With the generosity of everyone’s favorite one-time (current?) ESPN halftime sponsor, this year’s midseason report is again brought to you by Flomax. Of course, with the economy as it is, they were all out of sponsorship money and could only offer a box of rubber gloves. On with it.

The Can’t Miss Pac-10 Bowl Lineup

Let’s get the guesses out of the way early. The Pac-10 has had better years and only claimed one BCS spot, but if USC doesn’t win the conference and finishes with two losses, it’s hard to see them get excluded. That’s my rationalization of what is probably a bit (lot) of Pac-10 (and Oregon) homerism.

Like We’ve Always Said, the Pac-10 is All About Defense

It’s a pop quiz! I think I got all the answers right.

Which conference has more teams in the top 21 for total defense than any other league?

The Pac-10 has four teams in the top 25 for scoring defense and no teams in the top 27 for scoring offense. Explain what the that means to you in exactly 21 words.

I believe the Pac-10 has good defense and that is why more teams are better at scoring defense than scoring offense.

True or false. The Pac-10 has two of the country’s top 5 run defenses.

Complete this sentence: The blog that is best at using arbitrary ranges and selectively picking stats to bring home a point is Off The Pond.

Best Performance By a Fan in the One and Only Game Attended by this Blog

Guy on the left, obnoxious. Guy in the middle, unhappy.

I didn’t get around to a 2,000 word essay about my trip to UCLA, but somehow this guy has to be worked in. We got seats at the last minute in a nice row of the visitor section at the Rose Bowl. While the allotment was sold out, there were still a number of empty seats in the two rows below us just before a wide walkway that separates the upper and lower sections of the stadium. As the first half went along, more and more people started showing up in these seats. Shirtless men, frat-tastic students, greying crazies, they all found a spot. During the scoring outburst in the third quarter, all looked like they had about 12 too many Red Bulls at halftime (gotta’ love Duck fan’s enthusiasm). But one guy in particular stole the show. He used the walkway as his own personal platform.

With a perma-grin best described as shit-eating, he managed to annoy and entertain an entire section. He completely pissed off a guy the FOTB tells me was blind by harassing the man’s wife and got suitably yelled at for it. A little later, he miserably failed in a five minute, kneeling attempt to make the guy love him. At one point, he sat and stared at another lady’s burrito like it was the only food he’d seen in days. When security asked him to go back to his seat in another section, he disguised himself by turning his shirt inside out and wearing his hat forward. On and on it went and I was reminded why 50 inches and HD is a perfectly suitable substitute for regular attendance.

A League of Schizophrenics

At any given time, eight teams in the Pac-10 have been worthy of a national ranking. All eight have also been worthy of ESPN’s Bottom 10.

Washington Says “We’re Back”. Oregon says, “Not So Fast”

Which is the bigger comeback story this year, Stanford or Washington? I’d say the Huskies by virtue of their win over USC and their 0-12 record a year ago. But the fever pitch of Washington’s 3-3 start is so Oregon circa 1994. You know, cute little underdog thinking they’re one of the big boys now. Consider this my warning shot before the blog goes all “Husky Hate” next week.

Something in the Water of the Bay Area

I’m not sure what’s going on in Northern California, but Stanford and Cal both seem to share a propensity to lose a game just when you think there’s something building. Cal is becoming notorious for underachieving just as they start to, uh, achieve. Now, Stanford is showing flashes of the same trait. Losses to Wake Forest and Oregon State temper enthusiasm about a team that is probably good enough to be ranked, but seems to step on itself at the wrong times. I guess after a decade of bad football, Stanford would be happy with that assessment. Cal, not so much.

ESPN polled 85 FBS players from around the country for a feature in the next ESPN the Magazine. It can also be found online, but you’ll need a subscription to view it. There were a few interesting items in the article relating to the Pac-10 and Oregon.

1. The most overrated team in the nation according to those polled is Ohio State. I guess this doesn’t relate to the Pac-10, but it’s interesting because everyone knows it’s true and now we have more proof.
2. 75 percent would like to see a playoff system. However, the Pac-10 players polled were in a 60% agreement that the bowl system is fine. Huh? The Pac-10, recipients of some of the biggest BCS injustices, thinks everything is hunky-dory? Did they poll any players at Cal, USC, Oregon, or Washington (circa 2000, you know, when they actually had winning seasons).
3. From the, “this is really important department,” 81 percent of those polled notice cheerleaders. Their favorite? Oregon.
4. Even more important, BCS players say they get hit on an average of 6.6 times per week. In the Pac-10, it’s 10.2. There’s just more lovin’ on the west coast, I guess.
5. 49.4 percent say they have a gay teammate. In the Pac-10, though, that number was 70 percent. I’m guessing west coast attitudes are a little less naive and accepting of all lifestyles.

Welcome Pac-10 newcomers Steve Sarkisian and Chip Kelly. You are the new representatives at this award ceremony for 2009. We hope you are honored to have such a prestigious award in your name.

The Dennis Erickson Award for “What, I’m Still in the Same Place? Why?”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. It’s shocking that he came back. Everyone assumed he would enter the NFL draft as a surefire first round pick. Instead, he’s at USC for his senior year and figures to anchor a raw, but talented USC defense.

The Chip Kelly Award for “I’m Destined For Greatness, So Why is Everyone a Little Unsure?”
…And the winner is: Whichever quarterback starts for USC in its opening game. Two Trojan quarterbacks have won Heisman Trophies under Pete Carroll and every time they break in someone new, the doubters quickly subside. Still, until Aaron Corp or Matt Barkley prove it, it’s all guesswork.

The Pete Carroll Award for “How Many Times Do I Have to Say It? This is Where I Want To Be”
…And the winner is: Markus Wheaton, OSU WR. Yep, Wheaton is a Beaver. Duck fans probably still can’t believe the cousin of Kenny Wheaton would do such a thing. We’re still waiting to hear it was a joke. The Ducks now just have to hope Oregon State doesn’t get a program-defining moment from Kenny’s cousin.

The Steve Sarkisian Award for “We’re Going to Be Awesome Because I Said So”
…And the winner is: The Arizona Wildcats. Anyone else feel like Mike Stoops’ bunch has been the next coming of greatness in the conference for the last five years? All they have is a 6-6 regular season and a Las Vegas Bowl trophy to show for it. Sure, the honor could have been given to Washington, but it was ineligible to win its coach’s own award.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Hi, We’re Still Up Here. Hey, over here! Watch for us, We’re Going to Be Better. Ah, Screw It, We’re Terrible.”
…And the Winner Is: Kevin Prince, UCLA QB. Okay, that’s not fair to the redshirt freshman Prince and “terrible” is too strong of a word, but the point is that even though UCLA is moving on from a disastrous year at the quarterback position, they undoubtedly have more growing pains ahead.

The Mike Stoops Award for “I’m a Star. No, Really, Ignore the Mediocrity Because I’m a Star!”
…And the Winner Is: Jake Locker. Sorry, Saint Locker of the Seattleites. It’s not that I want to give you this award, it’s just that you’ve never done anything to justify all the hype your fans are heaping on you. Feel free to prove us wrong.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “We’re Coming For You No Matter How Ridiculous That Sounds”
…And the Winner Is: The Stanford Cardinal. Believe it or not, Stanford might be good this year. It’s even possible they creep into the top four teams in the conference. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Cardinal make a leap to a bowl game for this first time since 2001.

The Mike Riley Award for “What Else Do We Have to Do to Prove We’re Good?”
…And the Winner Is: The whole gosh-darned (tribute to Riley-speak) Pac-10. A 5-0 bowl record in 2008 and stellar records this decade against fellow BCS teams just isn’t enough. Distribution of your product to the masses matters and the Pac-10 is lacking a national audience. Just keep on winning, I guess.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “How Did We Go From Underdog to Overrated?”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremiah Masoli. As a fan of the Duck’s quarterback, it hurts to put him here, but it’s a natural fit. Masoli still has a lot to prove as his hype is riding on the back of a three game stretch to end 2008. He’ll need to put together a full season of strong play.

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “We’re Borderline Geniuses and Oh, Yeah, We Can Play Too”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Nixon, ASU LB. Let’s see, Nixon carries a 4.05 GPA in Political Science and was an Honorable Mention All-Conference player in 2008. And this year, he’s tabbed as a preseason first team player by many. Yeah, he kind of owns this category.

View past Coach’s Awards: 2008

The Tom Hansen era was all about what the Pac-10 couldn’t accomplish. The Larry Scott-led version of the conference is quickly becoming what is possible. The Seattle Times is reporting that a deal is close to being finalized to make the Alamo Bowl the Pac-10’s number two bowl which would demote the Holiday Bowl to the third slot (I originally found the story through Ted Miller on ESPN.com who attributed the report to the Seattle Times).

In some ways, it’s too bad. The Holiday Bowl is a great destination (take it from someone who lives in San Diego, it does not suck in December). Had they been willing to change their date and come up with more cash, it could have been a great number two. Now, Pac-10 fans will be getting to know a whole new destination in San Antonio, assuming the deal goes through.

It should take care of a major problem the conference previously faced. With only one game on or after Jan. 1, the Pac-10’s best teams were often out of the picture just as all the other conference’s elite were taking the field. The Alamo Bowl would be slotted for Jan. 2 and put the number two Pac-10 team in a more prime time slot.

The other issue that it hopefully addresses is the lack of even matchups. The Pac-10 often faces bowl teams ranked lower in the opposing conference. For example, the Holiday Bowl usually matched the Pac-10 #2 vs. the Big 12 #3 or #4. With the reported $3 million payout, perhaps the Pac-10 can get an even matchup and create more marquee bowl matchups. The fact that bowls such as the Sun, Emerald, Poinsettia and Las Vegas would be pushed down one spot also helps with prestige assuming all bowls remain contracted. At this point, it’s all speculation until new agreements are worked out and the dominoes are likely to spark significant changes.

Ultimately, the addition of the Alamo Bowl will be a great start to getting the Pac-10 more elite exposure. Now, about that TV deal.

When you go into hiding for the better part of a year, you should have something really poignant for your first post. Well, I don’t. Instead, I’m going with the tried and true prediction entry that I mostly loathe. Might as well get it out of the way and move on to better things. Besides, I’ve gone all homer and made a prediction that will pretty much leave me (1) profoundly sad when it doesn’t come true and (2) looking like an idiot for picking something that hasn’t happened since Lindsey Lohan still had a career. On with it.

1. Oregon. Listen, you can laugh at it, you can mock it, but I’m sticking with it. I don’t care. I know it’s ridiculous, but I’ve fallen in line every year with everyone else and put “USC at No. 1″ on auto-pilot. I’m not going to do it this year. I have my reasons and they sound a lot better when you consider I’m rooting for it. USC doesn’t have that championship feel this year. I think 2 losses and even 3 is possible. With all of the Ducks toughest conference games at home, it’s not improbable (sure, a little unlikely). In 2007…no, forget that. I’m not discussing it. You know what happened. So do I. There’s no reason to relive it. Let’s just say I feel confident about this Duck team, even with the question marks.
2. USC. It would be fun to drop them lower, but that would have put my IQ in a class that scientists would liken to brain damage. I don’t know if it’s the quarterback situation or the wholesale changes on defense, but the whole thing doesn’t feel right for the Trojans this year. I even think they’re going to get a battle from Ohio State. No, not really. I mean, come on, it’s Ohio State. Ultimately, USC has to travel to Oregon and to Cal. Throw in the typical sleeper game that bites them and the Trojans could finish a very mediocre 10-2 or 9-3.
3. Cal. It’s pretty much a consensus this year that Cal and Oregon are USC’s main challengers (which means one of these two teams will probably tank). The Golden Bears haven’t seemed like a top-tier team in a long time but it was just 1 1/2 seasons ago that they rose to #2 in the national polls. If Kevin Riley gives them any semblance of consistency at quarterback (well, good consistency), I like their chances of making a run at the number one spot. Remember, they have beat Oregon three straight times including at Autzen in the year that shall not be named.
4. Oregon State. Other than my risky homerism, I pretty much agree with the Pac-10 media that voted these four teams at the top. With the Beavers, I’m doing it more on reputation. Everyone has been burned so many times by predicting a letdown season that no one will dare doubt them now. My problem with them is I wonder about playmaking. Jacquizz Rodgers is legit, but he’s more of a workhorse and at his size, injuries are a concern. His brother James is capable of some big plays, but across the board, I don’t see star power on offense. I won’t doubt the defense. They’ve replaced players before with ease.
5. Stanford. This is the team I see making the leap this year. I’ve grown tired of waiting for Mike Stoops to rage his way into the top half of the conference. It’s not happening. the Cardinal had a great season last year, but couldn’t finish with the home stretch against Oregon, USC and Cal. I envision a 6-2 start for this team before they run into the same year-ending triumverate from a year ago. The season ender at home against Notre Dame could give them their first winning season since 2001.
6. Arizona State. This team is better than what they did a year ago. A six game losing streak just demoralized them. I’m not saying they bounce back and topple the best teams, but a bowl game should be in the cards for the Sun Devils.
7. Arizona. Like I said, I’m done with the Wildcats impending rise that has been predicted for about four years now. Making a bowl game for the first time this decade was a positive step, but come on, it was still 6-6. Are we supposed to be impressed by that? Do I still just not like Mike Stoops (or Bob Stoops or Mark Stoops or whatever other brother they can find)? Yeah, that probably has something to do with it.
8. UCLA. It’s a strange world when schools in Arizona and UCLA can’t get to the top half of the conference. They have weather, location, and everything else that attracts an 18 year old college kid. The Bruins figure to be in for another rough season. They have a tough schedule and there seems to be a huge lack of legit playmakers on the team.
9. Washington. Moving from 10th to 9th is upward mobility. That’s what the Steve Sarkisian era brings. The record is likely to improve by about three, maybe four games. A team on the rise. Here comes the Huskies. Bow down.
10. Washington State. I can go the route of being nice to the consensus last place team. Might as well considering the opposition is going to provide enough humiliation. I just can’t, though. This program is in an awful state. Cutting the 60 point opponent outbursts to two would be considered improvement. I can’t believe this has happened to a school that finished in the top ten three straight times earlier this decade.

The season is half over and given the bye week, it’s a good time to review. This look back is brought to you by Flomax  – Creating stronger streams since 1863.

BCS Conference Most Likely to Lose its Automatic Qualifier Status
The Big East is bad and the BCS has provisions to review conference eligibility as an automatic qualifier. Compare the Big East to teams in the Mountain West. Perhaps there are traditional teams with good east coast ties, but in terms of performance, I would bet on the Mountain West over the next few years.

Officiating Most Likely To Suck
The Pac-10. God, the officiating is awful. Awful, awful, awful. I’m so tired of it. The pass interference call in the end zone against Jairus Byrd that took away his interception and essentially gave UCLA a touchdown was one of the worst calls ever seen. Yeah, Oregon has benefited as well, but that’s not the point here. Anyone who is a fan of this conference should want more from the officials and the ones overseeing them.

Pac-10 Team With the Easiest Road to the Rose Bowl
Stop right there. Think before you answer. It’s Oregon State. Of the teams that control their own destiny, they are the only one that has a win over USC. Cal, Stanford and Arizona all still have to play the Trojans with only Oregon having that game out of the way.

Most likely BCS National Title Game
Penn State vs. USC as the Rose Bowl suffers a heart attack watching its affiliated members play for a national title in the Orange Bowl. Texas, Missouri, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, Kansas, and Oklahoma are going to eat each other alive in the nation’s best conference.

Most Overrated Conference
Hello SEC. I can acknowledge that my favorite conference is in a down year. I wish the SEC could see it for its true self. Here’s what happens every year. SEC teams get a nice, plush preseason ranking. They then play a bunch of garbage teams to pad records and get five teams in the top ten. They start to beat other throughout the season in constant top ten matchups that make the media swoon. Losing these games carries little penalty so dropping out of the top 25 rarely happens. Everyone ignores the obvious faults or takes half a season to see them (uh, Auburn) and eventually the surviving team makes the title game and gets to beat up on Ohio State. They are like every other major conference – a few good to great teams at the top and a bunch of other mediocre to awful teams.

Where are all the Pac-10 Quarterbacks?
They went east to Big 12 country. The conference of champions has a serious lack of quality quarterback play while the Big 12 is experiencing a boon unseen in conference history. The Oklahoma-Texas matchup was a classic Pac-10 game played under the guise of a Big 12 tilt. Missouri has the feel of a UCLA or Oregon with Nick Allioti running the defense. Oklahoma State, Kansas and Texas Tech all have quarterbacks that would compete for all-conference honors in other regions. It’s pretty obvious why the Big 12 is hands down the best conference in college football.

Best Guess at BCS Matchups
National Title Game
USC vs. Penn State
Note: SEC and Big 12 teams will falter against each other creating a default national title game

Orange Bowl
Pittsburgh (?) vs. Wake Forest (?)
Note: Yuck

Sugar Bowl
Alabama vs. BYU
Note: BYU is going to be an interesting opponent for whoever it faces

Fiesta Bowl
Notre Dame vs. Texas
Note: The Irish just have to finish above .500, right?  I actually think Boise State has a legitimate shot at this game. The likely scenario would have a team like Florida here with a Pac-10 or Big 12 runner-up in the Rose Bowl.

Rose Bowl
Should be: Oklahoma vs. Florida
Might be: Cal vs. Ohio State
Note: The Rose Bowl really wants the Pac-10 to play the Big Ten. It’s not right, but it might happen.

You may have heard that the Oregon-ASU clash will be seen by the mere 50,000 or so humans able to physically attend the game. The right reaction is, “that’s so stupid.”

The people running the conference of champions really screwed this thing up. Not just this game, but the whole damned TV contract. I’ll never understand how a network of stations that makes up Fox Sports Net was allowed to gain so much leverage over the conference. They can’t even manage to get an Oregon – UCLA matchup on my TV in San Diego. I had to go to a bar. Hello, I live in San Diego! It’s not exactly the far reaches of Delaware!

Let’s say for a moment that the Pac-10 cares about having fans. What will grow that and sustain it for the future? Are they just going to rely on the alumni for these universities to stay interested forever? What happens if Snickers decides no one can buy their candy bar unless they live near one of Mars Corporation’s eight U.S. manufacturing sites? Does that help sales? Probably not. I would assume that making the product available as widely as possible would be beneficial to cultivating fans (consumers).

“But Nick, they’re restricting availability to create more demand. Haven’t you heard of OPEC?” Yeah, that’s a great idea. There are 500 billion entertainment options. People can basically live in their niche worlds and be happy. If you take it away, the fringe people that you want to build into better customers will simply go away. I and the other wierdos that care too much will still be here, but we will never be enough.

“But Nick, they can’t let two Pac-10 broadcasts go on at the same time. It kills their ratings.” Well, it does create a problem in giving the scheduled game the national presence it wants. But Fox stations are already so regionalized that cities throughout the nation are getting more relevant content such as a local NHL or NBA game. When you let Fox have a contract to your games, you’re basically saying, let’s be regional! What’s the problem in letting a team’s market watch the game they want if the basic model of the station is to provide localized coverage? Yeah, the Pac-10 needs a better national presence to give it more credibility, but you don’t get that with Fox Sports Net. You knew that when you put pen to paper and signed your name. You want national exposure, talk to ESPN or, gulp, Versus (a whole other problem, not touching it).

I don’t need every game for free. That’s impossible for any fan of any sport. That’s why pay-per-view packages exist. Just let me pay to watch my team play football. I only get 12-13 chances in a 365 day year. I’m begging you, Pac-10, to take my money. Take it! Its yours! All you have to do is take it!

You do want it, don’t you?

Something happened on Thursday night in Corvallis. Yeah, yeah, Oregon State pulled the upset of #1 USC, I know. But something bigger happened. All those teams with their Mountain West losses and cross-country whoopings just got a new lease on life.

The national champion isn’t coming from the Pac-10 this season. The conference isn’t in the running for the stupid mythical title of best in the land. It’s pre-1998 all over again. 10 teams are playing for the Rose Bowl and it’s anyone’s to have. With the Trojans 0-1 in the conference, every single team not residing in the state of Washington – or being coached by someone famously associated with Washington – has a shot (ok, Stanford has no chance either, but they did beat mighty Oregon State). Oregon, ASU, Arizona and Cal all have one win against zero losses in conference play. USC is 0-1.

Nobody has to fear the Trojans. We can end the ridiculous notion that it’s the Pac-10 and the nine dwarfs. USC has been beaten five times now in their last 15 Pac-10 games. They have shared the last two conference titles. Perhaps you need an energetic crowd and the bright lights of national TV to beat the Trojans. Perhaps they will run the table from here. But who cares about what they might do? What matters is they are vulnerable and the conference title is up for grabs.

Go ahead and bemoan the fate of your favorite conference. We’re irrelevant this year. It happens. Losing to New Mexico, UNLV, Baylor, and Boise State ain’t pretty, but it means nothing if you just put the blinders on and point to Pasadena.

I haven’t missed her, but I know you did, so let’s welcome back the newly-named FOTB (WOTB still a work in progress). Stepping out of the normal Thursday night routine, we sat down and watched some Pac-10 dominance of the SEC (hey, OT wins are dominance when the winning team is without 96.3% of its starting lineup). Pretty much what follows is useless and a complete dressing down of my entire being, so enjoy.

FOTB: If Tennessee loses, we jump a spot, right?
OTP: What are they ranked?
FOTB: 18th. How do you not know that? You used to know stuff.
OTP: I know stuff.
FOTB: Not like you used to. In college, you knew everything.
OTP: I never knew the entire top 25 and the exact ranking of every team.
FOTB: Yes you did.
OTP: There’s no way.
FOTB: Look, the 18 has been next to their name the entire game. How could you not know that?
OTP: I just wasn’t paying attention to it.

FOTB: I think you need to do football camp training before the season starts.
OTP: That’s BS. I know plenty of stuff. I just didn’t know one team’s ranking.
FOTB: You don’t know anything.
OTP: I know plenty.

(We’ve tried doing an FOTB a couple times now and had some previous discussions that went nowhere)

FOTB: Earlier, you didn’t know if refs went to training camp.
OTP: I’m sure they have some sort of preseason training.
FOTB: But you didn’t know.
OTP: I know a lot of stuff, your questions are just ridiculous.
FOTB: I’ll ask you another and you won’t answer it.
OTP: What?
FOTB: I don’t have one yet.

(After a long pause, the blimp shot shows the Rose Bowl from above)

FOTB: What does our end zone say?
OTP: Pause…Oregon…pause…yeah, Oregon on both ends.
FOTB: hahaha.
OTP: I answered.
FOTB: Yeah, but you paused.
OTP: Only to make sure I got it right so you’d shut up.
FOTB: You should just know.
OTP: I did.

OTP: Whatever, we keep trying to do this blog and you’ve never given me any predictions or anything else.
FOTB: I told you our kicker was bad and needs to shave his porn ’stache. That was my analysis.

(Back to the game)

FOTB: What’s their mascot? I know it’s the Volunteers but what is the mascot?
OTP: I think it’s a hound dog or something like that. Actually, I really don’t know.
FOTB:Of course not, why would I ask you?

OTP: I thought I asked the questions for this.
FOTB: Hey, I just watch the game and have questions,
OTP: I’ll tell you what, Thursday night, you ask the questions, I’ll answer everything. You just prepare some questions.
FOTB: No, if I prepare, you’ll never get anything right. I’ll find the most obscure facts.
OTP: I’ll bring my A game.
FOTB: You have no A game.
OTP: It’s on.

Epilogue…about an hour later as I write this
OTP: Ooohho!! What is that motherf—–? (Yeah, that’s what I really said). http://smokeys-trail.com/TN/traditions.html

As I show my screen…

OTP: That’s a hound dog. I know my shit!
FOTB: (Smiles). You don’t know jack (she’s too busy watching One Tree Hill to care at this point).

Because pre-season awards are every bit as important as pre-season rankings, it’s time to unveil my 1st Annual Pre-Season Coaches Awards, each named in honor of a Pac-10 coach.

The Dennis Erickson Award for “It’s Been Fun, But it’s Time to Move On”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. An overwhelming consensus first-round pick by every useless mock draft the internet has to offer, the junior is a season away from becoming an early entrant to the 2009 NFL Draft.

The Mike Bellotti Award for “If the Game Was Only 61 Minutes Long, I Would Have Won”
…And the winner is: Kevin Riley, Cal Quarterback. Some advice for you this year, Kevin: spike the ball, call a timeout, or run out of bounds.

The Pete Carroll Award for “I Don’t Care If You’re Good, I Just Don’t Like You”
…And the winner is: Rudy Carpenter, Arizona State Quarterback. I don’t feel like I should have to explain this. Actually, I’m not even sure if I can. I just don’t like him.

The Tyrone Willingham Award for “I Looked A Lot Better When I First Got Onto Campus”
…And the winner is: Ben Olson, UCLA Quarterback. He’s injured. Again. As a former “5-Star Recruit,” big things were expected and yet, it never happened.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Player You’ve Never Heard of and Probably Never Will”
…And the Winner Is: Jeff Bowen, Washington State Offensive Lineman. The criteria here was to find a guy on the consensus 10th place team that is a senior and listed 4th on the depth chart at his position. Hopefully, Jeff Bowen Googles his name someday and finds out about this prestigious award. Also, given that he is 100 lbs heavier than me at the same height, I would appreciate it if he has a sense of humor.

The Mike Stoops Award for “Biggest Douchebag”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Stoops, Arizona Head Coach. Congratulations, you just won your own award. I’d say the voting is rigged, but I think we can all agree, you earned it coach.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “Player Most Likely to Get Penalized”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremy Perry, Oregon State Guard. He wins for two reasons: (1) He’s an offensive lineman and those guys hold on every play and (2) He’s quoted on ESPN.com saying, “I’m nasty, even if the whistle blows, I guarantee I’ll get the last shove.”

The Mike Riley Award for “The First Month Doesn’t Really Matter Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Tie between Jake Locker (UW Quarterback) and Mark Sanchez (USC Quarterback). Both players have suffered injuries that could cause early season issues for their respective teams if they don’t come back healthy.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “Yeah, He Was Great When I Coached Him, But What About Now?”
…And the Winner Is: No, not Joey Harrington, Trent Dilfer, Kyle Boller, Akili Smith, AJ Feeley or Aaron Rodgers. The winner is Mitch Mustain, USC Quarterback. The hype is there for the heralded transfer from Arkansas. Will he deliver, especially if Mark Sanchez can’t go?

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Said That, But I’ll Go Ahead and Back It Up Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Carson Palmer, former USC and current Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback. All’s quiet among current players so far in 2008 so we turn to Palmer’s ill-advised diatribe against Ohio State. Sure, he’s right and his alma mater will back him up, but that doesn’t endear you to your current Ohio fan base.