1. Cal
Why: Dismantled Maryland
The Cal fanbase says: “Oh my God, we KILLED Maryland. We’ll probably roll over USC and everyone else. Why aren’t we getting votes for #1? Jahvid Best is the Heisman Trophy. We’re sooo goooooood!!!”

2. USC
Why: For the moment, they have to yield to Cal. Win at Ohio State and the top spot is rightfully theirs.
USC fans retort to Cal: “Hahahahahaha. Hahaha. Ha. Haha.”

3. Stanford
Why: They beat a glorified Pac-10 team while nobody else won a game that even remotely mattered.
Stanford fans: “We played a football game on Saturday?”

4. Arizona
Why: Week 1 competition in the Pac-10 was mostly terrible. Central Michigan was at least respectable and holding a team with a quality quarterback to six points is impressive.
Coach Mike Stoops: “Well, I thought when I ran 50 yards onto the field to yell at the ref, it was a real turning point. Our guys really responded.”

5. UCLA
Why: The rest of the teams either beat an FCS team or didn’t win, so it’s only by default for now.
L.A. Times Columnist TJ Simers: “Rick Neuheisel is a lying liar who lies. He told me they beat SDSU, but I don’t believe him.”

6. Oregon State:
Why: They get a penalty for playing Portland State, but deserve a bump for being better than ASU.
Moral, Righteous and Sanctimonious Oregon State fans: “Oregon is so classless and Blount is such a thug and Chip Kelly is a born loser. I’m sooo happy!”

7. Arizona State
Why: The last of the Pac-10 winners in week 1, but over lowly Idaho State.
Everyone: “We’ll check in at the end of September when your season actually starts.”

8. Oregon
Why: Worst played game this decade by the Ducks.
New coach Chip Kelly: “Why are those headlights so bright? I feel stuck. I can’t move! Will someone turn off those damn headlights?!?”

9. WSU
Why: They’re terrible.
Conversation between two Duck fans: Fan 1: “When do we play Washington State?” Fan 2: “Why?” Fan 1: “I want to know when we’ll get our first win.” Fan 2: “Oh, looks like Oct. 3.”

10. Washington
Why: Uh, they’re on the verge of a Pac-10 football record for most consecutive losses. Until that gets fixed, they’re #10.
Savior of Husky football coach Steve Sarkisian: “We try really hard now! We only lost by eight at home to such a powerful program. We feel really good about us. This is U-Dub football!