I asked Oregon to assist with SearchBag this week, but they were busy preparing. USC was the backup plan and they were more than happy to help. Really appreciate it, guys.

• matt barkley tweet oregon (Google Search in West Covina, CA)

Word for word, it was: “Wow, Brock just got rocked. Lesnar is to Oregon
as Velasquez is to SC. Lezgo.”

• rt chip kelly usc (Google Search in Stanford, CA)

No one from USC could find a retweet from Kelly. That’s because he’s not on Twitter. But if he was…

• matt barkley tried to delete tweet (Google Search in Minot, ND)

Backup QB Mitch Mustain: Okay, this is off the record, but I thought it was kind of a bitch move. Seriously, either say it or don’t.

• oregon response to matt barkley tweet (Google Search in Clarcona, FL)

Mustain again: Don’t tell anyone I said this either, but I saw this one post on an Oregon blog where it had coach Kiffin and Golden Boy role-playing how the tweet happened. Total LULZ. I was like, ROFLMAO for an hour. And now every time you search “matt barkley twitter” it shows up. Genius!

(Please, please let him get hurt. I want to play!)

• finding alternate ways of saying the same thing (Google Search in Edison, NJ)

Matt Barkley: I was just hangin’ at the mall with my boyz and it hit me! Old Navy is to Oregon as Abercrombie is to SC!

OTP: Is Abercrombie better than Old Navy?

Barkley: Are you making a joke?

• face expression (Google Search in Samarinda, Kalimantan Timur)

USC Fans: We keep having this dream and in it, all we see is this:

• what is duck football (Google Search in Kent, WA)

Defensive tackle Jurrell Casey: No clue. Is it some sort of bath toy?

• facts about oregon ducks (Google Search in Beaumont, Texas)

USC wide receiver Ronald Johnson: FACT. They ain’t never seen it like this before. We ’bout to show them Hollywood, baby! FACT.

• “they have decent athletes” (Google Search in Portland, OR)

Head coach Lane Kiffin: First off, tell coach Kelly it takes way longer than 45 seconds to add up the stars. I’ve been doing this all day. I’m still not done and you’re pressing me to meet deadline. I’m over here freaking out. Meanwhile, I have no idea how to beat Oregon. This is pointless!

• the most innovative football coach (Google Search in London, England)

Defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin: Oh that’s me by far! Consider what I did this week.

1. Ordered Life Alert from one of those infomercials.
2. Watched 60 Minutes in less than an hour.
3. Caught Jay Leno every night. (Side note: he’s hilarious!)
4. Filled in at my wife’s bridge club.
5. Designed an entirely brand new defense to face Oregon.

Find me another coach who can do all that and still has time to make up a whole new defense. You can’t!

• usc & duck football (Google Search in La Jolla, CA)

Former head coach Pete Carroll: You know what I think? You wanna’ know what I think of that gimmick spread offense crap? Do you really wanna’ know what I think of the team that ran me out of the Pac-10?

• cliff harris facts (Google Search in Eugene, OR)

Safety and former high school teammate T.J. McDonald: Here’s a fact. I’m better than Cliff Harris. Always have been. If he’s the cheese on top of the nachos, I’d have to be, like, jalapenos or something. Nah, scratch that one. If they’re calling Cliff “Kash,” that would make me a brick of gold. That’s recession proof!

Thanks again to USC for the assist this week. Be back next Friday with an all-Washington edition of SearchBag. It’s like all of life’s little moments have been adding up to that post.

In the meantime, we’ll always have Twitter. Well, only if you dare follow Off The Pond. It’s just not the same without me. #itprobablyis

He’s the guru. Now on to the 2010 Coaches’ Awards.

The Rick Neuheisel award for “Tell Your Men They Work For Me Now. This is My City.”

And the winner is: No, not The Joker. New Pac-10 Commissioner Larry Scott. Like a man possessed, he is quickly remaking the Pac-10 into the brand he foresees.

The Dennis Erickson award for “Most Jokes About Me are Played Out Because I’m So Old Now. What Else Can You Really Say?”

And the winner is: Erickson’s entire Arizona State Sun Devils team. We’ve been saying the same thing about these guys for a long time now. Sleeping giant. Perfect weather, party school, what more can a kid with talent want in a college? It’s just a matter of time and ASU will dominate. And so it goes. 9th place ASU. That’s where you’re headed this year. Again.

The Steve Sarkisian award for “No Matter What, I’ll Always Look Good Because I’m Not Lane Kiffin”

And the winner is: Cal’s 2011 quarterback. Joe Ayoob to Nate Longshore to Kevin Riley? What happened to Tedford’s magical touch?

The Chip Kelly award for “Is There Anyone On This Team That didn’t Get In Trouble This Year? Seriously, One Guy is All I Need.”

And the winner is: Brandon Bair, Oregon defensive tackle. Nice move by the Ducks sending a Mormon to Pac-10 media day. Can’t go wrong there.

The Jim Harbaugh award for “What’s Your Deal?“

And the winner is: Coaches’ poll voters. Ok, we get that USC is ineligible, but still, just two teams in the top 25? Here’s hoping the AP can do a little better.

The Mike Stoops award for “Is it Me or Am I Less Crazy Than I Used to Be? It’s Just Me, Isn’t It?”

And the winner is: Vontaze Burfict, ASU linebacker. He plays crazy. He acts crazy. And he won’t think twice about destroying you.

The Lane Kiffin award for “If I Fail at Just One More Job, I May Get Promoted to President of The Whole Damn World”

And the winner is: Jake Locker, UW quarterback. Results and stats matter little to NFL teams that just can’t wait to reach high and overpay a quarterback that has accomplished….what?

The Pete Carroll award for “No, We Did Nothing Wrong. Everything Was by The Book. We Were Just the Victims of Circumstance. Now, Excuse Me, I Have a Practice to Attend to With My New Team”

And the winner is: Jeremiah Masoli, former UO quarterback. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Three times.

OTP Infractions Committee

Whoa, timeout people. The OTP Infractions Committee has just discovered a major USC violation. Use of an ineligible coach for an award! All past awards are to be vacated and they’re now banned from receiving any awards for two years (pending appeal, of course). Now let’s get back to it with the teams that don’t cheat.

The Mike Riley award for “2+2=4, The Sky is Blue, Water is Wet and September Will Be a Bad Month”

And the winner is: UCLA, a team that could get demoralized in September with away games at Kansas State and Texas sandwiching two home games against Stanford and Houston.

The Paul Wulff award for “Can I Please Leave? It’s Not Me, It’s the Job”

And the winner is: USC players Jordan Campbell, Malik Jackson, Byron Moore, DJ Shoemate, Seantrel Henderson, Jarvis Jones, and Travon Patterson. All have left USC. Other than Henderson, no one will be greatly missed.

The Jeff Tedford award for “Andy Ludwig is My Offensive Coordinator. This is Not a Good Thing”

And the winner is: In a retroactively awarded landslide, former Oregon coach Mike Bellotti and Utah coach Kyle Wittingham take home the hardware.

Note: This was the FOTB’s idea, so as such, she gets sponsorship of the post.

Matt Barkley as Ken Doll

Matt Barkley is coming as lifeguard Ken. FOTB's been calling him Ken doll from day one, so it fits.

Byron Hout as Michael Spinks

Byron Hout, LeGarrette Blount's target at Boise State is going as Michael Spinks, the heavyweight fighter that lasted just 91 seconds against Mike Tyson in 1988. What can we say, he's a "one punch and down" kinda' guy.

Oregon Cornerback Will Wallace as Braveheart

Will Wallace, the sophomore cornerback from Oregon will be there as Braveheart. Seems kind of obvious. No imagination.

Terrelle Pryor as Jeremiah Masoli (He Only Wishes)

Terrelle Pryor has told us he'd visit Eugene before, but this time he says he means it. Said Pryor of the impending trip: "Autzen Stadium on Halloween night? Hell yeah! I've always wanted to know what it's like to be the Oregon quarterback so I'm going as Jeremiah Masoli. You think I can stay?" No. No, you can't.

Kirk Herbstreit as Barry Manilow

Kirk made a good choice on this one because let's face it, this is exactly what he'll eventually look like.

Pete Carroll as a Failed NFL Head Coach

Ah, one of those throwback costumes. After the game, he can go as a failed college coach in the state of Oregon.

Reser’s Fine Foods as Nike

Crappy Photoshop effort aside, Al Reser is having his company go as Nike so he can feel what it's like to be in the big time. Of course, his burritos and potato salads are worth a lot more than this blog, so who am I to judge?

Tim Tebow as Himself

You knew Tim Tebow wouldn't miss a chance to show up as himself. Bastard thinks he doesn't have to wear a costume like everyone else.

Hell, I just have to say it. Chip Kelly is going to be an Oregon legend.

The 2000s have essentially been Oregon’s teenage years.  Amazing highs, head-slapping lows and enough realization of potential to make you excited to see what they do with adulthood. There have been years where you thought it would never happen and others where you were sure it already had.

Chip Kelly’s reign as coach isn’t so much the beginning of a new era but the natural growth of what has been building for two decades. It started with Rich Brooks before Mike Bellotti raised the profile of the program to where it is today (really, enough can’t be said of what Bellotti did over his 13 seasons, but this is a Chip Kelly puff piece of admiration, dammit!).

Kelly is the right guy at the right time for a program ready to move into another dimension. He’s the leader Oregon needs for its ascension into the upper-echelon of college football. He has the youthful energy that Pete Carroll has proven is such a magnet for greatness at USC. He possesses strong leadership skills (the guy has his whole year planned out!). He demands excellence and nothing short of it (there is no “Hall of Average”). He’s an obsessive innovator responsible for the two best statistical offenses in Oregon history. And the confidence…let’s just say any first year college coach willing to offer Jon Gruden his offensive coordinator position has plenty of it.

Yeah, the facts are slapping me in the face as I right this. He’s had two years as an offensive coordinator at the FBS level. His all-time record is 0-0. Never had to run his own program. Spare me. Sometimes, the facts are yet to be written.

Oregon State fans (and probably everyone else, too) probably have a little throw-up in their mouth right now. That’s probably the right reaction and I’m sure they’ll be happy to follow up with me at the first sign of weakness this season. That’s ok. I can take it because even if I have to wait, I’m sure the time will come where I can say, “Told ya’ so.”

The Dennis Erickson Award for “What, I’m Still in the Same Place? Why?”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. It’s shocking that he came back. Everyone assumed he would enter the NFL draft as a surefire first round pick. Instead, he’s at USC for his senior year and figures to anchor a raw, but talented USC defense.

The Chip Kelly Award for “I’m Destined For Greatness, So Why is Everyone a Little Unsure?”
…And the winner is: Whichever quarterback starts for USC in its opening game. Two Trojan quarterbacks have won Heisman Trophies under Pete Carroll and every time they break in someone new, the doubters quickly subside. Still, until Aaron Corp or Matt Barkley prove it, it’s all guesswork.

The Pete Carroll Award for “How Many Times Do I Have to Say It? This is Where I Want To Be”
…And the winner is: Markus Wheaton, OSU WR. Yep, Wheaton is a Beaver. Duck fans probably still can’t believe the cousin of Kenny Wheaton would do such a thing. We’re still waiting to hear it was a joke. The Ducks now just have to hope Oregon State doesn’t get a program-defining moment from Kenny’s cousin.

The Steve Sarkisian Award for “We’re Going to Be Awesome Because I Said So”
…And the winner is: The Arizona Wildcats. Anyone else feel like Mike Stoops’ bunch has been the next coming of greatness in the conference for the last five years? All they have is a 6-6 regular season and a Las Vegas Bowl trophy to show for it. Sure, the honor could have been given to Washington, but it was ineligible to win its coach’s own award.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Hi, We’re Still Up Here. Hey, over here! Watch for us, We’re Going to Be Better. Ah, Screw It, We’re Terrible.”
…And the Winner Is: Kevin Prince, UCLA QB. Okay, that’s not fair to the redshirt freshman Prince and “terrible” is too strong of a word, but the point is that even though UCLA is moving on from a disastrous year at the quarterback position, they undoubtedly have more growing pains ahead.

The Mike Stoops Award for “I’m a Star. No, Really, Ignore the Mediocrity Because I’m a Star!”
…And the Winner Is: Jake Locker. Sorry, Saint Locker of the Seattleites. It’s not that I want to give you this award, it’s just that you’ve never done anything to justify all the hype your fans are heaping on you. Feel free to prove us wrong.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “We’re Coming For You No Matter How Ridiculous That Sounds”
…And the Winner Is: The Stanford Cardinal. Believe it or not, Stanford might be good this year. It’s even possible they creep into the top four teams in the conference. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Cardinal make a leap to a bowl game for this first time since 2001.

The Mike Riley Award for “What Else Do We Have to Do to Prove We’re Good?”
…And the Winner Is: The whole gosh-darned (tribute to Riley-speak) Pac-10. A 5-0 bowl record in 2008 and stellar records this decade against fellow BCS teams just isn’t enough. Distribution of your product to the masses matters and the Pac-10 is lacking a national audience. Just keep on winning, I guess.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “How Did We Go From Underdog to Overrated?”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremiah Masoli. As a fan of the Duck’s quarterback, it hurts to put him here, but it’s a natural fit. Masoli still has a lot to prove as his hype is riding on the back of a three game stretch to end 2008. He’ll need to put together a full season of strong play.

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “We’re Borderline Geniuses and Oh, Yeah, We Can Play Too”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Nixon, ASU LB. Let’s see, Nixon carries a 4.05 GPA in Political Science and was an Honorable Mention All-Conference player in 2008. And this year, he’s tabbed as a preseason first team player by many. Yeah, he kind of owns this category.

View past Coach’s Awards: 2008

The Dennis Erickson Award for “It’s Been Fun, But it’s Time to Move On”
…And the Winner Is: Taylor Mays, USC Safety. An overwhelming consensus first-round pick by every useless mock draft the internet has to offer, the junior is a season away from becoming an early entrant to the 2009 NFL Draft.

The Mike Bellotti Award for “If the Game Was Only 61 Minutes Long, I Would Have Won”
…And the winner is: Kevin Riley, Cal Quarterback. Some advice for you this year, Kevin: spike the ball, call a timeout, or run out of bounds.

The Pete Carroll Award for “I Don’t Care If You’re Good, I Just Don’t Like You”
…And the winner is: Rudy Carpenter, Arizona State Quarterback. I don’t feel like I should have to explain this. Actually, I’m not even sure if I can. I just don’t like him.

The Tyrone Willingham Award for “I Looked A Lot Better When I First Got Onto Campus”
…And the winner is: Ben Olson, UCLA Quarterback. He’s injured. Again. As a former “5-Star Recruit,” big things were expected and yet, it never happened.

The Paul Wulff Award for “Player You’ve Never Heard of and Probably Never Will”
…And the Winner Is: Jeff Bowen, Washington State Offensive Lineman. The criteria here was to find a guy on the consensus 10th place team that is a senior and listed 4th on the depth chart at his position. Hopefully, Jeff Bowen Googles his name someday and finds out about this prestigious award. Also, given that he is 100 lbs heavier than me at the same height, I would appreciate it if he has a sense of humor.

The Mike Stoops Award for “Biggest Douchebag”
…And the Winner Is: Mike Stoops, Arizona Head Coach. Congratulations, you just won your own award. I’d say the voting is rigged, but I think we can all agree, you earned it coach.

The Rick Neuheisel Award for “Player Most Likely to Get Penalized”
…And the Winner Is: Jeremy Perry, Oregon State Guard. He wins for two reasons: (1) He’s an offensive lineman and those guys hold on every play and (2) He’s quoted on ESPN.com saying, “I’m nasty, even if the whistle blows, I guarantee I’ll get the last shove.”

The Mike Riley Award for “The First Month Doesn’t Really Matter Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Tie between Jake Locker (UW Quarterback) and Mark Sanchez (USC Quarterback). Both players have suffered injuries that could cause early season issues for their respective teams if they don’t come back healthy.

The Jeff Tedford Award for “Yeah, He Was Great When I Coached Him, But What About Now?”
…And the Winner Is: No, not Joey Harrington, Trent Dilfer, Kyle Boller, Akili Smith, AJ Feeley or Aaron Rodgers. The winner is Mitch Mustain, USC Quarterback. The hype is there for the heralded transfer from Arkansas. Will he deliver, especially if Mark Sanchez can’t go?

The Jim Harbaugh Award for “I Probably Shouldn’t Have Said That, But I’ll Go Ahead and Back It Up Anyway”
…And the Winner Is: Carson Palmer, former USC and current Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback. All’s quiet among current players so far in 2008 so we turn to Palmer’s ill-advised diatribe against Ohio State. Sure, he’s right and his alma mater will back him up, but that doesn’t endear you to your current Ohio fan base.