care. All I ask is that it’s respectful and fun. I have no desire to become the OregonLive of San Diego-based Duck football blogs (hey, it’s a niche).

Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there. Thanks to everyone for reading and go ducks!

P.S. It is entirely acceptable to call me a d-bag. I appreciate the input from “Oregon Sucks” and will take that under consideration (sigh…yep, sarcasm).

• We’re leading off today with a San Diego high school kid who’s got enough heart for an entire team.
• The University of Oregon has officially endorsed that all fans wear a like color. In this case, yellow. It has a better chance of working than black, but I’m still skeptical. Hope it does well.
• Kelly won’t make any definitive declarations, but Oregon is looking to be without three defenseive starters on Thursday. Kenjon Barner is also expected to sit.
• One of those injuries (Anthony Gildon) is going to give Cliff Harris his first start. John Hunt profiled Harris and, like anything else involving “Kash” it was pure entertainment.
• It took a bit to get interesting, but the second half of this Chip Kelly Q&A at rivals.com has some good stuff on topics such as getting hired, agents, Boise State (them again) and a few other things.
• Can’t remember how I ended up on this site, but The College Football Belt Championship is a great concept. It’s basically akin to holding the belt in boxing. Beat a champ, you are the champ. Sadly, Oregon has never held the belt themselves.
• Jeff Maehl is profiled in an AP article. I haven’t thought much about the MaehlMan this year so I checked his stats. 453 yards and 5 TDs. He has a legit shot at 1,000 yards and 10 TDs. Can’t remember the last time an Oregon receiver was that productive.
• Perhaps we have been a little harsh on Pac-10 officiating. Apparently, fans everywhere are ref-averse. Imagine that.
• Thursday night’s UCLA game will be in 3D and goducks.com dives in to the details. I’m waiting for the technology to eliminate the need for glasses. Well, that and a few thousand dollars.
• Doing my civic duty here and letting everyone know that transportation will be a bit different Thursday night. You’ve been warned
• Forgot to link a nice piece on Nate Costa yesterday who is a consummate professional. Some additional details are provided in Ken Goe’s rundown.
• Kevin Prince is still questionable for UCLA. If he can’t go that means the Bruins offense goes from less-than-mediocre to just plain bad.

What's that Larry Scott? What am I implying? Oh, nothing.

• Pac-10 refs are getting hammered this year. Or at least it seems that way. The latest issue about a conflict of interest certainly hasn’t gone unnoticed. Ted Miller mentions that Larry Scott has noted the complaints about officiating. For the 1,392nd time, let me say it’s nice having a commissioner who gives a shit about improving the conference.
• Lists of “best college towns”, “loudest stadiums”, etc. are basically regurgitated versions of themselves from the last site to publish a top ten. That said, it’s nice to always be included, this time as the 3rd best college town courtesy of the Huffington Post.
• Chad Peppars did his good deed for the day on Thursday, perhaps twice. He started the day attending a United Way fundraiser and ended it helping an injured elderly woman. I drank beer and wine at a breast cancer fundraiser. Does that count?
• This article scrapes at the surface of the Pac-10′s reshaping power structure as Oregon supplants USC atop the league. But it’s also teams like Stanford and Arizona rising up which has given the title race a different look.
• Remember the Blur offense article earlier this week on ESPN? Author Greg Easterbrook has been getting killed for it. I’m not saying you need to read each link, but Easterbrook probably should stick to NFL topics.
• USC athletic director Pat Haden is crying about the Cal schools potentially being split up in the Pac-12 alignment. He can buy a Kleenex for all I care.
• I’m fine with Chip Kelly keeping practice a private matter. It’s probably smart for an “improvement week.” Still, he can’t hide the team from the expectations and pressure of No. 2. In the end, they simply have to be better than the next six opponents.
• Chip’s funny with his media ways. He kind of picks and chooses when to be more cordial and open. Usually, it’s with national media, but in this case, it’s John Canzano where he is more forthcoming about Kenjon Barner’s injury status.

Today’s Not Sports Link: Teens text a lot.

• There was a less-than-cordial exchange between Rob Moseley and Chip Kelly on the weekly Pac-10 conference call Tuesday that stemmed from a question trying to understand Kenjon Barner’s injury status. We all understand Kelly’s policy, but he needs to lighten up. The act works great right now, but just wait until a bad stretch and see how the media treats it. And beside that, Barner’s injury looked horrific. By not commenting on it in any fashion, it’s letting rumors swirl. Believe it or not, fans care about the health of a player beyond the football field. This isn’t a tweaked ankle and should be treated differently.
• First reports indicated that UCLA would suspend as many as six players against Oregon. So far, the tally is officially at two. I suppose it depends on how many of them were able to clean out their system prior to being given a cup, 30 seconds and slightly more privacy than Brett Favre gave us.
• 

  Man, you 3D television owners are lucky. This is going to look so real!

  If you have a properly-enabled television, congratulations! You’ll be able to see people in the third dimension on Oct. 2 when UCLA plays at Oregon.

• Does the Ducks’ offense have a name, now? Greg Easterbrook’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback column, normally NFL-centric, calls it the “blur offense” and digs into what makes it special.
• I think “Cigar Guy” may have jumped the shark with this photo.
• They are still…talking…about…Pac-12…alignment. Maybe there’s a little new info in there, I don’t know. Just tell me what the  divisions are going to be, please!
• The college football story of the day, of the year, of the decade, of the whole century came out yesterday. Sports Illustrated’s “Confessions of an Agent” details (with names) the shady side of the agent business and it’s a riveting read.
• Oregon’s January home stadium is getting a $152 million renovation. Glad to hear it as my only complaint of the Rose Bowl is that it’s a bit antiquated.

Vontaze Burfict possesses miraculous healing powers. The star ASU linebacker is made of a special substance not found in most humans. While rolling around in agonizing pain permanently sidelines mere mortals, for Burfict, it actually makes him stronger and increases athleticism by a factor of 7.2.

Darron Thomas is impressively cool. Yeah, he had a bad interception. Sure, there were some missed throws. Of course, something is wrong in the read-option. Still, if you wanted to see one thing from a young quarterback, wouldn’t it be calm under pressure (a lot of it at that)? Thomas can take a hit and deliver a good throw. He doesn’t get rattled and ultimately made huge plays to turn a deficit into a lead at halftime. He looks to this fanatic blogger like an elite quarterback in the making.

Cliff Harris did not “lock shit down.” In fact, nobody did. I’m trying to rationalize 600 yards of offense for ASU, but that shouldn’t happen. Oregon got gashed in the running game and exploited in the secondary. The game plan didn’t help. The Ducks left the safeties deep and were content to blitz the crap out of Steven Threet. It resulted in turnovers, sacks and a whole lot of open space underneath in the middle of the field. They barely got away with it against a mediocre offense but here’s a fact:  Stanford’s impressive offensive line and Andrew Luck would abuse a similar game plan.

It was hot and it mattered. How else to explain such a bizarre game? Jeff Maehl dropped easy catches. Kenjon Barner muffed a punt. ASU’s offense made the Bill Gates Foundation look stingy. Oregon’s offensive line executed the football version of osmosis. I’d say even the officials were affected, but their ineptitude was par for the Pac-10 course.

Night games are a good thing…this time. Oregon moved up to No. 4 in both the AP and Coaches’ Poll. The sloppiness of the game had little effect on the minds of voters who were no doubt counting sheep (except for you Jon Wilner. Everyone knows how smart you are.).

This was a good win. No really, it was. Stop laughing. Why are you laughing? I’m, serious. Anytime you struggle in every phase of the game, yet still score 42 points on the road and win comfortably, it’s a good win. Here’s the thing. No championship team cruises to 12-0. Even USC’s historically good team in 2005 needed a 4th down conversion to win at Notre Dame. Alabama last year eked out wins against Tennessee and Auburn. When you are the big game on everyone’s schedule and opposing coaches are imploring fans to bring it every game, this is what happens. Oregon is going to face a lot of early haymakers, especially in road games, but over 60 minutes, it’s going to be the better team. Good win, move on.

Week 3 Predictions

PreNicktion: Oregon 73, Portland State 0. And that may actually be realistic.

FOTB Prediction: Black helmet, yellow jersey, black pants, black socks,black with yellow shoes.

Like a worker punching the clock at 9 and 5 every day, sometimes I do a post simply because I have to.

And so it is that I present the Oregon vs. Portland State preview and prediction post.

I’m bored already… and getting more arrogant by the word. Sorry PSU, it’s not you, it’s us. We’re just really good (we?).

The blog isn’t going to try and fool you. It did no research on the Vikings. Didn’t read a word about their team. Never even tried to find a fan site.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not businesslike about this game. And I hope the team is, too. In case no one is taking this game seriously, I sent a few mandates to Leo Harris Parkway.

Offense
1. Score 73 points. No safeties, field goals, extra points or two point conversions. How you do that, I don’t know, but Chip will figure it out.

2. LaMichael James and Kenjon Barner play for the right to first string duties. Whoever gets to six touchdowns first wins. Loser has to spend a week not winning a national award.

3. Three quarterbacks (Darron Thomas, Nate Costa and Daryle Hawkins) are required to score points. All must do it differently than the other. If one of them has to kick at some point, so be it. Taking a safety doesn’t count. That’s just silly.

WOTB says: Flight of the bumblebees

Defense (Note: A shutout is assumed)
1. Cliff Harris must score a touchdown on a fumble recovery or interception. The return must receive a score of at least 5.87 or higher by a panel of Olympic gymnastics judges.

2. For every down Brandon Bair plays, he must stand still, raise his hands and motion them in windmill-like fashion. This will create a putt-putt golf-like effect for the quarterback who must perfectly time the throw when Bair’s hands are down.

3. Talmadge Jackson III must turn his head and defend a pass. I’m just sayin’… it’d be nice.

Special Teams
1. Jackson Rice may punt once, but that’s it. It has to be on first down of the opening drive. Ya’ know, just to mess with them.

2. Return no kicks for touchdowns. In fact, score 0 points. That would be a far harder accomplishment.