1. USC (2-1)
Les Miles, LSU head coach (Coaches):

“What choice do I have? The Trojans never have to play tough teams in conference play. They sure as hell wouldn’t ever lose to one of those Pac-10 patsies so, duh, I put them first.”

2. Cal (3-1)
Oklahoma Sooners coach Bob Stoops (Coaches):

“Are you serious? Trust me when I say that just because Oregon wins a game, it doesn’t mean they really won, ok? I’m operating under the assumption Cal won and am voting them here.”

3. Oregon (3-1)
Eugene Register-Guard columnist George Schroeder (Harris):

“I was a columnist in Oklahoma back when the Sooners visited Autzen Stadium and I have to admit, Bob has a point. Still, at least I voted with sanity.” That you did, George.

4. Washington (2-1)
Pete Dawkins, Heisman Trophy winner at Army in 1958 – that’s right, Army in 1958 (Harris):

“Did I see that Stanford beat Washington? Well, yes I did, but Don James is an incredible coach and the Huskies seem to always end up in a Rose or Orange Bowl so I still think they’re better.”

5. Stanford (2-1)
Harvey Schiller, CEO GlobalOptions Group and President of the International Baseball Federation (Harris):

If I may cut in for a moment, can you tell us what the hell you’re doing voting in a college football poll?

“Well, I was SEC Commissioner about 20 years ago.”

Yeah?

“That’s all.”

Wow, ok then, uh, what’s up with Stanford?

“Well, as someone who has very little to do with college football, I relate to Stanford fans, you know? I mean, I have no idea what they’ve done so far and couldn’t tell you if they won or lost, so I think I really get what that program is all about.”

6. Oregon State (2-1)
Former Oregon State player Steve Preece (Harris):

“The thing is, as a color commentator for Beaver broadcasts, I’m completely impartial. We always improve as the season goes on. We’re still really good. We’ll bounce back. We probably would beat Arizona a month from now. We should be higher than them. We are great. We.”

7. Arizona (2-1)
Charlie Weiss, Notre Dame head coach (Coaches):

“Of course I saw the game damn game – excuse me, darn.”

But coach, you had a game at the same time.

“So what? I popped the tape in when I got home, sat down with a bucket of KFC and a side of cheesecake and watched the whole thing. Oregon State is better. Plain and simple. Do you have any popcorn?”

8. Arizona State (2-1)
John Toner, former Connecticut athletic director (Harris):

“As best I can tell, I haven’t had anything to do with college athletics since 1987. That’s about the last time Arizona State played a Pac-10 game so we just didn’t have anything to go on yet when voting on the Sun Devils. Frankly, I don’t even know why I have a vote in this thing.”

9. UCLA (3-0)
DeWayne Walker, New Mexico State head coach (coaches):

“If UCLA thinks Rick Neuheisel is a better choice than me, so be it. I’m not bitter. You tell me UCLA is 3-0 and that’s great, but for all I know they’ll finish 3-9. God knows Rick’s team was terrible last year. Who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

10.Washington State (1-3)
Clarkston Hines, former Duke player (Harris):

“Listen, I played at Duke. I know a bad team when I see one. This was an easy vote that even we couldn’t mess up.”

Full list of voters: Coaches | Harris

The AP Poll has Oregon 16th and the ESPNU Fan Poll slots Oregon 11th. When the Harris Poll comes out for the first time later today, there’s no doubt Oregon should get a fair ranking. But the coaches? I’ve seen Lou Holtz make more sense (only once though, let’s keep some perspective here).

I almost expected this to happen, but now that it has, I’m completely shocked. Let’s forget Cal for a second and play a little game called “Two Resumes.”

On logic found only in college football rankings, the Sooners are the eighth ranked team, Oregon 25th.

Oregon isn’t the only team the coaches are abusing. They have undefeated Iowa four spots lower than Penn State, Brigham Young 13 spots behind Oklahoma (which you can argue for), and Oklahoma State three spots ahead of undefeated Houston.

The best part is these people help decide who plays for a national title and the votes are completely concealed. Someone needs to file an injunction to get those things opened up. If they can’t vote responsibly, they shouldn’t be apart of deciding the fate of team’s post season destinations.