The Jeff Tedford award for “We would never ask anyone on our team to fake something! Oh that, well, I didn’t know. Talk to my assistant.”

And the winner is: Whoever is responsible at Oregon for releasing documents provided by Willie Lyles that were, uh, thoroughly researched and totally worth the money. They paid me to say that. Stacks and stacks of money. On a company check no less.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Remember the early 90s? Remember that? Those were good times”

And the winner is: The Washington Huskies, because it’s never too early in a season to throw your first jab.

The David Shaw award for “All I need to be a good coach is a little Luck. Yeah, see what I did there?”

And the winner is: Headline writers and copy editors everywhere. We get it. The last name of the Heisman-contending quarterback at Stanford is Luck and it’s a most versatile word indeed.

The Mike Stoops award for “This is the year. I just know it!”

And the winner is: Cal Bears fans who are sure they’ve performed the proper rituals to rid themselves of the curse of Rilayooshore and are hyped on Buffalo transfer Zach Maynard to finally deliver the team a consistent season at quarterback.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “It’ll all be better if we just hire an alum to run our program”

And the winner is: Jon Embree, new head coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. Good luck to you, sir. These types of hires always work out. Note to Mr. Embree: That was really a shot at Neuheisel because, well, he’ll always deserve it.

The Jon Embree award for “This blog doesn’t know the first thing about this guy so let’s just give the award to a random dude”

And the winner is: Michael Kirby, Utah defensive back. Have you heard of him? I didn’t think so.

The Chip Kelly award for “We’re damn good. We’ll smoke ‘em all”

And the winner is: Well, duh. Cliff Harris, the Oregon cornerback who relied upon the ol’ “we smoked all the weed” defense when pulled over by Oregon state police in June.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “While you might think it’s still questionable, we’re back!”

And the winner is: James Rodgers, Oregon State wide receiver. It looks like the Beaver standout receiver is going to make it back from the gruesome knee injury suffered early on in the 2010 season. But still, we’re going to need to see some proof.

The Kyle Wittingham award for “We’re good enough, we’re smart enough and gosh darnit, people are gonna like us”

And the winner is: Aaron Pflugrad, Arizona State wide receiver, mostly because I still can’t believe that guy is a starting wide receiver in the Pac-12, and a good one at that.

The Mike Riley award for “I’ve been here a long time and I’ll probably never leave”

And the winner is: Senior Chris Owusu, Stanford wide receiver. Maybe it’s just me but I’m fairly certain he enrolled in 2002.

The Paul Wulff award for “Yeah, this looks better, but is it really going to be any different?”

And the winner is: UCLA freshman quarterback Brett Hundley, the highly-touted savior of Rick Neuheisel’s uninspired group of quarterbacks, who ended up having knee surgery and postponing his inevitable ascension to starter status.

The Lane Kiffin award for “See, no major violation, I’m totally clean”

And the winner is: Nobody. They’re all guilty, rotten-to-the-core human beings who’s only real talent is the ability to stick a hand out and expect giant stacks of gold bricks to magically appear. Either that or hookers, but regardless, everyone’s a dirty cheater.

This award is sponsored by Sports by Brooks. When you want only the best in rumor-mongering and half-baked truths, choose SbB!

He’s the guru. Now on to the 2010 Coaches’ Awards.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “Tell Your Men They Work For Me Now. This is My City.”

And the winner is: No, not The Joker. New Pac-10 Commissioner Larry Scott. Like a man possessed, he is quickly remaking the Pac-10 into the brand he foresees.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Most Jokes About Me are Played Out Because I’m So Old Now. What Else Can You Really Say?”

And the winner is: Erickson’s entire Arizona State Sun Devils team. We’ve been saying the same thing about these guys for a long time now. Sleeping giant. Perfect weather, party school, what more can a kid with talent want in a college? It’s just a matter of time and ASU will dominate. And so it goes. 9th place ASU. That’s where you’re headed this year. Again.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “No Matter What, I’ll Always Look Good Because I’m Not Lane Kiffin”

And the winner is: Cal’s 2011 quarterback. Joe Ayoob to Nate Longshore to Kevin Riley? What happened to Tedford’s magical touch?

The Chip Kelly award for “Is There Anyone On This Team That didn’t Get In Trouble This Year? Seriously, One Guy is All I Need.”

And the winner is: Brandon Bair, Oregon defensive tackle. Nice move by the Ducks sending a Mormon to Pac-10 media day. Can’t go wrong there.

The Jim Harbaugh award for “What’s Your Deal?“

And the winner is: Coaches’ poll voters. Ok, we get that USC is ineligible, but still, just two teams in the top 25? Here’s hoping the AP can do a little better.

The Mike Stoops award for “Is it Me or Am I Less Crazy Than I Used to Be? It’s Just Me, Isn’t It?”

And the winner is: Vontaze Burfict, ASU linebacker. He plays crazy. He acts crazy. And he won’t think twice about destroying you.

The Lane Kiffin award for “If I Fail at Just One More Job, I May Get Promoted to President of The Whole Damn World”

And the winner is: Jake Locker, UW quarterback. Results and stats matter little to NFL teams that just can’t wait to reach high and overpay a quarterback that has accomplished….what?

The Pete Carroll award for “No, We Did Nothing Wrong. Everything Was by The Book. We Were Just the Victims of Circumstance. Now, Excuse Me, I Have a Practice to Attend to With My New Team”

And the winner is: Jeremiah Masoli, former UO quarterback. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Three times.

OTP Infractions Committee

Whoa, timeout people. The OTP Infractions Committee has just discovered a major USC violation. Use of an ineligible coach for an award! All past awards are to be vacated and they’re now banned from receiving any awards for two years (pending appeal, of course). Now let’s get back to it with the teams that don’t cheat.

The Mike Riley award for “2+2=4, The Sky is Blue, Water is Wet and September Will Be a Bad Month”

And the winner is: UCLA, a team that could get demoralized in September with away games at Kansas State and Texas sandwiching two home games against Stanford and Houston.

The Paul Wulff award for “Can I Please Leave? It’s Not Me, It’s the Job”

And the winner is: USC players Jordan Campbell, Malik Jackson, Byron Moore, DJ Shoemate, Seantrel Henderson, Jarvis Jones, and Travon Patterson. All have left USC. Other than Henderson, no one will be greatly missed.

The Jeff Tedford award for “Andy Ludwig is My Offensive Coordinator. This is Not a Good Thing”

And the winner is: In a retroactively awarded landslide, former Oregon coach Mike Bellotti and Utah coach Kyle Wittingham take home the hardware.

But really, the argument for “Biggest Civil War Ever” really comes down to one of two years: 2000 or 2009?

You can make an argument for either year. I had been thinking 2009 without question. Now that I look back at it, it’s a lot closer than I thought but two things ultimately make this the bigger game: (1) The winner goes to the Rose Bowl and (2) Media attention is infinitely more intense now.

In arguing for the the 2000 game, you could say both teams were more nationally prominent. The records were much better and Oregon was aiming at becoming one of a select few teams to ever go undefeated in Pac-10 play.

Either way, you can’t go wrong.

	Tale of The Civil War Tape
Category	2000		2009
UO/OSU Ranking *	5 & 8		8 & 16
Winner Eligible For Rose Bowl ¥	Both		Both
Combined Record Prior to Game	18-2		17-5
Combined Win Percentage	90%		77.2%
Worst Case Scenario for Losing Team	Holiday Bowl		Las Vegas Bowl
TV Broadcast	ABC Regional ??		ESPN HD National
Venue	Original Reser		Remodeled Autzen
Coaches ±	Erickson/Bellotti		Riley/Kelly
Star Players †	Chad Johnson/Joey Harrington		Jacquizz Rodgers/Jeremiah Masoli
Roses Being Waved From Our Car in Corvallis En Route To Game	A Bushel		None
Soul Crushing Defeats	1		No Freaking Way

* Using AP Rankings.
¥ Oregon State would have gone to the Rose Bowl had Washington lost later that day so technically, the Beavers had a shot going into the game.
± None of the four coaches had/has the cache that Dennis Erickson carried with him off of his Miami Hurricane fame and NFL experience.
† I think the 2009 game has more star power, if only because the media is more intense now. Chad Johnson wasn’t even close to a household name yet and Joey Harrington was a year away from a Times Square billboard.

The Dennis Erickson Award for “What, I’m Still in the Same Place? Why?”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. It’s shocking that he came back. Everyone assumed he would enter the NFL draft as a surefire first round pick. Instead, he’s at USC for his senior year and figures to anchor a raw, but talented USC defense.

The Chip Kelly Award for “I’m Destined For Greatness, So Why is Everyone a Little Unsure?”
…And the winner is: Whichever quarterback starts for USC in its opening game. Two Trojan quarterbacks have won Heisman Trophies under Pete Carroll and every time they break in someone new, the doubters quickly subside. Still, until Aaron Corp or Matt Barkley prove it, it’s all guesswork.

The Pete Carroll Award for “How Many Times Do I Have to Say It? This is Where I Want To Be”
…And the winner is: Markus Wheaton, OSU WR. Yep, Wheaton is a Beaver. Duck fans probably still can’t believe the cousin of Kenny Wheaton would do such a thing. We’re still waiting to hear it was a joke. The Ducks now just have to hope Oregon State doesn’t get a program-defining moment from Kenny’s cousin.

The Steve Sarkisian Award for “We’re Going to Be Awesome Because I Said So”
…And the winner is: The Arizona Wildcats. Anyone else feel like Mike Stoops’ bunch has been the next coming of greatness in the conference for the last five years? All they have is a 6-6 regular season and a Las Vegas Bowl trophy to show for it. Sure, the honor could have been given to Washington, but it was ineligible to win its coach’s own award.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Hi, We’re Still Up Here. Hey, over here! Watch for us, We’re Going to Be Better. Ah, Screw It, We’re Terrible.”
…And the Winner Is: Kevin Prince, UCLA QB. Okay, that’s not fair to the redshirt freshman Prince and “terrible” is too strong of a word, but the point is that even though UCLA is moving on from a disastrous year at the quarterback position, they undoubtedly have more growing pains ahead.

The Mike Stoops Award for “I’m a Star. No, Really, Ignore the Mediocrity Because I’m a Star!”
…And the Winner Is: Jake Locker. Sorry, Saint Locker of the Seattleites. It’s not that I want to give you this award, it’s just that you’ve never done anything to justify all the hype your fans are heaping on you. Feel free to prove us wrong.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “We’re Coming For You No Matter How Ridiculous That Sounds”
…And the Winner Is: The Stanford Cardinal. Believe it or not, Stanford might be good this year. It’s even possible they creep into the top four teams in the conference. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Cardinal make a leap to a bowl game for this first time since 2001.

The Mike Riley Award for “What Else Do We Have to Do to Prove We’re Good?”
…And the Winner Is: The whole gosh-darned (tribute to Riley-speak) Pac-10. A 5-0 bowl record in 2008 and stellar records this decade against fellow BCS teams just isn’t enough. Distribution of your product to the masses matters and the Pac-10 is lacking a national audience. Just keep on winning, I guess.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “How Did We Go From Underdog to Overrated?”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremiah Masoli. As a fan of the Duck’s quarterback, it hurts to put him here, but it’s a natural fit. Masoli still has a lot to prove as his hype is riding on the back of a three game stretch to end 2008. He’ll need to put together a full season of strong play.

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “We’re Borderline Geniuses and Oh, Yeah, We Can Play Too”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Nixon, ASU LB. Let’s see, Nixon carries a 4.05 GPA in Political Science and was an Honorable Mention All-Conference player in 2008. And this year, he’s tabbed as a preseason first team player by many. Yeah, he kind of owns this category.

View past Coach’s Awards: 2008

One problem…it ain’t gonna happen. Just because we’ve spent an entire season getting told that Oregon State is a vastly superior program, team and set of human beings doesn’t make it so. I present to you the following: Oregon State is 8-3, Oregon is 8-3. The Beavers are not better. And they’re not worse, either, but they are completely beatable.

I get that the Beavers are a lunchpail crew of winners on a road called destiny. I get that Mike Riley with his pinnacle of achievement being a Sun Bowl victory is vastly superior to Mike Bellotti. I even understand that because Oregon aggressively markets itself, it only cares about image, never about winning. But even so, Saturday is going to be a day of victory for the University of Oregon. It’s a wild thought, I know. After all, this is an Oregon State program clearly on another level from the University of Oregon. Just look at their overall records since Mike Riley II began his tenure. Why, they’re completely even!

You’ll just have to forgive me for thinking Oregon will win. Roses can wait another 44 years.

PreNicktion: Oregon 38, Oregon State 28

The Dennis Erickson Award for “It’s Been Fun, But it’s Time to Move On”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. An overwhelming consensus first-round pick by every useless mock draft the internet has to offer, the junior is a season away from becoming an early entrant to the 2009 NFL Draft.

The Mike Bellotti Award for “If the Game Was Only 61 Minutes Long, I Would Have Won”
…And the winner is: Kevin Riley, Cal Quarterback. Some advice for you this year, Kevin: spike the ball, call a timeout, or run out of bounds.

The Pete Carroll Award for “I Don’t Care If You’re Good, I Just Don’t Like You”
…And the winner is: Rudy Carpenter, Arizona State Quarterback. I don’t feel like I should have to explain this. Actually, I’m not even sure if I can. I just don’t like him.

The Tyrone Willingham Award for “I Looked A Lot Better When I First Got Onto Campus”
…And the winner is: Ben Olson, UCLA Quarterback. He’s injured. Again. As a former “5-Star Recruit,” big things were expected and yet, it never happened.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Player You’ve Never Heard of and Probably Never Will”
…And the Winner Is: Jeff Bowen, Washington State Offensive Lineman. The criteria here was to find a guy on the consensus 10th place team that is a senior and listed 4th on the depth chart at his position. Hopefully, Jeff Bowen Googles his name someday and finds out about this prestigious award. Also, given that he is 100 lbs heavier than me at the same height, I would appreciate it if he has a sense of humor.

The Mike Stoops Award for “Biggest Douchebag”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Stoops, Arizona Head Coach. Congratulations, you just won your own award. I’d say the voting is rigged, but I think we can all agree, you earned it coach.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “Player Most Likely to Get Penalized”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremy Perry, Oregon State Guard. He wins for two reasons: (1) He’s an offensive lineman and those guys hold on every play and (2) He’s quoted on ESPN.com saying, “I’m nasty, even if the whistle blows, I guarantee I’ll get the last shove.”

The Mike Riley Award for “The First Month Doesn’t Really Matter Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Tie between Jake Locker (UW Quarterback) and Mark Sanchez (USC Quarterback). Both players have suffered injuries that could cause early season issues for their respective teams if they don’t come back healthy.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “Yeah, He Was Great When I Coached Him, But What About Now?”
…And the Winner Is: No, not Joey Harrington, Trent Dilfer, Kyle Boller, Akili Smith, AJ Feeley or Aaron Rodgers. The winner is Mitch Mustain, USC Quarterback. The hype is there for the heralded transfer from Arkansas. Will he deliver, especially if Mark Sanchez can’t go?

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Said That, But I’ll Go Ahead and Back It Up Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Carson Palmer, former USC and current Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback. All’s quiet among current players so far in 2008 so we turn to Palmer’s ill-advised diatribe against Ohio State. Sure, he’s right and his alma mater will back him up, but that doesn’t endear you to your current Ohio fan base.