Something's wrong. I...I feel nothing.

The blog is drowning in apathetic sorrow over the boredom felt toward Oregon vs. Washington. But worry not, there are others who will deliver you a steaming pile of Dawg hate. Here’s the linkage…

• With Cameron Newton under investigation by the NCAA, LaMichael James Heisman campaign gets a boost. The blog got it’s joke in but, despite homerific tendencies, prefers to see Newton on the field. Auburn has known since July and no wrongdoing has actually been alleged toward the star quarterback.
• Of course, any potential downfall of another can be a reminder to keep your own house clean. Never mind the NCAA hypocrisy behind selling the crap out of jerseys featuring specific player numbers. A No. 21 jersey? Oh, that could be anyone. That’ll be $45.99 please.
• Addicted to Quack is stepping up and properly hating the Huskies. I’m too indifferent, but know some good hatin’ when I see it.
• Wow! Someone really went to a lot of trouble to hate the Huskies with an entire website devoted to the topic. I miss this rivalry.
• I feel like my Oregon fandom could be questioned right now so I dug through my archives to prove I have properly hated in the past. Here’s a post detailing how historically bad Washington is right now. And I’ll always have Jake Locker. There’s probably more, but I got bored again.
• Ken Goe has a nice piece on Kenjon Barner who clearly means more to this team than on-field performance.
• I should have linked this yesterday. Bud Withers, who used to cover the Ducks, tries to come to grips with No. 1 Oregon. He has some good stories from the days where any ranking would have been celebrated. The blog has always been foggy on pre-1994 years, but I’ve always said, 13 is the age your memory really starts to crystallize.
• What’s that the kids are using these days? SMH. Yeah, I’m SMH over this John Canzano piece about crazy Duck and Beaver fans. First thing I thought of was Lee “Hacksaw” Hamilton. “React to Me!” Okay, I did and it comes with a link. Journalism wins. For what it’s worth, I’ve probably gone trolling myself a few times, so I’m aware of the hypocrisy.
• Just about everybody is chiming in on the Oregon offense this week. Here’s another perspective. Ducks must have some good SEO mojo rolling right now.
• I like the idea of ending each link roundup on a video so let’s keep that going. It comes from the oregonsportsnet YouTube channel. I’m still trying to figure out what just happened but I was entertained.

If they keep losing, I keep doing the picture, simple as that. For God's sake, win 7 games and let us move on already!

When did the rivalry die for you? Was it 31-6? How about 55-34? 43-19? Oh, don’t tell me. You’re one of those people still insisting you despise the Huskies. Not silly-haha hate, but pure, unadulterated loathing that has your blood boiling at the mention of the color purple.

You probably like to kick dead kittens too, huh?

Wanna’ know how I came to the conclusion the rivalry is dead? I’ve spent the last four “Husky weeks” on this blog openly rooting for Washington to play better football.

That’s perverse, but what do you want from me? I miss launching urine bags at people wearing a malamute-adorned sweater. Doing it now just seems rude.

Don’t get me wrong. The rivalry is only dead in the sense your grass won’t grow in the middle of winter. The seed’s still there and the thing has the ability to sprout up faster than you can say “Ted Bundy was a Husky.”

It’ll never happen, though, unless Washington starts winning. No, not those 5-7 “we’re back” seasons. I’m talking about real winning, the kind that makes a Duck fan go into the game thinking, “We could lose today.” The Huskies haven’t been close to that since the redacted years of modern football history, 2002 and 2003.

We’ll go on joking about Jake Locker, laughing at the bad coaching and mocking general ineptitude that is so inept you’re almost impressed with the efficiency at which it operates.

And we’ll do it as long as we have to, Washington. We’re a patient bunch.

But don’t tell me it’s the same thing. It’s not 2000 when a top five Husky team went down at Autzen Stadium. It’s not 1994 when Kenny Wheaton scored. It’s not 1997 when Pat Johnson silenced Husky Stadium with a game-winning play so good, they just call it “The Catch.”

Plain and simple, it just ain’t the same. And so we go on, failing to belligerently berate old ladies in purple for another year. Woe is the rivalry.

FOTB Prediction: Black helmet, white jersey, black pants, black shoes. You can simulate this combination here. And it should be noted, Miss FOTB nailed it without  knowing the combo had already been reported.

The game without a name is back. Don’t believe me?

You must not have have heard, Washington is 3-4.

It’s time to rally the heroes of yesteryear. Someone call Steve Emtman. Send Don James a text. Twitter Napoleon Kaufman and Facebook Billy Joe Hobert. The legends of Montlake must know…the Huskies are back!

Scoff at 3-4 all you want, this is the new era of purple reign where moral victories get equal billing to bowl game triumphs. They almost beat LSU!

Epic home wins make a season. They beat USC!

Three wins indicates a resurgence. They can beat Oregon!

There’s only one problem with this comeback tour. On Saturday, one team is significantly better than the other and it ain’t the ones wearing the emasculating color.

We’re being told it’s a rivalry game in which anything can happen and that’s true. It’s been said that Washington is a much different team at home. Also factual. Some have noted this version of Husky football plays hard and always has a chance to win. It’s no lie.

FOTB's on fire. Two in a row.

The only problem I’m ultimately having with embracing this inevitable upset is the simple, tiny, irrelevant fact that Oregon’s football team is a lot better than Washington’s.

Watch the first half of the season and call me a liar. The Huskies are at the bottom of the conference in most offensive and defensive categories. They don’t defend the run well and Oregon just so happens to be really good at that. There’s no better crowd killer than a dominant running game.

The Huskies are fairly one dimensional on offense and against a good defense like Oregon’s, that’s not going to get it done. The Ducks have made a killing in games where they shut down the opposing running game and teed off on the quarterback.

Don’t get me wrong, here. This is going to be a close game. If LSU, USC and Arizona struggled at Husky Stadium, there’s no reason to suspect the Ducks will have it easy. Jake Locker has become a legitimate threat and if there’s a quarterback that can survive an anemic running game, he’s it. You also can’t discredit the desire the Huskies play with. Any team that competes as hard as they do is going to have a chance to win.

But none of it’s enough, not when the Ducks are this much better. On Saturday, a rivalry will be reborn, but Oregon’s dominance will continue.

Huskies are still losing, I'm still Photoshopping.

Labeled as “The Catch” in 1997, Patrick Johnson’s diving catch in the end zone gave Oregon back to back road wins in the series for the first time since 1935. This is a cool version that takes off of the NBA’s 2009 playoff theme (YouTube Credit: jtlight, I believe, of AddictedToQuack.com).

I’m a bit young for this one, but I’ve been conditioned over the years to know this 17-14 win in 1988 was due to Terry Obee’s late touchdown (YouTube Credit: jtlight again).

Oregon’s win over #6 Washington in 2000 lacked that defining play the others possess, but it deserves to stand up there as one of the biggest wins for Oregon over the course of the rivalry (YouTube Credit: keeerrrttt1, which is a user that apparently has a sticky keyboard).

Just for good measure, a smattering of plays from 2008 to serve as a reminder that this is the greatest period of Duck domination in the rivalry’s history even if it’s lacked any serious intrigue (YouTube Credit: duckuniverse).

• Last losing season prior to the current run: 1976
• Last consecutive losing seasons: 1973-74
• Years it took to achieve 5 total losing seasons before 2004-08: 36 (1968-2003)
• Since 1916, percentage of overall losing seasons the 2004-08 run has accounted for: 20.83%
• Previous long for consecutive losing seasons: 3, 1947-49
• Number of teams not named Oregon State to ever go an entire Pac-10 season (since 1978) without a conference win: 3 – Washington State in 1998, Cal in 2001 and Washington in 2004 and 2008
• Number of teams not named Oregon State to do it twice: 1 – Washington, 2004 and 2008
  Note: Oregon State is an entirely different story with 7 such seasons.
  
• Number of Pac-10 teams since the conference was expanded in 1978 to go an entire season without a win: 2 – Oregon State in 1980 and Washington in 2008.
  
• Until 2003 and 2008 when no Huskies were selected, last season that Washington didn’t have a player drafted to the NFL: 1960
• Last time Washington lost 5 consecutive games to Oregon: Never. The most was 4 straight from 1928-31.
• Last time Washington lost 6 consecutive games to Oregon: 2004-October 24, 2009 (call me clairvoyant)
• Chance my future kid will ever know the Huskies were any good: 2.54%
• Chance my grandpa knows the Huskies were good: 100%
  
• Number of times Kenny Wheaton’s interception in 1994 has been played on jumbotrons, laptops, desktops, ringtones, radio and television: 6,263,817,485 (It took exhaustive research, but this is an exact number)
• Ratio of obnoxious Husky fans to pleasant ones from 1977-2003: 234,089/.002
• Ratio of obnoxious Husky fans to pleasant ones from 2003-present: There’s a faint pulse on this number that doesn’t quite register, but it’s getting close to exploding again.
  
• Number of times I’ve now used this blog post: 2

Wow, that really was lazy. I didn’t even bother to change the jokes. Hey, give me a break, I have a real job, people!

There’s a problem, though. I forgot how to care. After all those years of Washington telling us it isn’t a rivalry, I might just agree.

The score since 2004 is 199-85, Oregon. The head-to-head tally is Oregon 5, Washington 0. The respective overall records are 41-21 and 12-47. Should we just drop it?

No, that would be wrong. I’m not ready to let go. For a week, I’m willing to pretend this thing continues to matter.

Washington’s 3-4 start guarantees that the Huskies still haven’t had a winning record in this game since 2000, but it’s enough to let the rivalry masquerade as something relevant again.

The Huskies are under new leadership and are playing games with renewed passion this season. They even beat USC. They claimed the greatest moral victory in the history of sport in the opening week against LSU. And did you see how close they came at ASU and Notre Dame? Sooooo close! Clearly, we have something building here.

So we can pretend.

We can pretend that the Huskies are again a threat to Oregon, that the domination of the past five years can be left to the history books and that the “Great White Sark” of the Puget Sound has this thing moving full steam ahead.

Hey, I’m rooting for it. It’s not like I enjoy feigning interest. I think the world’s a better place when Washington is good. I know I’ll have a lot of Duck fans scratching their head when reading that, but I think it’s fun. Remember 2000? Or 1997? ’95? ’94, anyone? Was that not more fun than anything the last five years has given us?

There’s a reason Oklahoma vs. Texas is such good theater and it’s not because one team is coming off an 0-12 season. Washington, I’m ready for your return.

Of course, at the moment, the Huskies are still trying to get their first winning season since 2002. They’re still trying to prove they’re anything more than a glorified bye week.

And all that leaves us for now is the world of make-believe. So for a week, Malamutes of Montlake, I’ll pretend our rivalry still matters. Please don’t disappoint.

But wait. Let’s think about this with a little more thought. Why are we all so sure Roper isn’t the guy?

He played well enough as a 5th string fill-in to get Oregon a Civil War win. He tied a Sun Bowl record for touchdown passes. He even ran for a score against OSU. One quarter into his start against Washington, the Ducks were up a quick 14 points. He was 7-11 passing. Yeah, he had a bad pick, but you try functioning with a concussion. He has unquestioned athleticism as a track and basketball star in high school. So what’s the problem?

It basically boils down to this: Dennis Dixon.

The former Heisman front-runner changed the way Duck fans view the quarterback position. You have to have escapability. You have to not just win, but electrify crowds from the 50 yard line of Autzen Stadium to people in the east still learning to say Or-eh-gun.

Unfortunately for Roper, when the infirmary filled up with quarterbacks in front of him, he became just another guy that couldn’t keep the magic of 2007 alive. He looked too much like Brady Leaf (tall and white). He couldn’t run the option with the same flare and effectiveness.

Masoli and Harper (and even Costa before his injury) are fresh faces. They had nothing to do with last season’s collapse. Therefore, they automatically are a better option going forward. After all, the next man up is always a fan’s best friend.

When I honestly look at what Roper’s done and put my biases aside, I can’t escape that fact that the sophomore has been pretty damn good. Perhaps Masoli does become the guy – and I’d be happy to see it – but I’m not ready to make that coronation.

At the beginning of this decade, you could call our game something of a big deal.

It had a guaranteed slot on ABC. Now, it’s slated for the dazzling telecast of Fox Sports in stunning low definition.  National media would call it one of the biggest rivalry games in the country. Did you know the game was played for more than a Northwest Championship trophy? Whoa, settle down, I’m not kidding. There was one year where you were #6 in the country when we played. Number 6! We beat you.

Now, I go onto your official website and you don’t even list your previous season’s results. Since when do the Huskies not care about tradition? All I wanted to know is if you have 6 wins since you reached that #6 ranking. Turns out you do, although it’s been five years since you last won more than three Pac-10 games in a season. Ouch.

I feel so indifferent these days. It’s like playing Stanford. It’s one of those weeks where you just kind of want to get your win and move on to something bigger. I’m excited to watch a game, but it just doesn’t feel all that special. I’ve even had to shelve my gameday routine. No more urine bag catapults. No more picking random fights with people wearing purple. No more swearing at 80 year old grandmas with the UDub across her chest. All that’s behind me. I’m not asking you to win on Saturday. I’m not even asking you to be competitive. A blowout would be fine.

Just promise me you’ll try and have a winning season, come back in 2009 and make me care again. Besides, I’m running out of room on your t-shirt. Even Photoshop has its limits. Good luck to you Huskies. Good luck.