The Pac-10 is messy. Very, very messy. Not even Bounty (you know the quilted quicker picker upper) could handle this filthy, disgusting mess. Fortunately, Oregon is bringing clarity to it all with its astounding dominance, but in an attempt to provide motivation through my overly important blogging, they have to settle for second.

1. USC (4-1, 2-1)
I made a decision to leave USC number one so long as they and Oregon remain with one loss each heading into the Halloween showdown. Coach Kelly, remember to collect this “chip” for your team’s shoulder ala Cougar head man Paul Wulff. You can thank me later for the inspiration.

2. Oregon (5-1, 3-0)
The Ducks are good and probably playing the best of anyone in the conference. But don’t forget Oregon, USC is still ranked ahead of you in every poll.

3. Oregon State (4-2, 2-1)
And just like that, with the simple flip of a calendar month, Oregon State is winning again. No one should be surprised at this point, but it gets me every year. An argument could still be made for Stanford, but their extra win against Washington State doesn’t really mean anything.

4. Stanford (4-2, 3-1)
Stanford, you let me down. I believed in you. Whatever that was you did at Oregon State, don’t do it again. You can still be a top four team.

5. Washington (3-2, 2-1)
Nothing about the Husky’s season surprises me including the ridiculous turn of events that led to them pulling a win out of a sure loss against Arizona. Let’s face it, October 24 is a spooky Halloween prelude for the Ducks.

6. Arizona (3-2, 1-1)
Typical Wildcats. You keep thinking they are finally living up to the paper victories on the recruiting trail and they always disappoint.

7. California (3-2, 0-2)
A bye week can be a wonderful thing in that other teams have an opportunity to display enough ineptitude to lift your own perception by default. In person, UCLA looked bad. On paper, so did ASU. So Cal, you get a bump.

8. UCLA (3-2, 0-2)
Rick Neuheisel, just as he did a year ago in a brutal home loss to Oregon State, took the mic after losing to Oregon and apologized to the home fans while imp0loring them to stick it out. I got over the Neuheisel hatred a long time ago, so I’m not sure I really care one way or the other about his current predicament. What I do know is that Oregon’s defense had a lot more to do with the Bruins ineptitude than L.A. folk are giving credit for.

9. Arizona State (3-2, 1-1)
The Sun Devils have a winning record which is about all the good you can afford to say on a day when they only managed a 13 point win against Washington State. Add that Georgia got clobbered by Tennessee and the close road loss to the Bulldogs doesn’t even seem that impressive.

10.Washington State (1-5, 0-4)
One the one hand, losing by only 13 at home could be considered a moral victory. On the other, the 27-14 score convinces me that the opponent, Arizona State, isn’t very good.

Welcome to Game Day. For the many of you who haven’t watched a live Oregon game on TV since the trip to Boise, trust me, the view via plasma has become a lot better since then. You’ll enjoy.

As for me, I’m giving that nice couch groove some time off and am probably figuring out a way to enjoy beer before noon at the Rose Bowl as you read this. Here’s a select look at the week that was in links with a thanking nod to Duck Sports News for its daily collection of news.

• Ted Miller had a superb mailbag on Friday. He has a great response to the thought that LeGarrette Blount’s reinstatement had anything to do with the presence of a lawyer. There’s also a well-reasoned take on why an 11-1 Oregon would be higher ranked than 12-0 Boise. I know, pie in the sky stuff, but something I was thinking about addressing during the bye week.
• sportsBYbrooks wonders about Oregon’s “laundering” of Blount with big names like Tony Dungy and Dr. Harry Edwards. At this point, if you commit a very public crime, wouldn’t your first call be to Dungy?I’m kicking myself for not writing about this.
• Ken Woody, who’s always worth a read, tackles the Autzen Mystique. There’s science, human opinion, stats and a few shades of homerism. In other words, all the elements for a great post.
• Jeff Smith formally introduced us to Nate Costa and after reading, you have to feel at least a little more confident that Nate can handle the moment this weekend.
• Not a link because I wouldn’t even know who to credit, but the biggest news of the week was the ongoing saga of Oregon’s injury situation. Chip Kelly remained tight-lipped and even seemed a little, pardon the pun, chippy. I’m thinking he’ll need to relax a little bit over the long-haul in laid back Eugene.
• I actually linked to this yesterday, but it’s worth repeating. Paul Wulff said he was miffed at Chip Kelly’s defensive challenge to preserve the shutout last Saturday. He also says he’s collecting chips on his shoulder to pay back someday. Something tells me Chip isn’t shaking over Wulff’s “chips.”
• Finally, on the recruiting front, the Ducks picked up a marquee offensive lineman from Arizona named Nick Rowland. He’s listed as one of the top players in the country at his position by multiple scouting services.

I just can’t put two weeks of football prognosticating together. I barely got above .500 thanks to some questionable refereeing at Notre Dame (and before Touchdown Jesus no less).

It’s a light week of competition with three teams resting easy.

Oregon @ UCLA
Finally, the Ducks are back on the road. Along with injury problems, it makes for a dicier game than originally anticipated. Still, the Bruins are still rebuilding the program under Rick Neuheisel and aren’t there yet (how did I let a whole week go by without addressing Neuheisel? Must be getting soft).

The Pick: Oregon

Arizona State @ Washington State
Paul Wulff is apparently all butt-hurt over Chip Kelly challenging Washington State’s only touchdown last weekend. He says he’s been collecting “chips” on his shoulder for the future. How quickly can that “chip” could make up for a 115-23 combined two year deficit?

The Pick: Arizona State

Stanford @ Oregon State

Beaver fans rejoice, I am picking against you. I’ve made the wrong pick for three straight weeks and for your sake, I hope the trend continues. Stanford, if it’s a legitimate threat to win the conference, should win this game. But something tells me they won’t. Nonetheless, as a gift to Beaver Nation, go Cardinal!

The Pick: Stanford

Arizona @ Washington
Well Huskies, you want to get rid of that consecutive losing seasons streak, right? If so, this is the kind of game you have to win. I think you will. Home is a lovely place and the Sark-fueled resurgence gets back to .500.

The Pick: Washington

Week 2 is in the books. Once again, I dug deep and chased down some sources for the added perspective.

1. USC (2-0)
Why: I promised they’d be on top with a win at Ohio State. No team has proven more than they have and for the rest of the season, they stay here until someone beats them. I’m not as sold on Matt Barkley as an easily impressed media, though. That final drive was Joe McKnight. Give credit to Barkley for not losing the game, but I don’t think USC’s offense is necessarily championship caliber until he gets more experience.
Every college football fan in this country: @&%#, I thought this was a down year!!

2. UCLA (2-0)
Why: My rankings are result-based from the season at hand. Cal has looked great, but they haven’t proven anything other than that they can beat bad teams. UCLA won on the road at Tennessee and I would think of all fans, Cal can see why that’s impressive.
Quarterback Kevin Craft: “Coach, can I go back in now? Kevin (Prince) is hurt. I swear I’ll only throw two picks if you let me play. Please? Coach Neuheisel: Yeeeeaaaah, no. No, definitely not.

3. Cal (2-0)
Why: The Maryland win has less of a shine after the Terrapins nearly lost to James Madison. Beating Eastern Washington means nothing. Basically, they haven’t proven anything yet, but that’s not their fault. In my eyes, they are a legitimate challenger to USC.
Offensive Coordinator Andy Ludwig: “We’re averaging 55.5 points a game. I think I’ve proven I’m good at my job.” Us: “Oregon scored 50 points one time in your three years. What you did to our offense was a crime. You should be behind bars.”

4. Oregon State (2-0)
Why: The Beavers need to send giant gift baskets to all interested parties in that 3rd and 26 play on their game-winning drive. Without the pass interference penalty, they are probably answering questions about why they can’t win non-conference road games (I guess that wasn’t really a reason why they are 4th. Oh well.).
UNLV DB Deante Purvis: “You’re welcome. Please send the check in care of my bookie.”

5. Arizona (2-0)
Why: Well, looks like that win against Central Michigan was fairly impressive now that we’ve seen the Chippewas beat Michigan State.
AP Poll Voters: “We’re paying attention. Win at Iowa and we’ll consider it. It’s just that we haven’t seen you in, like, 11 years, so you’ll just have to be patient.”

6. Oregon (1-1)
Why: That was a tough ten days. There’s still a lot to figure out with this team, but after the opener, any win is a good win.
Oregon Fans: “Uh, well, hmmm, I, uh, yeah.”

7. Stanford (1-1)
Why: Oh Stanford, what happened? You’re my sleeper team this year. I believe in you, but come on. You let one get away and you know it. And don’t give me the 9 am PST start time.  You lost that thing in the second half.
Coach Jim Harbaugh: “Would somebody please show me this clipping penalty? I haven’t been able to find it.”

8. Arizona State (1-0)
Why: They’ve played one game and beat an FCS opponent. They travel to Georgia in two weeks and unless someone above them does something awful, they’ll stay in the bottom three until then.
Louisiana-Monroe: “We’re someone. Didn’t you see our 58-0 win over Texas Southern?” Me: “No, did anyone?”

9. Washington
Why: Because they won! They won! Oh, yes, they won!
Washington Fans: “We’re back, baby! Woof!” The rest of us: “Calm down Rufus. You beat Idaho.”

10. Washington State
Why: Sorry Cougs. The Huskies finally won a game and you are bad. Really bad. Paul Wulff…not a good choice.
Washington State fans: “We know, Nick. It’s kind of obvious so could you just stop rubbing it in?”

Welcome Pac-10 newcomers Steve Sarkisian and Chip Kelly. You are the new representatives at this award ceremony for 2009. We hope you are honored to have such a prestigious award in your name.

The Dennis Erickson Award for “What, I’m Still in the Same Place? Why?”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. It’s shocking that he came back. Everyone assumed he would enter the NFL draft as a surefire first round pick. Instead, he’s at USC for his senior year and figures to anchor a raw, but talented USC defense.

The Chip Kelly Award for “I’m Destined For Greatness, So Why is Everyone a Little Unsure?”
…And the winner is: Whichever quarterback starts for USC in its opening game. Two Trojan quarterbacks have won Heisman Trophies under Pete Carroll and every time they break in someone new, the doubters quickly subside. Still, until Aaron Corp or Matt Barkley prove it, it’s all guesswork.

The Pete Carroll Award for “How Many Times Do I Have to Say It? This is Where I Want To Be”
…And the winner is: Markus Wheaton, OSU WR. Yep, Wheaton is a Beaver. Duck fans probably still can’t believe the cousin of Kenny Wheaton would do such a thing. We’re still waiting to hear it was a joke. The Ducks now just have to hope Oregon State doesn’t get a program-defining moment from Kenny’s cousin.

The Steve Sarkisian Award for “We’re Going to Be Awesome Because I Said So”
…And the winner is: The Arizona Wildcats. Anyone else feel like Mike Stoops’ bunch has been the next coming of greatness in the conference for the last five years? All they have is a 6-6 regular season and a Las Vegas Bowl trophy to show for it. Sure, the honor could have been given to Washington, but it was ineligible to win its coach’s own award.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Hi, We’re Still Up Here. Hey, over here! Watch for us, We’re Going to Be Better. Ah, Screw It, We’re Terrible.”
…And the Winner Is: Kevin Prince, UCLA QB. Okay, that’s not fair to the redshirt freshman Prince and “terrible” is too strong of a word, but the point is that even though UCLA is moving on from a disastrous year at the quarterback position, they undoubtedly have more growing pains ahead.

The Mike Stoops Award for “I’m a Star. No, Really, Ignore the Mediocrity Because I’m a Star!”
…And the Winner Is: Jake Locker. Sorry, Saint Locker of the Seattleites. It’s not that I want to give you this award, it’s just that you’ve never done anything to justify all the hype your fans are heaping on you. Feel free to prove us wrong.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “We’re Coming For You No Matter How Ridiculous That Sounds”
…And the Winner Is: The Stanford Cardinal. Believe it or not, Stanford might be good this year. It’s even possible they creep into the top four teams in the conference. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Cardinal make a leap to a bowl game for this first time since 2001.

The Mike Riley Award for “What Else Do We Have to Do to Prove We’re Good?”
…And the Winner Is: The whole gosh-darned (tribute to Riley-speak) Pac-10. A 5-0 bowl record in 2008 and stellar records this decade against fellow BCS teams just isn’t enough. Distribution of your product to the masses matters and the Pac-10 is lacking a national audience. Just keep on winning, I guess.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “How Did We Go From Underdog to Overrated?”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremiah Masoli. As a fan of the Duck’s quarterback, it hurts to put him here, but it’s a natural fit. Masoli still has a lot to prove as his hype is riding on the back of a three game stretch to end 2008. He’ll need to put together a full season of strong play.

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “We’re Borderline Geniuses and Oh, Yeah, We Can Play Too”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Nixon, ASU LB. Let’s see, Nixon carries a 4.05 GPA in Political Science and was an Honorable Mention All-Conference player in 2008. And this year, he’s tabbed as a preseason first team player by many. Yeah, he kind of owns this category.

View past Coach’s Awards: 2008

Because pre-season awards are every bit as important as pre-season rankings, it’s time to unveil my 1st Annual Pre-Season Coaches Awards, each named in honor of a Pac-10 coach.

The Dennis Erickson Award for “It’s Been Fun, But it’s Time to Move On”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. An overwhelming consensus first-round pick by every useless mock draft the internet has to offer, the junior is a season away from becoming an early entrant to the 2009 NFL Draft.

The Mike Bellotti Award for “If the Game Was Only 61 Minutes Long, I Would Have Won”
…And the winner is: Kevin Riley, Cal Quarterback. Some advice for you this year, Kevin: spike the ball, call a timeout, or run out of bounds.

The Pete Carroll Award for “I Don’t Care If You’re Good, I Just Don’t Like You”
…And the winner is: Rudy Carpenter, Arizona State Quarterback. I don’t feel like I should have to explain this. Actually, I’m not even sure if I can. I just don’t like him.

The Tyrone Willingham Award for “I Looked A Lot Better When I First Got Onto Campus”
…And the winner is: Ben Olson, UCLA Quarterback. He’s injured. Again. As a former “5-Star Recruit,” big things were expected and yet, it never happened.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Player You’ve Never Heard of and Probably Never Will”
…And the Winner Is: Jeff Bowen, Washington State Offensive Lineman. The criteria here was to find a guy on the consensus 10th place team that is a senior and listed 4th on the depth chart at his position. Hopefully, Jeff Bowen Googles his name someday and finds out about this prestigious award. Also, given that he is 100 lbs heavier than me at the same height, I would appreciate it if he has a sense of humor.

The Mike Stoops Award for “Biggest Douchebag”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Stoops, Arizona Head Coach. Congratulations, you just won your own award. I’d say the voting is rigged, but I think we can all agree, you earned it coach.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “Player Most Likely to Get Penalized”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremy Perry, Oregon State Guard. He wins for two reasons: (1) He’s an offensive lineman and those guys hold on every play and (2) He’s quoted on ESPN.com saying, “I’m nasty, even if the whistle blows, I guarantee I’ll get the last shove.”

The Mike Riley Award for “The First Month Doesn’t Really Matter Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Tie between Jake Locker (UW Quarterback) and Mark Sanchez (USC Quarterback). Both players have suffered injuries that could cause early season issues for their respective teams if they don’t come back healthy.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “Yeah, He Was Great When I Coached Him, But What About Now?”
…And the Winner Is: No, not Joey Harrington, Trent Dilfer, Kyle Boller, Akili Smith, AJ Feeley or Aaron Rodgers. The winner is Mitch Mustain, USC Quarterback. The hype is there for the heralded transfer from Arkansas. Will he deliver, especially if Mark Sanchez can’t go?

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Said That, But I’ll Go Ahead and Back It Up Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Carson Palmer, former USC and current Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback. All’s quiet among current players so far in 2008 so we turn to Palmer’s ill-advised diatribe against Ohio State. Sure, he’s right and his alma mater will back him up, but that doesn’t endear you to your current Ohio fan base.

You can’t have a blog, run a website, post in forums or basically breathe oxygen without at some point sitting down and doing your pre-season predictions. As such, I might as well do mine. But before I get to that, I’d like to remind you that I did get 1 out of 10 exactly right in 2007 so you can pretty much go straight to Vegas (or your favorite off-shore betting website, ahem) with the following:

1. USC
What can I say, I like to live dangerously. If anyone picks any other team here, they should apply for a job on ESPN. I’m not saying the network employs an overwhelming number of people who say stuff they don’t mean for attention, it’s just…no, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Just pick USC and get on with it.

2. Oregon
“Hey, homer! Nice pick!” Thank you, whoever just said that. I do think it’s a nice pick. Look, tell me which team in the Pac-10 you feel absolutely, positively comfortable declaring is the second best team behind USC. Arizona State? Cal? Oregon State? Given this uncertainty I feel, I’m going with the homer pick. The secondary has three sure-fire NFL guys starting and the offense is a quarterback away from being dominant again. They have five guys to choose from, so whoever becomes the starter has to be great. I mean, that’s how the lottery works – you buy five tickets instead of one and your chances of winning are 500% better. It’s just math, people.

3. Arizona State
I’m just not sold on ASU as a great team. Everyone got all excited over their 8-0 start last year, but only one of those 8 teams finished with a winning record in their respective conference. And that one team – Oregon State – is notoriously bad in September. Eventually, they lost easily to Oregon, USC and Texas. Maybe year two of the Dennis Erickson experiment, otherwise known as the “time to look for a new job phase,” will see them elevate to another level but I don’t think so.

4. Oregon State
Yeah, I said it. Oregon State. I was going to do this whole hate rivalry thing and put them last, but then I realized they’re not actually that hated. Hey, don’t blame me. Ted Miller wrote it. Or should I say, didn’t write it. Do I actually believe Oregon State is the fourth best team in the conference? No, not really, but they have been consistently finishing in the top half of the conference lately, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to have to listen to my dad bitch about getting no respect.

5. Cal
I’m giving the Bears the benefit of the doubt here, simply because they’ve earned it under Jeff Tedford. Last year is an anomaly in his tenure and you have to imagine they will bounce back. Plus, when previewing the Oregon-Cal game last year, I learned that Jack Bauer got his degree at Berkeley. There’s no way you bet against Jack Bauer, especially when he hasn’t saved the world in two years.

6. UCLA
Yep, it’s Slick Rick, Norm Chow and Dwayne Washington, the three greatest coaches that ever lived, the saviors of Westwood, the end of the USC dynasty. Yep, it’s all of that. I need to stop listening to LA radio.

7. Arizona
Not going to do it – not this year. Picking Arizona to have a good season is like waiting for Kevin Costner to make another good movie. Whoops, I’m not supposed to say that about Oregon’s newest baseball fan. Seriously, if your leader is capable of getting a 15 yard penalty that proved costly in a two point loss to New Mexico, you might have a volatile, irritable, whiny, obnoxious, annoying, pouting, crying Stoops brother for a head coach.

8. Stanford
Three wins last year was the first real miracle we’ve seen since baby Jesus. That stunt they pulled at USC was unspeakable. I still don’t know much about them, can’t name a player other than Tavita Pritchard, and still have never met a Stanford football fan, but dammit, they are better than anything in the state of Washington.

9. Washington
I continue to be saddened by the demise of this program. I may be the only Duck fan to say that, but football was just more fun when they mattered. Saint Locker of the Seattleites is going to try his hardest to lead them back, but unfortunately, he still doesn’t know how to throw a football – truly unfortunate when he’s your quarterback.

10. Washington State
Alphabetically and for lack of talent, the Cougars come in last. There is literally nothing to be excited about with this team and I’m as sure that they will finish last as I am that you have no idea who Paul Wulff is.

Note: The FOTB makes her debut with picks sometime this week.