FOTB: What do you think of the different kinds of pants the teams wear? Some have skinny stripes, some have huge stripes, some have slashing stripes.
OTP: Completely irrelevant. I don’t think I was prepared for this. I will say that the big splotchy look like Oregon had on their last uniform is really ugly. I like a nice thin stripe or all solid color.

FOTB: Why does Vandy have a star?
OTP: Crap. Uh, because they’re the Commodores and, uh,  a Commodore is like a sherrif… yeah.
FOTB: That’s your answer? Nice, I can’t wait to Google that.

Postscript: They are named after Cornelius Vanderbilt who made his money in shipping. Commodores is an homage to the fact that a Commodore is a Navy title. Whatever.

FOTB: Can you create your own characters?
OTP: Huh?
FOTB: Like linebackers and wide receivers and cornerbacks. Can you create your own?
OTP: I suppose so. A coach can create his own terminology for his system, kind of like how Oregon has a Rover position.
FOTB: What about left side righty?
OTP: First, no. Second, what?
FOTB: A guy who starts on the left and runs to his right.
OTP: So what, like a running back?
FOTB: Yeah, that’s the running back’s name now.
OTP: But he doesn’t always run that way.
FOTB: Well, wide receivers don’t always go wide, running backs don’t always run, kickers don’t always kick…
OTP: My silent thoughts: how can she make something so stupid actually seem logical?

FOTB: What do you think about having names on the back of the jersey?
OTP: For it. Only pretentious teams that think they’re better than everybody don’t have names on the back.
FOTB: What teams don’t have names on the jersey?
OTP: Probably USC, Notre Dame a couple teams you wouldn’t think of.
FOTB: Wanna’ know something? Both teams in this game don’t have names.
OTP: Ah! That’s a trick question. You trapped me!
FOTB: Just joking, only one team doesn’t have the name (she says this as the game comes back from commercial and immediately shows the back of a South Carolina jersey with name in full view).

FOTB: If you were a defensive end, what dirty thing would you do in the pile?
OTP: I think the logical thing is to grab the balls.
FOTB:What? I’d do a wet willy.
OTP: How?
FOTB: Through the ear hole!
OTP: But you’d get your finger caught in the helmet.
FOTB: It’s better than you grabbing the balls of a player. You want to molest people!

FOTB: Last question. What percentage of schools in the F-T double P-P…
OTP: The what?
FOTB: Whatever it is you called it (that would be the ridiculously named FBS)
FOTB: What percentage have their costume designs by Nike, Adidas and Under Armour? And does Reebok have any teams?
OTP: First, they are uniforms, not costumes.
FOTB: I know.
OTP: I don’t think any school has Under Armour.
FOTB: They do right there!!! (Indeed, South Carolina has Under Armour)
FOTB: Haha, you don’t know anything you bitch-ass! We’ve learned so much tonight, how much Nick does not know. That’s the blog title, right there.
OTP: I really didn’t think Under Armour did uniforms, but I’d say Adidas has about 1-2 schools per conference and the rest Nike.
OTP: Alright, I’m done. This is over.